Just wondering what everyone's opinions on marriage counseling are?

To make a long story short, my husband and i separated a little over 2 months ago. It was his decision as he said he was going through some emotional problems stemming from child hood abuse, and also because we were arguing a lot and I would get angry at him over small things and he couldnt deal with that anymore. Up until 2 weeks ago, he said he thought he didnt want to be married anymore and didnt think he was in love with me anymore because I was always getting mad at him over stupid things. ...Even through all of his harsh words, I could see the pain in his eyes and I could see him fighting back tears. Finally a few weeks ago he said he wants us to work on getting back together but just not right now. We are going to separate counseling for ourselves and then I FINALLY got him talked into [color:"purple"] [/color] going to marriage counseling. ..After reading this website and some of the posts, Im wondering if marriage counseling is the best thing to do as it seems a lot of counselors might make you lean more towards a divorce? I've been finding soo much help from this website and have recently printed out the questionaires for both of us to fill out and exchange tomorrow!

I know that all counselors and all couples are different but am just wondering how many of you thought marriage counseling HELPED?? Thanks in advance! [color:"purple"] [/color]

Most married men do not leave their wives "for a break" or to "get my head on straight" or to "work on my childhood issues"

unless
they are involved with someone else already

this is ESPECIALLY typical of a man in an affair who wants to hang on to his marriage and cake-eat ~~~> "I want us to work on getting back together, but just not right now. " <~~~ THE most suspicious statement he could make !

snoop
rent a car, wear a wig & glasses & follow him with a camera

you need to know for certain

but if you DO find he's involved with someone else (90% chance) ... do NOT confront him without coming back here to strategize a plan ~before~ confronting him


if he is involved with another woman
MC = waste of time & money

Pep

Snoop...

Check his "sports" bag...seach his car...check cell phone bills...install keylogger on your (his) computer...check credit card statements for meals/hotels/gifts...

How much time does he have that's "unaccounted" for? Staying longer at work more often than usual? Running out for errands, but gone longer than seems usual?

Consider a voice activated audio recorder that will fit under the seat of his vehicle...

When you look into his eyes, will he meet your gaze, or will he look away in an uncomfortable way?

Snoop...but be very discrete...IF he's messing around, he'll deny, deny, deny, unles you have concrete evidence that he's cheating...

Best wishes,
SD

[color:"red"] Pep's *babble* translation service: [/color]

here is what he means....

[color:"blue"] Please stay stuck where you are and don't move. I want to use you as a back-up in case things do not work out. [/color]

my advise would be a response something in the line of:

[color:"purple"]" I need to be honest with you. If you put me, your WIFE, on the sideline of your life, in a "waiting" or "back-up" position ... I will not remain there. I have too much self-respect to be demeaned in such a way." [/color]

And if you do find out he's cheating (like Pep said 90% chance), whatever you do DO NOT BRING HIM HERE.

This is your safe place for support.