I'm more or less just trying to vent this out, but feel free to comment if you feel compelled to.. I'd love the company <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I decided (stupidly?) to call OW and tell her I do not hate her for this, that I know it's not all her fault and it was his doing as well, and to hear the story of the A recalled from her side. (got extra info, that he admitted to) Now she calls and texts me often. I do not really "mind" her calling, but she wants to whine about missing my WF as a friend. Almost like shes buttering me up to get me to let them be friends again. This A only happened a couple weeks ago. I'm SO not cool with anything even remotely CLOSE to that. She knows this, he knows this. He doesn't even want to be her friend... he is strictly abiding by his NC letter and when she contacts him he tells me upon discovering the email. He can no longer get phone calls from her, his phone is now inactive. The only way she can talk to him is if she calls his store on his chance days he works.. or to myspace him. I've been told of a phonecall since the NC and he hung up on her (nosey friend of mine backed that story up too). The myspace messages never get replied to unless I do the replying.. and I always tell her it is me talking and to please stop messaging. What she is doing is beating her head into the wall for nothing, he's told her, and hung up on her, and ignored her and NC lettered her. She's not at the "stalker" point, but she wants to talk to me all the time. Driving me mad.

I know he still very much wants to talk to her, but he knows it hurts me, and he would still feel tempted so he avoids it all together. (Good boy?)

So now what.. she can't have him so she wants me? I'm begining to thing that all she wanted is a friend. She just wants to talk to me. She'll whine about my man for 5 minutes then just go on and on about life stuff. Work, kid, family etc. for the rest of the 45 or so mins on the phone.

Anyone know what to make of this? It's real confusing to me.

Thanks..

Stop all contact with her NOW.

NC just isn't for your WH, its also for YOU. Contact with the OW only continues her ability to effect your marriage.

END IT NOW.

I agree. I've had unfortunate contact with my wife's OM this last year (because of kids sport). It has hurt our marriage no question. My wife has had absolute NC though.

NC for you both. Our kids are changing clubs next season = zero contact for us all. Much better.

Our EA OW did the same thing.

Just as recently as a couple of months ago she tried to call me again. Our d-day was SIX YEARS ago. We sent and NC letter, she never tried to contact my H again but she has tried to contact me several times over the years. However in recent years the attempts have come with less frequency. I ignore her.

See this for what it is.

The OW could care less about you...you are merely a stepping stone. You are her only link left with your H.

Do not talk to her anymore. Hang up on her. Don`t worry about being polite. If she shows up on your step shut the door in her face.

She may up the ante... threaten suicide (that`s what ours did) or attempt some other kind of nonsense. Remain firm and eventually she`ll get the message.

Remember what I said in the other post? She's trying to get you to lower your guard. Then she swoops in for the kill...namely your fiance. By continuing contact with her, you are leaving the door open for another affair.

I know it's tempting to become friends with her, in order to "feel her out" or learn information about the affair, but keep in mind, she's only telling you what she wants you to hear.

Please...for the sake of your engagement....end all contact. This woman does not have your best interests at heart...only hers.

Ditto what Daisy posted. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

The A is a selfish virus. Deeply entrenched in the souls of the WS and OP.

Any contact with an OP as an OP is dangerous.

There is no guarantee you will be told the truth. At the very best, truth mixed with lies. The OP has nothing to gain by telling you the truth but a lot to gain by getting you to believe her lies and be able to manipulate you.

The OW in my case wanted to give ME marriage counseling advice. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> ...... stupid OW, her H left her because she was such a controlling manipulating creature. Babbled all night long (so I heard from the then WS).....even he fell asleep on her babble.

Later the OW wanted to get her guilt off her 'chest' and give it to me....her hopes were to get the WS to rush back to her arms. Stupid OW. Didn't she learn when I took a bag of his dirty laundry and hung it on her door that it was the most she was ever gonna get? Ha!

Don't waste your time with the OW. Instead work on getting real info from your H and find a way to get that WS out of your lives.

L.

I'd also recommend re-thinking having a myspace site.

If it has pictures of you and your husband or just of your husband she may be using this as a way to "stay in contact". She certainly visits it because she posts there.

You can make the myspace site accessible only to those you choose to allow. This way you can keep the site but ensure she doesn't have access.

There is no need for her to see pictures of you, your husband and family or read about what's going on in your lives.

Also, see if you can block her number from your cell phone and home phone. Change numbers if you have to. My wife and I changed our numbers to keep the OM and their wives from calling.

Blessings.

THANK YOU ALL! You all just re-iterated what I was already figuring. I told my WF this today. She wants to be all friendly to me to get me to lower my guard and let them be friends again... so this can continue. I'm now removing her from "my" myspace, and removing our pictures as well. His myspace has no photos of him or myself, he doesn't even use the damn thing anymore.. I use it to check up on if shes contacting him. So.. you've all clarified what I was already feeling.

Funny, I ALMOST trusted her intentions being genuine. Damn shame too. Learn and live I suppose. I didn't have any want to be her friend as what she did.. and aparently DOES FREQUENTLY is totally sickening to me. The woman is openly attracted to TAKEN men. She can stay the ****** away from mine!

Thanks again...