Just an update on what has happened this weekend:
Things for the past 2 weeks or so have been really strained between G and I and I still haven't figured out what went wrong...other than the fact that I would not budge on living arrangements...

Had talked briefly on removing my things from his home...could he please help me move the larger items as I would need his truck...yes.

Called him on Saturday evening and wanted a time I could come by on Sunday afternoon and begin...again, I reminded him that it would be for the larger items...

Next discussion I get is he wants the engagment ring back that he had given me...what? I had traded another set of rings in on this set and we basically had the same amount of $$ into it...not that I was overly concerned...

Met him at his house on Sunday...he was not ready to move any of the big items...had not prepared the trailer...did not recall saying he would be able to...thought I was only there for some small things...was this what I really wanted?

Briefly was very mushy mushy...missed me...I was the best thing that had happened to him...blah blah blah...

I told him that I needed to get busy and get back home...WOW did his attitude change...

I proceeded to pack a few of my smaller items and he just couldn't keep his mouth shut - very sarcastic, very unreasonable. I tried to remove as much of my things. Removed things from his walls, took my clothes, dishes, etc.

He proceeded to let me know that I would not receive my items until he had the ring in his hands...WOW...I totally did not see this side of him EVER...Scary.

I had called a few girlfriends on my way home to see about lining up a truck to remove my furniture...no one was able to locate one on such short notice...

I ended up calling my XH, who sent his truck along with our older son and we were able to retrieve my items...what a mess. He had his parents and older brother in attendance. Like I was there to totally clean him out...

I ended up giving him his ring, he gave me the ring I had given him and I left.

This was so very upsetting as I had never seen this side of him and we had lived together for a year and have been in the relationship for a little over 3.

Apparently he kept things well hidden...and I am counting my blessings as I type...

I still have a couple of items that we overlooked and I'm hoping that on his own, he will return them to me...

I would've never guessed...

Diamonds,

While breakups are sad, it seems clear that you are better off seeing this "hidden" side of him now, rather than after the wedding.

There is a good phrase out there, "you never know a person until you break up with them" - I think your story just illustrated it.

Take care,

AGG

Yeah, I never could understand why my ex always suspected the worst when I spent years trying to "prove" to him how supportive and generous I was.

Imagine the reaction he will get trying to give another woman a "used" ring. <snicker>

Just remember how uncomfortable and puzzled and hurt you would be each time he said things or did things that didn't make sense. Those were your clues that he was the kind of guy that he showed you this weekend.

I would say you might want to do some reading on codependency, verbal abuse, and controlling people in general.

I'm glad that you are ending this - it made me uncomfortable to read about him - I felt badly for you the way he treated you.

V.

AGG, sunnyva39,
I'm not sure what to do where his kids are concerned...I didn't get to tell them goodbye and I feel like I need to say something to them...

I was thinking of writing them a short note -but not sure if it would get intercepted...

I do have a friend here at work (idea just came to me) that is a part of Big Brothers Big Sisters, and has a "little sister" that attends with G's daughter and I may end up giving a note via that way...

They really are great kids and I'd hate to have them not know my feelings towards them...

Honestly diamond, since you are not their "mother" there is not much you can do unless he allows it.

Send a hallmark? Ask him if he'll let them go for ice cream? Knock on the door when you know they are home and give them a little goodbye gift.

Don't beat yourself up if he is too cruel to let his children say goodbye to you. It is not your cruelty but his.

V.

Diamonds, I have thought from the outset of you posting that your fiancee is downright mean (I'll never forget the "crawl back on your knees to your ex" comment), so little of this "new" side surprises me.

I cannot believe that he would not let you have communication with his kids, especially if it's just to say "goodbye" - this is just very strange, controlling, and nasty.

IMHO, of course.

AGG

AGG,
I'm not saying that he would not allow me to contact them - I was just stating the worst and didn't want the kids to think that I didn't care and could just walk away without any words to them...

I wrote a brief note to them and it should be delivered today at school through my friend's "little sister" (from BigBro/BigSis).

I'm very shocked and confused with the outcome of it all...I feel somewhat blindsided...yes, he was negative, yes, he said some things that he shouldn't have...but I loved this man and it's scary to think that I "really" didn't know him like I thought I had...

Weekends for me will be the toughest...although I am really looking forward to this one...My sons and I are going to Michigan to drive jeeps...we're really hoping for RAIN as this would make it all that much more fun and challenging!

One day at a time...

sunnyva,
The sad part of the whole thing involving the kids is...their mother isn't/wasn't much of a mother to them - not that I ever tried to take her place - it's just sad for them...and I'm sure they really didn't see it coming...things were fairly normal in their presence.

I just got approved for a home improvement loan and will be doing things to spruce up my little townhouse...I'm looking forward to that taking care of some of my time and thoughts...

My son that lives with me went shopping last night for a new Tv...ended up with 3 - one for the living room and one for each our rooms...I had given G back his on Sunday...