hurtingless
Im been sarcastic or is possible to see a positive way in everything in our lives????

Now I realized that I need to fill his emotional needs, and depends of me to have a marriage on proof to A's...
Can sounds a lie, but I needed to live all this, to realize that I have a good man, that loves me in his way,,,


Im going to do my best ....

regreted,

I can tell you everything you are doing now or trying to do will become irrelevant if your H finds out about the other stuff down the line.

The best course of action is to find a safe environment and come clean. Come clean for all of your actions.

Your H has a right to decide if he wants to stay married to you based on all of the facts not just the facts you have told him to this point.

As a BS with a less then honest FWW I can tell you the discovery of facts later only made the original action worse. So you did it and you let me do x,y, and z only to find out you did a, b and c. Well that changes everything. If he wants to D you because of your actions that is his decesion. You need to let him live in reality.

I don't know about everyone else but my FWW acted accordingly to what I knew not what actually happened. What that means is that if I didn't know she did something she acted like it didn't happen. It did happen and based on that she should have acted that way. It is causing a lot of problems in our M right now.

You are trying to avoid the consequences of your actions. You did it and your H has a right to know. What you are doing is almost false recovery. He is recovering from what you have told him not what really happened.

Yes maybe

hurting?
According to your signature,, three years later did you find details about the A?

Regreted,

Then those are the consequences of your actions. You made the decesion to do those things.

You cannot prepare him for the truth. The truth will hurt no matter what. You say you want to avoid more pain for your H. HOW?

Waiting to tell him the truth. That I can tell you won't work.

The initial shock a BS has hurts more then anything you can imagine. Each new truth brought me right back to that day.

It made me question everything that happened between the first D Day and the new truth. Amazing how the mind works. So here is what happened to me. Truth followed by pain, followed by depression. Over and over and over.

Not to mention the underlying feeling that your FWS is being dishonest with you. The FWS of course denying it so you feel bad for thinking those things. You try to live in the reality of what the FWS had told you only to find that reality wasn't real at all. Each time trying to find the new reality.

Like I said it is his decesion. If your daughter is away from her father it is a consequence of your actions.

You made all of those decesions you made based on what you thought your reality was. Let him do the same.

I can tell you now I am struggling not because of all of my FWW's dishonesty. I feel like she can do things and feel fine with not telling me if it helps her avoid the consequences of her actions. Sounds like you are doing the same.

Maybe Im wrong but its my way to try to recover my M...

I thought my FWW did more then she admitted and it drove me to the brink because I was pretty sure I was right. Guess what I was.

So she lied and hid the truth. IT WAS WORSE FINDING OUT LATER. Not only did my FWW have an A but she also kept lying to me after the biggest breach of faith a S can make in an M.

Again if you have those fears then I would say leave. He knows you are not being honest, you know you are not being honest and it is effecting your M.

If you need help find a priest, and MC or someone to be there when you tell him.

He should Know. I know about the violence and you should leave if you think it is going to happen again.

If your idea is to recover a M by being dishonest I doubt that will work.

JMHO

thanks for your words hurting...

I was thinking what if MB members are right?What selfish I was...

if you finally decide to be honest with him.. then BE HONEST.

Decide that you will tell him EVERYTHING from then on. no more secrets. Anything he asks you, tell him the truth, and the whole truth.

Yes it will hurt you both at first. This is the consequence for what you have done. But it is the only way to avoid worse hurt later on, as hurtingless has said.

Dont say "but what if he...?" those are just excuses for you to avoid facing the pain of truth.

Yes it is all hard to believe. But the more you lie the less credible you become.

You see if you would have come clean in the beginning it would have been easier to believe then it is now and it will be tomorrow.

My FWW dragged it out for 3 years and we played a little game. I know you are not being honest, you know you are not being honest. I didn't know what she wasn't being honest about and she didn't know what I thought she was being dishonest about.

The whole time everytime I found something new out I pieced it back together and it still didn't fit. I have no trust for my FWW now. Not because of her A but the aftermath the lies and dishonesty caused.

Each time I found out it cut me like a knife to the heart. I thought I was dead inside but found out I wasn't because it still hurt.

Now the longer you are dishonest and hide the truth the more it is going to cost you.

My FWW is now living through my distrust and doesn't like it. That is now another consequence of her A. I don't trust her to tell me the truth and she doesn't trust me enough to tell me the truth.

Good luck but I can tell you that you are just digging yourself a bigger hole.

No your D doesn't deserve this either but now you made your bed and you have to sleep in it.

I can't tell you anymore clearly then this "A marriage with no trust is not a marriage".

Regretted---Well, I am very happy things are improving with your husband (I am answering you from Piojitos thread). SF always wins a heart's man back <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />. So keep up the good work!

About your husband saying those things to you before, that he would leave i=f he found out about the sex. Well, my husband always said he would NEVER forgive me. if I had an affair. But he has forgivven me. He is sweet and understands my needs so much better now.

As your relationship improves, maybe you can "tell him the thruth" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />. I guess you know your husband better than anyone here. But trust me, you have to build trust, with thruth only.!!

Best to you

Myrta