Thanks.

When you say FWW, are you recovering, divorced, separated? If you don't mind me asking...

Walt,

I am none of the above.

I am still with the FWW. That is about all I can say at this time. It has been rough and draining on me but I am trying.

More then anything I give my advice based on not being in recovery. My FWW has the "I'm fine mentality" so it must be you. LOL.

The MC we are now going too is seeing that but she has too as well.

Little more background my FWW is an alcoholic she is now almost 9 month's sober.

If we ever D it will be very distructive so I have tried to delay that choice for as long as possible.

I would do everything within my power to get custody and I don't want to put my kids through that.

I can't separate because of child custody. In order for me to leave I would need custody decided before the separation which would be distructive.

So I sit and wait and if it changes great if not then I make a tough decesion. But if and when I do it won't be pretty and I really want to leave that as a very last resort.

We shall see.

I've only had one MC session, but I feel like the MC came down on me in a way. The wife has a way of making people feel sorry for her.

It is ironic how she'll tell her story, get people to pity her, then I'll come sweeping in like a B-52 bomber filling in the gaps of the story at which point I can literally see the persons face turn in disgust and disappointment.

Even the priest had a similar feeling.

I hope she sees the light before it's too late.

LOL. Sorry but I gotta laugh. Ok I have my breath back now. Nope still laughing.

My FWW is the same exact way. It really has hurt in trying to get to recovery. She finds allies that no matter what the situation they will take her side.

She will tell the story to make me look like a crazy lunatic. Her stories usually omit any fact that might cast her in a negative light.

Our second MC. Yes I said second I am on number three. Made a comment in our first session together that really threw me for a loop. When we left I found out why. My FWW ommitted some pretty important facts. LOL. So I went in for my session with her and the look on the MC's face said it all.

So now my plan is to let her talk then fill in the minor details she forgot. LOL.

MC's are trained to see that in a person. It will give you a great deal of credibility.

For instance the FWW had an issue with the fact that once every month and a half we had blow ups. He is just crazy...... So when she was done he asked me what I thought about it. I said I agree we do have the blow ups. Do we want to talk about them? How about 6-12 of them happened when I took my FWW out to reconnect only to watch her flirt with other men right in front of me? I guess I should have? At least 6-12 were because she spent money on herself and re did her entire wardrobe after spending a bunch of money on OM. BTW I had just lost 50lbs and needed new clothes. Her response "it is not my fault you gained all of that weight and then lost it"

Well then what do you have to say about that HL's FWW. See he always brings up the past.

So then I filled in the gaps pretty well by saying. There is never any fault assigned in any situation until my FWW can be the victim. She can call me pathetic and tell me she wishes I was dead but when I start calling names back she is the victim. MC said "You said that to him" oops amnesia time. I don't remember. LOL.

So as long as you fill them in for him you will be fine.

What I am trying to do is learn from this. If I go with my FWW and it doesn't work out is it a loss? Heck no. I have learned MY PART. Knowing is half the battle.

Be patient when filling in the spots and never ever exagerate. Oh and take ownership. I always say yes I did that and it was wrong. I will take ownership of my part without excuses.

My wife is the same way, pity pity pity. She was trying to get the cops to let her in my house a couple weeks ago, and was giving them the pity deal like I was at fault. I filled that gap too...

The best thing I did to thwart her efforts for support was to tell her family ALL the details. Her infidelity, her behavior with our daughter, the mean comments she's made to me over the last several months.

The only support she gets is with her skank friends, but her family doesn't really care for them too much and tell her that she should separate herself from them. I love the support I've gotten from my inlaws. If this works out, it is the foundation for the relationship I've always wanted with them.

LIF... I pray for you. Your story breaks my heart.

Good counseling session today. The pity train seems like it's running out of steam.

The latest post on my story is in my other thread linked in my signature.

Seems like we're moving in a positive direction... but I have to admit... with the improvements I've made to myself along with her droning on about the same stuff over and over again, it starts to get old sometimes. The feeling that I want to roll my eyes is better than the sinking feeling I had for the past couple months.

I know that I need to stay focused on the marriage as well as myself. Sometimes, it's not easy...

See Photos on Sunday or Monday... before and during.

Walt

You may find that harder then you think.

I too had a good MC session last night. Real darn good.

I find it somewhat perplexing that my FWW wants/needs/expects(one of those maybe something different) for me to get over and move on from her A. However she wants to continue down the road of unforgiveness for my misteps.

Last night the pity party started because I called her a wh#$e when we were fighting(not recently but in the beginning). The MC looked at me and asked if I did. I said I most certainly did and I have apologized and told her I don't really think that. I said I tell her how beuatiful I think she is etc. She said well it is hard to forgive you for that.

