I have exposed and exposed. now i am being branded by WW as a controller and a obsessive person.

Now although i see the reasoning behind exposing to all, how does it heal if and whenever we get to recovery?

she keeps "roller coastering " all the time.

dont know if because OM marriage date is getting closer.

nc007, it is very common for a WS to be angry at the BS for ruining her affair. But don't worry, it will blow over as she comes out of fogland. As she withdraws from the affair [provided all contact has ended] she will get over her anger at your interference in her affair.

Just liken her to a crackhead who just had her crack taken away from her, she will be furious at first at the loss of the crack, but she can't recover until it is gone. Your exposure took the affair away from her and makes it possible for her to withdraw. Once she withdraws and gets into recovery, she won't be angry anymore.

nc,

It's been my experience that "branding" is a "side effect" of "the fog". It's uncomfortable.....so......the easiest thing to do is to brand it as "controlling and obsessive".

However.....as a codicil...."how" exposure is accomplished is as important as the exposure. That's one of the reasons that I encourage folks to make sure that it's done in the most compassionate possible for both the WS, but especially for the folks recieving the information. It's important that they know your "intent" which is to save the marriage....NOT to simply embarrass or harass the affair partners. Exposure has a purpose....to end secrecy....so it's "thrust" should be to galvanize people against the affair rather than to give ugly details about the affair itself.

It should be classy and as civil as possible so that the message is clear and the messenger is more protected. It should also be seen as a sincere attempt to gain help for the WS by way of friends, families, or coleagues who are truly concerned about the marriage. So "selecting" the best targets <I believe> is better than a "blanket" style exposure.

PS....and I'm sure the wedding date DOES have something to do with it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mel:

nc's WW is apparently still in contact with the OM. The OMW2be allegedly just views the A as a "friendship."

Kind of like RM's new wifeypoo allegedly viewed my W's relationship with her H.

Icky.

-ol' 2long

aaaaaaaah, thanks for the update, 2Long.

nc007, have you tried to show the OMW2B that this is an affair?

Yes....icky indeed! So is the repeated exposure an attempt to get this OMW's head out of the sand? It's so difficult when you're dealing with a BS in denial......sigh.

In jamaica things are a bit different i guess. How do i deal with continued contact(i suspect) under the guise of wedding co-ordination?

You see i could continue to expose what was already done, or like i read somwhere plan A myself. to protect myself from the hurt until the affair is over/ burnout.(?)

nc,

I lived in the Carribean for a while....not Jamaica....but Trinidad. Yes, the culture is slightly different. As I recall, affairs were so prevalent that the OWs were called "deputies" LOL....there were some very funny Calypso songs about that. The wide spread acceptance of these relationships DOES make it harder....but I still think the program is sound in spite of the differences....why? Because your wife is definitely uncomfortable. If you've completed exposure.....move on to the other parts of Plan A though. Repetition has diminishing returns unless you have iron clad concrete proof (pictures, videos, emails...that sort of thing).

((((((((((((((((((nc))))))))))))))))))

ncoo7: do you mean Plan B? Plan B is the protection phase, not Plan A.

But if you have some hard evidence, I would take it the OMW to try and convince her of the affair. I would make convincing her my #1 goal, because that is likely to reap the greatest return. Who else have you exposed the affair to?