Okay, for the past month I've been trying to deal with the reality of having a WH. I've gone through the shame of feeling inadequate, the pain of knowing he's not the man I married, the anger, the resentment, the whole 9 yards of being betrayed. I refused to tell my sister anything about this because, well, she's perfect. Everything she's touched has turned to gold. She has an amazing career, she married her high school sweetheart & has been married 18 years, her kids are beautiful, well-behaved, and successful. She warned me not to leave my job after I married WH "just in case" and, of course, I didn't listen and find myself where I am today.

Finally, this weekend I decided that I have nothing to be ashamed of and I was going to tell her about it. Guess what she sprung on me? She is having an affair with a married man!! OMG. How in the world do you deal with something like that? After I told her the details of what's been going on here, including all the pain and confusion, she comes out with "Aren't we always the exact opposite, you're being cheated on and I'm cheating." No remorse at all.

So, how does one deal with someone else's affair? Normally, I would say it's none of my business, but having been on the receiving end of this I know I would have liked for someone to tell me. She told me this in confidence and I don't want to hurt her or her husband, but shouldn't I expose this? Or not? I don't know. Any advice?

We all know to expose an affair if it's happening to us in order to help end it. We are advised to expose it to family, co-workers, friends, etc.

It does seem different if we know about the affair and are not directly involved.

However, I feel the obligation to expose the affair still exists, especially where children are involved.

I obviously don't know the state of your sister's marriage -- how her husband will react or if he'll want to work on their marriage. But he deserves to know.

Part of the information that helped expose my wife's 2nd PA came from an anonymous source that I suspect was an IT worker at the OM's company. He had the courage to see wrong and do something about it -- he called me and the OM's wife to let us know what was happening. While I can't excuse his blatant violation of privacy of my wife, I would still buy him lunch and shake his hand if I knew who he was and thank him for alerting me to this cancer in our marriage.

I don't think it's wrong for you to explain your position and convictions to your sister and give her time to "do the right thing" before you "help her out".

It's wrong for her to do and you can certainly recognize the fog in her attitude.

To top it off, based on your post, it doesn't sound like she has a whole lot of sympathy for your situation.

Blessings

If you care about your sister and her family, you will tell your BIL privately so he can take steps to stop this affair and protect himself and his children from her affair. I would do this without telling your sister beforehand so she can't pre-empt you. What she is doing is terribly wrong and as her loving sister, it falls to you to help her by exposing her.

Send your BIL to this forum so we can help him save his marriage. That would be an act of compassion for your sister and her family, Broken.

I know from personal experience how very hard this is; I had to bust my sister to her H for her drug use.