I saw this on Artor's thread...


I didn't want to threadjack... but wanted to tell you...

I think this a BRILLIANT idea. But I have a strong word of caution for you. When you present it to your wife... don't use the word "affair". I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's different 10 years down the line than it is for me just 1 year out. But it would freak me out if my H said that to me.

Take care,
--SC

I think it's an EXCELLENT idea nottoday...Mr. W and I were just talking about starting a thread with a title something like "How to Have an Affair with Your Spouse"...Everybody is different I suppose...Along these lines, we send each other racy emails...Hey, it works for us! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Yeah, leave the word affair out.. For me, it would mean someone else, pretending to have another.

I love the idea of spicing things up with a getaway, especially one geared toward SF for both. But I'd rather see it presented as something other than an affair. A day to be inhibition free & you both create for the other some fantasy fulfullment, that sounds great.

Boy, now that thread really pulled you out of the woodwork SC. Thanks for your perspective and you know that I follow your insight and point of view. I will consider how that this can be called something other than what it is intended to be...a secretive, lustful, fantasy fulfilling "other life" so the the BS can experience some of the emotions and other feelings that their partners had during their actual affair.

Just so that we put this in perspective for all those who did not read Artors post, the HER I am talking about having an affair with is my own FWW. This was stating in the context of the entitlement issues that many/most BS feel a ways into recovery and those feelings being driven by the "jealousy" of the BS that their WS got to fulfill their fantasy and then still got to come back into an even better marriage after recovery, while the BS stays committed to the marriage. It was specifically written in the context of some of the possible causes of revenge affairs particulary among M BS's.

I am moving forward with the idea somehow. Since both you and my other favorite posters the Wonderful's(ings) see some benefit in this approach, there must be something to it.

NT

If I'm not mistaken, I believe that I have read here that the Harleys advise married couples to have an "affair" with each other...Perhaps someone else here that has heard or read the same might come along and confirm what my fuzzy memory is trying to recall...

Anyway, here is a link that I found with some ideas on how to do this very thing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Mrs. Dubya:

I looked around a little on these resources and I didn't find specifically where that the Harley's recommended having an affair with your spouse. Perhaps in one of the letters, I didn't look there. But there are several other sites similar to the one you provided a link to that do promote this idea. And I thought I was on new ground. Well, anyway I haven't even pitched this idea to DW yet but I have been walking around with a smile on my face all day planning the first outing. Something must be right with that.

NT

NT,

Go for it! As for how to pitch it to your wife -- please take what I said with a grain of salt. You know your wife best. Since you've already told her about your temptation to have a revenge affair... and since she's had 10+ years to let her affair shrink into a distant memory... your description of what you want might not be as "triggering" for her as it would be for someone like me (whose affair memories are still a relatively fresh mixture of pleasure and pain).

BTW, I did post the update you asked for a couple of weeks ago. Click here in case you missed it.

Have a good weekend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

--SC

Part of the attraction of an A is the newness, the craziness and the danger.

Try this one:

You and your S each write down 5 to 10 things you remember fondly that you did once, maybe b4 M, maybe b4 kids (It should be wild and crazy and NOT something old married folk are expected to be doing)

Compare lists and if anything is on both lists, do it again!
If nothing is on both lists, POJA till you get matching lists.

Imagine the look on the cop's face when he pulls up to roust the couple parking and finds out they are over 50 (some of us are, you know) and married to each other!

Or how about a secret meeting for lunch (maybe a little afternoon delite?) Or a stop at a little out of the way motel on the way home from work.

Just a few thoughts...

W doesn't consider me to be romantic...