LA,

As you already know I am reading the Bradshaw book. Of all the self help books I have ever read this book is by far the most insightful and accurate as far as what I choose to believe. I believe that in fact I am a shame based person.

I have begun the reading of the second half of the book where the work begins. I want to do this work. Here is my dilemma and where I need your help/advice.

I am following the villager thread and I see some very honest work going on there. I would very much like to participate in that thread however I am keenly aware that my very presence here on MB is offensive to many. I would like to participate in the villager thread but I don't want to hurt anyone or be selfish in my want to join the villager group. I don't know how exactly to go about this. So I am going to ask for your advice regarding this.

If it is too harmful or upsetting to the others in the villager thread then I will choose NOT to inflict that harm to the good folks of that thread whose work there inspires me and I do NOT want to hurt or hinder anyone else's progress there. I am not sure how to approach the group on this thread. If I would not be welcome there, would you be willing to work with me one on one (or with any others that would be willing to work with me) to do the second part of the Bradshaw book...the exercises to heal the shame...anchoring et.?

You have been extremly helpful to me thus far and I know I need to do this work. If it is too much to ask of you I choose to understand and accept it.

FH and (MM who isn't around right now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> ) have and still are/is a HUGE asset to me. FH has helped me so much in terms of getting myself to a place of healing and acceptance with God that I can never really thank him or MM enough. I don't know if FH would want to partipate in the Bradshaw portion of my recovery. I will ask him and assume nothing. If he would prefer that the begin again thread remain primarily my relationship with God work thread then I can and will accept that and deal with Bradshaw elsewhere hopefully not hurting any other MBer in the process.

I will link this post to FH in the justjilly begin again thread to seek his guidance and what he would prefer to do regarding this.

I will also be seeking IC to do some of the regression work that I need to do.

Let me know how you think I should proceed with this. You do so much here and have helped so many people here. I respect you immensely and will respect whatever you choose to do regarding this.

Hey, JJ...

I would like you to use the villagers' thread to do the exercise, please. That way, your Begin Again can be kept for Mortarman and FH...MM will be back...I know he will!

Also, I think it's beneficial to my thread.

A third option...would you consider doing this exercise with your H? That's how I did the first time.

In trade, you can help me with the other exercises in the book...because I think I skipped them...and I'm paying for it.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

'Tis true...

If you need me to bump the thread, lemme know...and it isn't really an MB thread...all about you, not about your marriage directly...if anyone else objects, I'm sure they will...can't see where it's going to do harm...but then...that's my perspective.

LA

LA,



Okay, thanks and I look forward to MM's return as I see him as a vital member of MB. He and FH are huge resources to this board as are you. All of you in different ways and in different contexts.



We are doing this together already to some extent. We are reading the book together. I am in Ch.8 Integrating Your Disowned Parts. These seems to be about where the villager thread starts from yes?


Of course...of course we can. Wouldn't it be great if we could hurry up and fix ourselves. LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />


My greatest concern is about those already working in the villager thread. I have so much respect for the work and the deep level of trust between the villager thread members and their willingness to be so totally and rawfully (is that even a word? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />) real and honest with themselves.

You know what I am going to say here...don't you? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I don't want to create any disharmony on that thread because the work is so important. Because I am shame based and haven't united my villagers yet...the role of the scapegoat is real and also scary for me. It is a DJ for me to even think this...but shame based people DJ themselves so much and often quick to make assumptions that others will too.



Okay so how to introduce myself into that thread in the least threating and most honest way. Please advise.

What's the villager thread?

And where is it?

MM,

Villager thread

This is a self improvement work thread based on the work of the book Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw.

The exercises in the book are to help you heal from Toxic Shame and reclaim your authentic self.

Thanks, Jilly,

~Marsh

Marsh,

Not a problem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />