Oh, nevermind, Lousygolfer.

You're better at control issues.

Remember when you manipulated your wife into not exposing to the other woman's husband to protect your rear end?

Yeah, that was a classic...

Oh, I forgot to look behind the office curtains.

Just a minute...

Obs:

Are you trying to treat us like you treat your H?

How many times have you changed your first post immediatily after my last post? 3, 4 or 5 times?

And then the posts after that?

Bait and switch.

Doesn't work against me. Or anyone else here. Cuz we just ignore you.

Your H, however, has to live with it every day.

And so far, you haven't really addressed the concerns that I had.

Noticed you dropped all the S/A justifications from these posts. Why? Because you really deep down KNOW that you H isn't a S/A person?

His need for SF just might be his EN number 1.

A physically attractive spouse may be EN #2.

So therefore, you gatekeeper the SF. That's a P/A behavior.

Or, more simply, bait and switch.

Then, since he looks at other women, he is, to paraphase you: "lusting after them, but settling for you"

And that makes him a S/A person.

Don't really understand how that gets streched around to being S/A. But you have justified it. And have indicated to your H that the only way he can succeed with you is to admit to this addiction. Apparently.

Obs, my wife is an attractive woman. Moreso, since dday. When we go out, my eyes are on her. Both in thoughts and in where my face is pointing. And SHE knows that. If somebody walking across the room attracts my attention, then she knows that its nothing more than a glance. WE may discuss somebody walking across the room, whether male or female. SHE has eyes as well.

And I even admitted to my wife after dday, that I might be a S/A person. But, It was an excuse. IT got ME off the hook. "Look, it's the S/A that made me do it" It even provided a nice distraction from the real issues at first. Later, I realized, and discussed with my wife that S/A was a smokescreen FOR ME. That S/A behavior is alot worse than looking at other women. S/A behavior is something that infects every part of what the S/A does, says, and thinks.

I do not see them in your H. That is why I believe he is following the course he is right now. He sees it as a way out. And it gets him back to his #1 EN, SF with you.

And Obs: I would directly comment on your recent responses, but you are going to change them anyway, so I will not.

You REALLY Need to read some of BrambleRose's stuff. You need to OWN your own behaviors since you keep laying everything else at your H feet.

BR is living with an Alcoholic, and has clearly learned to own her OWN stuff, and lets her H OWN his stuff. And has worked out a stable, caring R with her H. Her's isn't perfect, and the drinking is a huge part of that, but she and he are managing it.

And OBS, seemingly, I do care. If you read my initial posts to what you refered to above, I came from a place of anger too.

After I had a good nights rest, and thought it thru, I came to respect what the the other poster was trying to say, I might not have done what they asked, But I understood where they were coming from. And my anger posts, and acceptance posts are still there, for all to read. Have at it.

I hope you have had a good nights rest.

LG

Wow...what IS up with totally changing the content of your posts after you get responses that you don't like so that no one can make sense of what's going on???

That is one of the most amazing bits of avoidance and deflection that I've ever seen. You should be a martial artist with the way you dodge anything you don't like to hear.

I'll waste no more time posting to you...I would heartily suggest to anyone who does decide to respond to Observing to make sure that you copy and paste what you're responding to so that she can't edit out what she said in an effort to completely deflect what's going on.

Observing...I will admit that I don't know much about your situation or your contribution to the state of your M...BUT, I will say that your H's excuses for not taking the polygraph exam are classic for a liar. IMHO, and again, this is based on my limited read here, he is hiding something big.
Owning your own issues is important as LG had pointed out to you. Having a healthy and happy M should be the goal...I think there are many here that speak of "owning" their own behaviors that are pretty dysfunctional (and lead lives that reflect that).
LG is offering a valuable perspective and I too have hammered him regarding some of the choices he has made(we have rattled that cage quite often)...but, you would do well to heed many of his words here IMO. And if you are changing your posts...which I cannot confirm or dispute...you really will not get the help that I hope you are here to find.

I found it...

Whoa!

You should read some of this stuff... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Lousygolfer, maybe you could help me treat my husband better.

Once I start having sex with another man, should I say to my husband, "I love you", "I LOVE you", or "I love YOU" when I make love with him?

The rulebook I found wasn't very specific.

I'm sorry, Owl, for the edits. I was just getting fogged out over the weekend. Now I'm fine.

Mkeverydaycnt ,

I sure appreciate your visit.


I think you're on to something.

OBS:

Sorry for wasting your time.

I just went and re-read much of your thread.

Sorry I wasted your time.

Enjoy the book.

Let us know one day when/if/what works for you.

LG

Oh, Lousy, please don't be so hard on yourself. You have helped me in ways you'll never know. You were the one who, over a single weekend, taught me to ACT instead of REACT. I will be forever grateful.


I have to admit, I'm enjoying the book.

Today, I was standing at a stop light in a sun dress, ready to cross the street, when this amazing man, wearing only shorts and sandals, walked up.

As we were waiting for the signal, I did what my husband's rulebook for marriage said I should do.

I started by looking at this man's feet, and then I raised my eyes slowly, all the way up his body, along his robust thighs, past his firm waist (hardly made it there), over his muscular chest, around his strong shoulders, across his masculine jaw - until finally our eyes met and our smiles broke out.

Oh my gosh, I almost dropped my belongings.

For a moment, I thought it was you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


Sure. Will that be over a drink?

are you f-ing kidding me??? YOu come here and flirt with a married man??? Are you out of your f-ing mind???

Oh MEDC, have you lost your sense of humor?

have you lost your class?