Hi everyone...I'm new here. My husband and I have been separated for over 2 years. He left me for a much younger woman and recently left her because he realized what he was doing was wrong. He now want to get back together. Can someone help me to know where to begin? Right now we are living 1200 miles apart. Help!!!!

Do you have Children Anna? Do you even want him back? Ironic how this fits the 2 year timeline.

Anna - start by reading the infidelity FAQ's in my sig below.

Welcome to MB

Welcome to MB but very sorry that you are here.

I guess my questions would be first of all do you want him back?

THen the next thing I would ask is what EXACTLY WILL he do to come back? What is it you NEED form him? COunselling for sure. A no contact letter for sure.

My next question is, what happened? DO you know for a FACT that he is repentant? Or is it possible that teh OW kicked him out? I would be very wary.

MOst of all be strong and be on guard. BUT you need to know what WH will do. Adn a word of caution. If, when you ask him what he will do, he uses the words, I will TRY, keep your guard up. From persoanl experience, anytime ANYONE says I'll TRY and does not say I WILL they are leaving themselves an exit and an out. THey are not fully committed to recovery.

Most of all, read read read here. THere is a wealth of information and lots of experts that will help you come up with a Plan. TO help you get through this.

We have been married for 30 years....we have 4 grown children and of course I want him back....I love him.

He has broken it off with the OW. I know that he is repentant...he knows what he did was wrong.

I don't need negative advise....I need people to give me positive advise....so if you have anything negative to say please keep it to yourself.

Welcome to MB.

I suggest you purchase and read Surviving an Affair.

Who moved away? Just curious about logistics.

You need a plan as to what you require from him.
No Contact ever again with OW
Complete openess and honesty
A No Contact letter sent, etc.

Would counseling be an option financially?

Keep posting

After two years and 1200 miles I think the advice to be guarded is both good and positive. Two years is a long time to be apart under stressful conditions. You and he both may have changed.

I would suggest you ease back into it. Perhaps he could rent an apartment close to you for a while so you two can get reacquainted and rebuild your relationship.

Lastly, most of the people who post do so with good intentions. If they ask probing, thought-provoking questions that seem challenging, they are garnering information so they can offer the best possible advice.

Good luck to you.

Most people here don't blow sunshine either.

The reason we are so far apart is his father passed away and he is helping his mother get adjusted. He is planning on moving back here but not sure how soon. I think it's good for now that we are far apart because it is forcing us to talk on line and on the phone. I have the book (Surviving an Affair) already and I'm having one sent to him and we are going to study it together. He has agreed to do that. We are christians and he is getting counciling from his pastor. When we do get back together he has agreed to go together.

Where is the OW?

Is she someone he works/worked with?

The OW is 150 miles away from me and about 1050 miles from him. She is much younger than him...they really had nothing in common.

Hello, Annarose. If you thought I was giving you negative advise, you misread me totally. What I was asking you was how you felt. And both from personal experience AND from being a MB poster for years, there is a LOT of things that can stand in the way of recovery. And the most common mistake that newbies <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> make is taking the word of the WS without prooof of commitment.

THe successs here are many. ANd the one that do make it ALL have something in common. All of them. The willingness to learn. And the willingness to clearly state their own boundaries and to follow through.

ANd the willingness to learn includes asking hard questions honestly. BoTh of their spouses and themselves.

THis of course is if BOTH parties are EQUALLY WILLING to do the work. ONe person CANNOT make a marriage work.

IT was not my intent to be either negative or offensive. Yet I won't "sugar-coat" the hard work required. Because this is a battle. TO heal, to get your family back together, and to make sure that a couple of years down the road that you are hapily married and PAST this. Past in the true sense. Meaning NOT ignoring the things that lead up to the intial adultery in the first place. Learning to be honest with each and growing together.

I wish you luck on this journey you have chosen. It can be well worth it.