To fill you in...<BR>Since my h came home from business trip which OW left abruptly when I called her h and informed him that we had been living apart for 6 month, he has been very emotional but still not willing to commit to me. He brought me dinner that first night and my mail. He figured I had not eater and neither had he. He cried and buried his head for most of the time he was here. When we hugged he held me tight for 10 minutes at least. We both cried.<BR>He tells me that the affection and contact come from a good relationship but that a good relationship takes two committed people and he cannot commit to me now. He takes all blame and does not want me to be upset w/ ow and says he is the one that should have the control/power over his behavior.<BR>This has gone on so long that when I returned his phone message this eve to see how my day went, I told him my ring was coming off too and that it would go on my cross necklace for safekeeping. That in the meantime I was doing things that would improve my life (i.e. buying a washer and dryer so as not to go to laundromat, a computer table, a microwave, etc., things that would make me feel more secure and independent) and may something would happen that would change my strong, deep feelings and end this pain and yearning. He kind of agreed w/ me and said he was exhausted and needed to get some sleep. As he hung up he said "I love you." as he most always does. He loves me but he is not in love w/ me and is a very mixed up puppy. My dilemna is do I seek out another man in order to just curb the feeling to call my husband when I am in a rage or hurt or whatever or do I stay celibate and unattached until this whole ordeal is over one way or another? He is giving me no indication that he is making any effort and I am at the end of my rope trying to do "all the right" things because he is so disturbed and might "see the light".<BR>What do you think guys?<BR>Thanks for all your support!!!

I've been there. Finding another man is just adding fuel to the fire. You are right when you made the decision to work on you. This is the perfect time for that. Don't worry about finding someone else, worry about finding you.

While taking off your rings may send a signal to others that you are available, in reality, ceverson - you aren't. You wouldn't be playing fair with anyone else either, because you are still so emotionally attached.<P>And lots of people think that by being with someone else you can "medicate" that emotional pain, which may be true, but every high has its' low, and when you come down from that high you will be even lower.<P>And it wouldn't be fair to the next person you are with - at this point.<P>Not, only this - - but you will complicate the web of restoring your marriage even further.<P>Your husband is in typical withdrawal possibly, or at least the cat is out of the bag so to speak in such a way, that the affair will start to lose its' luster and gleam, and your husband is beginning to come down off of his "high". Because, he is still emotionally attached to you - he could not really have a real relationship with OW.<P>Please don't do it.<P>I think you are making progress, it's just that the progress hasn't measured up to your gauge. <P>Measure in smaller increments.<P>

Guess what, I did what your thinking of doing. I was so hurt by my W and soooooo lonely. I ended up in the sack with someone who would listen, I was so drunk just to get myself to do it and that is no excuse. Learn from my mistake, DON"T DO IT!!!!!! I feel even worse about every thing since then. I feel like a snake. I may have pushed my W away for ever. <P>It sure didn't make me feel better, It just added a huge helping of guilt to my already full plate of dispare. Good luck.<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P>