Just got a cll from WW. she said that she had to meet with the principal this morning and in the middle of the whole conversation with our DS, he said:"i want to save mommy and daddy, i want to save my family".

OMG........she sounded so calm relating it to me.

She kept asking about if i ever mentioned anything about us splitting up of coming apart. WTH....cant she see that our DS is no idiot , even at 5 years.

I hate her for doing this to him.

It hurt me deeply.......

I am truly hurt.

Oh God, why do WS do these things w/o thinking about offsprings?

Why destroy the future of a child for selfish pleasures of now, Is the OM, money and high life worth it.

Why kill a child's dream? (just had a good cry)

what should i do for DS?

help with input please.

Hugs from me! I'm in the same boat with my boys. WH moved out almost 2 months ago and although he seems them 3 days a week, things show up. Youngest wrote a homework sentence that said, My dad is gone. I thought I would lose it as did his teacher who is my best friend. I made a point of making sure WH saw this because he wants to be kept up when the boys have problems with what's going on. What better evidence?

I hope/know you will get some good advice from this site and its many knowledgeable members. They've been a great saving grace for me since d-day. I hope better days on coming soon for you and your DS.

This is my biggest concern with my situation -- trying to protect my son from the emotional pain of the separation and divorce.

People keep telling me that kids adapt. Of course they will; just like when someone loses a leg or an arm. You can adapt, but you'll never be the same.

Dr. Shirley Glass has shown that the percentage of divorces among grown children of divorced parents is much higher than that of other children.

H45 i believe that is true..by WW comes from a broken family. but it doesnt mean that you apply the same thing to your own offspring.

angiemoose......hugs back to you thank you for your support. stay strong...even for me too on this rock.

you wrote: "Oh God, why do WS do these things w/o thinking about offsprings?

Why destroy the future of a child for selfish pleasures of now, Is the OM, money and high life worth it.

Why kill a child's dream? (just had a good cry)"

Yes, the OM, the rush, the high, the crack if you would is worth everything to them. Crack addicts will kill someone for $10 if it means they get their next fix. She will step over you, abandon the kids, lose friends, betray her morals, drop everything and everyone to get a fix of the OM at this point. It will crash and burn at some point and it will be ugly when it does, much like a crack addict going cold turkey. It is likely that you will have moved on by this time.

Protect you and your children and let the rest fall where it may.

H&P....Somehow if this does happen. (I Pray it dont). then i will be a better person for it. All of you here are very supportive of whats going on in other peoples lives.

Exposing to OMW and family and friends, at least in my case, has resulted in denials, overcontrol and delusion.

My child comes first......now and forever..........i am going to make sure of that.

I dont want to move on like this. I want to make sure that he is safe.

Somehow i feel like the love i had for her is slowly deminishing. really.

I think that scares me too.

I like the example of Chuck Norris in this contect.

He grew up with a father who was an alcoholic and a womaniser, who would split for a few weeks whenever he couldn't cope, leaving his wife and three sons to fend for themselves.
His father made the family move from place to place, mostly living in trailer parks, not giving the kids any steadiness.
Finally the parents D'd.

He had a very loving and Christian mother, whom he says "never said a bad thing about anyone" and always kept seeing the positive side of things.

How did this affect Chuck Norris ?

He overcame his insecurities (with the well-known results <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />).
He did "follow in his father's footsteps" by cheating on his wife when he was young.
But he stayed with his wife for close to 30 years, in spite of the fact that they actually had little in common and married too young and inexperienced.
He loves his children very much and anyone who knows him will attest that he has his heart in the right place and will not turn his back on family or friends, no matter what.
I think he turned out a pretty good guy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

So.. love your children.
Take care of yourself.
Stay strong and loving.
No matter how bad the example is that your partner is setting..
Your part will matter enormously.
Your care, your encouragment, your love is priceless.

Now you see why i come here BH its because of people like you.

Look she is still miffed about all this exposure and the OM wedding is not making it any easier for WW.

I will be strong for my son. The sad thing is that she cant have anymore kids.

Like she said: " i live for my son now...."

what if her son bite her in the butt in the future..then what?

well BH tanks. thanks alot. appreciated.

I am right there with you, NC.

I work for each of my boys for different reasons. I worry for the baby because WH left while I was early preggers, wasn't there for the birth, and has seen him rarely.
I worry for the 5 year old because he has a huge desire to be loved by his dad. I can see it in his interactions, and I can see that he desires attention so much like his dad.
And I worry for Ollie that he'll get lost in the middle.

Some things I will do regardless of what kind of father WH ends up being.

Love them and love them more.
Tell them how special they are.
Speak the truth to them always about what happened. No sugar-coating the horrid truth of adultery. Not gonna let them think it's okay, but also not gonna blast their dad. There is a fine line there, and I will walk it cautiously.
Provide them a big brother of sorts to be a positive male role model.
Pray with them and for them daily.
Teach them responsibility.
And be available. How important it is to be there whenever I can.
Teach them also to be independent.
Teach them about choices. When disciplining, I refer to their choices continuosly.

Hang in there. In a weird interconnected virtual way, we're all in this together.

Intexas

I almost think you can't keep them out of the crossfire, but you can protect them and insure they are loved and have the faith and truth to carry on. I have learned the hardway if you try to influence kids it doesn't work. I only did it for a week, slight comments her and a tone of voice there. I stopped because its wrong. I think WW continues.

What I have found is that my 11 8 and 6 year old have bonded tighter with me and now openly talk about the hurt they feel from WW.

I had to drop them off tonight at MIL and my 8 yr old wouldn't get out of the car. cried and cried and cried. Said she couldn't sleep in the house with mom, all she had was nightmares of daddy dying. God that broke my heart. So the kids are more aware of the truth that we think and that is what we have to remember.

I broke down and told my WW that she needs to move away be with OM and get out of their life, she is destroying them and they are have nightmares and she doesn't want to recognize it, she just wants to be a Wayward. She is leaving thursday for another 4 day weekend with the OM.

How stupid can she get

You can't protect your children from the pain of D. They will have to deal with it the best they can. You can reassure them you both love them & you can be consistant in your behavior but they will have to go through what they go through.

WW spouses have a way of rewriting everything so I don't know that you can expect your WS to see this as the problem you see it as. She should but likely won't. They have their heads in a whole different place than the rest of the world, especially those closest to them. Their reality is so far from the reality you & your children see & feel you have to remove expectations they will see clearly the destruction they cause.

Be the strength your child needs right now. Your WS is useless in providing what the child needs.

Not only am I a FBW with a 13 yo DD dealing with recovery at this time. I had to survive the infidelity of two stepFs and as an adult my step M. I've wished a thousand times over that I could tap into what I felt like then in an effort to help my DD.

Infidelity and Divorce is always tough -- some fair well, others don't. Depending on how well we (a child) fair depends on whether or not they have some source of support?


A few suggestions:
Listen
Validate their feelings without bashing the other parent
Remember that you can validate their feelings without agreeing or disagreeing
Try to avoid letting them overhear and definately don't bash in front of them

If you have an IC see if they can recommend a good play therapist -- can be useful good for smaller children of divorce, etc.

wow. thank you all. i guess you really cont protect them from hurt.Almost like a crash scene.