I then said you know over the last three years my FWW has called me pathetic, she told me she wishes I was dead, she had called me an a hole. Now you see I am sitting here today chosing to ignore those things because even though they hurt I do not really believe my FWW really thinks like that. If I beleived that to be true we would be divorced right now. I would think that if my FWW really believed I thought she was a wh$@e she would do the same. I will never say I was right or she was right for doing that but sometimes in the heat of the moment you say things to hurt people because they have hurt you.

I beleive actions speak louder then words. I massage my FWW, I buy her gifts, I give her baths, I make darn sure I pleasure her. If I thought she was a w*^%e I would not do any of these things. I would throw her 20 bucks and say thanks when I was done using her as a vessel for my release. That does not happen.

Now I have forgiven her for saying those things to me because in my heart I don't believe them to be true. She refuses to forgive them and it is kinda getting a little disturbing. She can't forgive name calling, when she calle me names too, but expects me to forgive .....

I said I need to think a little on that.

So in all honesty my journey through this thing has given me a very good perspective on this whole mess.

I have worked on me. I have seen my character flaws. I have made efforts to change.

My FWW still wants to be the victim at times. When I got done last night I think I made a very good point that if you want to be forgiven you need to be forgiving. Doesn't work both ways.

I am not the same person, I think I am better. The MC seems to be affirming that. The FWW is having a hard time with change.

Something will change. I am now at much more ease with the possibility of a D. I don't want one by any means because I am giving the FWW an opportunity to improve her relationship skills. But I do know now that I have been pretty darn good for a pretty long time.

If I have to leave I can walk away knowing I did the best I could for as long as I could.

To me, that's unbelievably self-centered and completely unacceptable. I find that some people never grow up and blame the entire world on whatever they've done wrong. I consider myself accountable for all my actions. I take alot of pride in that... sometimes to a fault.

Walt,

I agree completely. Sometimes uttering the words "yes I did and it was completely wrong of me. It was unacceptable and I take complete ownership of that." Is very hard to do especially when the other person ducks and weaves etc.

When the MC asked if she really said she wished I was dead she said I don't remember when I said it but I am pretty sure he called me something first. LOL. I laugh because in a lot of cases she started tossing the verbal grenades I just returned fire.

Still to be true to myself I know what I did was wrong. I regret it. I wish I would have handled myself better. So I take ownership of it because it will help me in the future to not do it.

So in a sense I am being self centered. I am thinking of myself and my standards and boundries because I don't like being a bad mean person. There's some value in that.

I just don't want to give myself permission to be that way. Taking ownership takes away your permission sometimes.

Exactly. There's a powerful feeling when you SINCERELY take ownership of something you did wrong, and forgive those who've "traspassed against us".

It's much easier to do when you're truly at peace with yourself...

Picking out before pix with my daughter...

It's the most fun I've had in a long time! Like I'm seeing an old friend that I don't keep in touch with anymore... and never want to hear from again!

Check back early next week for link to pix.

Photos are scanned and will be uploaded to a website for viewing tomorrow.

Anyway... I hit my October 1 goal!!! Goal was to be under 250 and I was 247.5 this morning!!! An incredible feeling to reach this goal.

Next is below 240 by Halloween. Check back for photos... They're truly mind boggling to me.

Congratulations on reaching your goal!!!

Thanks KBAM. It's my first of several. Next is on October 31. Want to be under 240.

Ok, here they are. Three before pix, and three after, or like I like to refer to them as "during" pix. I've still got 22 pounds to go, but even if I stopped now, I'd be very happy with myself.

Before #1
Before #2
Before #3
After #1
After #2
After #3

What an inspiration you are WaltW!

Your daughter must be tickled pink.

Walt,

Truly amazing changes on the outside - but I think the inside changes are just as great.

Yes, the outside and inside changes go hand-in-hand. Thanks!

Walt...long time no write. Saw the pics. AWSOME. Just showing some friend here and telling them how inspiring you are. You have INTERNATIONAL Appeal dude!

Keep it Up. Hope God opens up your WW eyes more. Walt , they are being opening up. give it time. Be the rock. Your daughter will luv you for it.

Go with God.

One Love.

HOLY CANOLI,

So how you like me now is what I would be saying to the FWW.

Are you kidding me. You look great and I am a guy.

Good for you!!!!

Like I said before it takes a goal oreinted commited person to lose that kind of weight.

FWW needs to wake up and see you for what you are now!!!!

Better on the INSIDE and the outside as well.