Hi everybody idled try to keep this short and sweet
I met my wife, while I was on a cruise. She was our translator, and when it came time for the ship to leave the port I was not on it instead I had taken everything off the ship called and quit my job and spent the next month, traveling around Europe. With this incredible, incredible woman carried. She is a Russian citizen, and traveled on a Russian passport even though we first match in Helsinki. At the end of 30 days. I asked her to marry me, and one year later, she arrived in the U. S. her visa; which was any K-1 fiancé visa gave her 90 days to get married or go home. 80 days later, we were married. And our marriage was great, right up until a job change. Sent me to the big city.

She was so excited to move, because in this city. There was a significant Russian community. This new jobs had a working 72 hours a week plus… It was also during this time that she started to gain some weight. She went from 5'4" tall, weighing 105 pounds to being 5'4" tall and weighing 135 pounds. It was also during this time, and she became extremely bitter and depressed. I think a lot of it was the weight gain. She carried it all in her face, and if you didn't know her before. You would never guess it was her in the pictures. After 2 1/2 years in this and what sex being slowly reduced to one maybe two times per month and barely tolerated at that. On some weekends, she would lay in bed all day. Also during this time frame. She had gone back to school and even though she already had her degree in engineering. She decided she wanted to be a CPA instead. So after a total of four years to let's were happy two of which she was fat and bitter.

She graduated magna cum laude from a major university. I had paid for every bit of her degree and she graduated debt free. A very attractive girl with a degree in engineering and accounting with her grades meant that she had a job before she graduated in May with the world's largest chip manufacturer… at $70-$80000 per year old salary plus bonus plus stock options plus all benefits package. A week or so after she had gone through the probationary period with flying colors and knew she woes going to be kept long-term. Her credit bureau shows an inquiry from a property management company, then one week before Christmas was just two or three weeks after the inquiry. She announces that she is not happy (and she certainly never acted happy at least during those last two years) and was moving. Which she did … leaving five days before Christmas. AND WHICH I thought was an extremely selfish and thoughtless thing to do.

There are no allegations of any type of abuse of anything in our marriage. I am 15 years older than she is which has never been an issue. For the next two months are my feelings were hurt and I was mad at her. Even though I did nothing to stop her when she decided to move. I told her that I wanted to divorce, but before we did she knew to go to the doctor to see if she was suffering from depression or some other malady that had changed her so dramatically from angel to fat witch… she went and was diagnosed hypothyroid. If you read what these symptoms of hypothyroidism are you would see depression, loss of libido, sense of hopelessness, and extreme irritability at the top of the list. I remember crying I was so thankful to she could be cured and back to her old self, simply by taking a pill every morning. And 60 days later, she was back in 90 days later. She had lost all the weight…. I couldn't believe my luck, my happy and feminine thin wife was back…. only problem is she did not want to move back into the house… I could not understand why and she told me it was because of the way I treated her when she was a ******.

She said that I shut her out of my life, and to she did not feel a love for me anymore…. and I did not make her happy. This was about May of this year we still had not had sex since early December. Her cell phone records indicate that she knew others having conversations and text messages with another guy who had apparently met her in a singles bar when she was out with her friends. By the end of June, she was lying to me and they started to have sex. The doctor told me that when her sex drive returned. Sometimes it would return with a vengeance. So do be careful of what I wished for.

Apparently, when her sex drive returned I was not there, and so, Mr. Right now became the beneficiary of her newfound sexuality may have been seeing each other now about almost 3 months. When I found out who the guy while as by running as plates, I went online and had a full background check done on him and discovered that he was a bona fide loser grew would never be able to afford her shoe habit, let alone her. I gave this information to her showing her that his credit beacon score was under 400, where most of the people on this earth are 650-700 she stopped seeing him. As as I knew for sure that she was cheating I filed for an annulment of our marriage citing marital fraud in that she never ever intended to stay married to me beyond need award of her degree and the acquisition of a great job. That she had promised me children and had no intention on delivering any and also that she simply married me to obtain a green card.

An annulment means the marriage never happened in if she was never married then she was in violation and had overstayed her visa by a significant amount which would subject her to immediate removal. And she would not be able to reapply for reentry for 10 years. It was this realization; I think that as much as the fact that he was a loser that caused her to stop seeing him and suddenly become interested in counseling. I had tried to get her to go to counseling throughout those six months that we were living apart and she would not go I tried to explain that any marriage worth getting into was worth seeing if there was something left that could be salvaged. She disagreed. I explained to her that a person who wasn't willing to work to save their marriage was probably never really married. And then to do nothing but date their husband with every date no matter how good or how much fun always ending at her door with a kiss good night and nothing else.

