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#17488 10/04/99 11:14 PM
Joined: Oct 1999
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Now that the OW has left town, I hope that my H and I will be able to establish some sort of trusting relationship. However, because he has never been in love with me where do I go from here?

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When a betrayer says they never loved you, it's usually because they're deep in the heart of fantasy-land. Did your H say that to you? He probably didn't mean it, but said it because he thinks he found "the one" and that his "soul mate" has shown him the true meaning of love. <P>So, she's moved. GOOD!! That's a good place to begin. Time is the great healer now. You'll see your H go through withdrawls and be distant and non-commital to you. You, on the other hand, will feel the kind of pain that only those who've been betrayed understand. <P>But this can be done!! Has H admitted affair, how did it end, and is he living at home? All questions that you need to answer for more advice and guidance.<P>Best wishes as you work to repair your marriage!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

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I am soooo happy she left. Good for YOU!<P>When we respond and say "Soul mate" thing, usually we mean that "Coined Garbage imitation for real love phrase". In otherwords, when the betrayer thinks that this person was their only true love, the only person they've ever truly been in love with, or a "soul-mate" love, we recognize that as a familiar statement eluding to "MUSH FOR BRAINS"... Common statement. Common fantasy they are in. Common la la land. Common bad brain speaking.....<P>You are so much more ahead of the game!!!!! I know, it is easy to feel sorry and grief for the loss of the innocense in your marriage, but - this is a point to build from.<P>

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Well, H said that he had never been in love with me (he DOES commit to loving me deeply - but just not BEING in love).<P>He is currently living at home (and has been for almost 3 straight weeks), but does rent with a friend. Yes, I know his room-mate; one of the men H works with.<P>H found out over the course of the last few months that OW really used him - a lot. She lied to him and overall acted like a 17 year old school girl. H has gone through a great deal of grief. I, by choice, have been supportive and listened to him. Yes, I had to coax him into talking, but I simply could not stand by and watch him grieve alone. OW leaving town was probably due to her being unable to face my H any more with him knowing the truth about her.<P>One VERY important element of our relationship is this 'unfathomable' bond which we have. This is recognized by both of us and has kept us more together than apart during this whole affair. I believe that this bond is genuine love, not the hormonal rush of 'being in love'. But, that's my opinion.<P>I have set no conditions for his permanent return should he choose to. While we have discussed divorce, it is not in the works in any way. <P>Thank you for your reponses! They have been encouraging and "mush-for-brains" brought quite the belly laugh! I needed it.


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