I only waited 24 hours the first time we made love and there I was 6 months deep after 5 years of marriage and nothing. I could have bedded mother Teresa after 6 months of dating like we had just gone thru but not my own wife?? Wouldn’t you have thought that after 6 months she would have at least given me a sympathy session …I mean I dobn’t know a woman who wouldn’t have one weak moment in 6 mos or feel sorry for the guy once in 6 mos.

Hypothryoidism is a serious sex killer Other then to date, their husband and have no sex with him would lead me to conclude that she never really was married to me and was just using me. Nobody gives up without trying something was ever really married she swears that she loved me once, but no longer did I also had given her copies of letters from forums like this that had really grabbed me in their ability to it describe exactly the pain that her affair caused you know that pain that awful empty black feelings at engulfs you when you know, someone else is sleeping with your wife. I felt so cheated because I had endured her anger and bitterness and her depression and stood by her through the whole ordeal only to be rewarded for my efforts and commitment to her by getting a front row seat for her affair. , by the way when she moved out she only moved across the street about 200 yards away. She tells me that I blackmailed her into going to counseling but that she is committed to seeing if it can work.

I told her I wanted a no contact letter sent to Mr. RN and she did it and sent it as I sat there and copied me on it which almost instantly generated a phone call where she told him not to call her again and every time he contacted her she would tell me because she wanted to gain my trust back and it was almost too choreographed I mean there the emotions were real I thought but I guess I’m just a bit paranoid after all that has happened. Anyway she wants to make this deal with me …1. she wants to go try to fix our marriage if we can and she wants to give it a 1000% effort for 3-4 months and if we are making progress then great she wants to be in love with me again she doesn’t know if she can …and no one goes to counseling in her country (which is why they are all always drunk) but if we get to the point where it just isn’t going to work then she wants me to agree to let go and no annulment threats …and at that point enter into some kind of divorce counseling/ mediation deal because she said she still loves me as a person and wants us to be friends etc forever …that’s what I would have done if she had agreed to go 3 months ago or 6 months ago …

I don’t want to go through another 56 month roller coaster ride and I am way to close to this to even consider trying to call it …my gut says that she may be getting ready to go through the motions and if I can show her a good plan A then maybe she will come around or with the time that would give us in counseling or whatever she would come to realize that I am not to blame for wall of her depression etc. what do you guys think …I hate this whole thing and am so tired of being creamed from one angle or another…and also has anyone had any experience with Mort Fertels “Marriage Fitness program” that’s what we were considering “ Marriage Fitness Tele Boot Camp for 7 weeks” and start trying to build positive habits because I haven’t had this woman around me since the first years of our marriage all I am really used to was her evil thyroid starved twin who tortured me for 2 years

Most russian women are liars, thieves and amoral people.

NEVER marry a russian.Especially an immigrant

Hi iwantwifeback. I hope that you are still around. And sorry that you did not get a proper welcome to the boards. This section gets much less traffic than either the Emotional Needs or General Questions II boards. You may want to try reposting there.

I do not have much advice for you, but do wish you the best of luck.

Hi Iwantwifeback,

You actually dug up the credit report of your wife's lover to convince her to drop him and get back with you? Why? What's the point?

She let you pay her way through school and sponsor her green card and then she decided to leave you. Have you ever thought that maybe she's a user?

Now you threaten her with annulment, which would mean she would lose her green card and her degree would be worthless and now she shows interest in getting back with you. Open your eyes man! Think!

Anyway, if you've been married four years there is no way you're going to get an annulment. You may be able to sue her in civil court for fraud and recoup the tuition but I'm not even close to a lawyer. Maybe you need to go see a lawyer.

I would suggest you let it go and move on. Can you imagine marrying someone, letting them pay your way through school and sponsor your green card and THEN dumping them without even trying to fix whatever is wrong with the relationship? Did she even offer to repay you for the tuition?

Sometimes we hold on to people we need to let go.

I'll ask you this: Is it her personality, character and companionship that you love so much or are you afraid you won't be able to find someone as skinny, young and pretty as she is?