I just realized today <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />that no matter how my M turns out I feel like I will be okay in the end. I am a good person, I am a happy person, I will make it, I have a lot to offer and my WW would be nuts to leave me. If she does though I am a better man now and I would be a good catch for someone. I want my M to work with all my heart, but if it doesn't I'll live and be happy one day and it will be her loss. I'm taking back MY life today.
Just wanted to share with you.
thanks
M2L

I know how you feel. I have had that moment. I have been in Plan B for nearly a month and I realized recently that I truly believe I will be fine no matter what happens. Like you I truly want my marriage to work with all my heart, but if it doesn't I believe I've made the right steps to be a better person and a better mate whether it's with my W or someone else down the road.
It's kind of a liberating feeling.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

M2L,

Yes. I like you feel the same way.

I got it watching the Home Shopping Network with the FWW. They had these really big cubic zarconia(sp) rings on and the FWW says "I would rather have a small diamond then a big CZ."

I realized I am the diamond. Her leaving me would be like her trading in a diamond for a CZ.

Then instead of worrying about finding another women etc. I stared making it about being better off alone or better off in my M.

If it ends and I am better off without her then I will lead a happy life whether or not I meet someone els.

I knew at that point I was fine. Today not so much but the difference is I have tools to deal with it.

Can I jump in here too?


I will be okay in the end. I am a good person, I am a happy person, I will make it, I have a lot to offer

Ditto that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yeah. The moment I told the Wookie not to let the door hit him in the hinder on his way out.

Surprisingly 'nuff, that was the moment he realized what he was losing and got his [censored] together. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

- Kimmy

Man it sure feels good when you get that feeling. For so long after d-day your feel like your W or H has taken your life from you that you just hang on day to day hoping for a good day and then it just hits you - I make MY life. I don't live my life waiting around for whatever my w or h will give me. I don't need her in my life - I want her in my life. MY choice!! Man that sures feels good to say (or type).

hang in there all, we are all in this together on the MB site.

M2L
ME 36
WW 33
Dday 5-8-06
DS5
DD2
wife still at home and I'm in plan A

Not there yet.

I have turned the corner where I realize and accept that although I desperately love my wife and am working my butt off to save our marriage, it may end in divorce. That was a big step for me in the process of dealing with her 2nd PA.

I'm not quite at the point where I believe I could achieve happiness without her.

Am I a better person? Don't know that either. I've grown in so many ways (patience, endurance, etc) but can't quite say that I'd be a "good catch" for someone else. The scars from all of this are still too fresh.

I trust someday I'll be able to look at myself in the mirror and see a better person. Hopefully, my wife will be next to me and see the same thing.

Blessings

M2L & Kimmy...

When Mr. W began to feel that way, it really shined through...No longer did I see him as "needy" or "desperate", but once again as the man that I fell in love with!!! I believe that to be a HUGE turning point for both the BS and the F/WS...Glad to hear you are there M2L, because YES, you most definitely will be better than OK, you'll be GREAT! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Mrs. W,

Glad to hear from you. I am starting to see things clearer now. I like me and I feel bad for WW. She is still in the fog and I can't leave now, she needs me, but doesn't know it yet. I have read alot about the time line and I'm just 4 months into it so I'll keep with Plan A.

good to talk to you again.
thanks
M2L

I have had that feeling before. It comes and goes with me, though. I have days where I feel fine, and then I have days where I hurt.

I want to be fine. No matter what happens. But sometimes it feels like it's so hard.

Artor,

I don't know you,but you already sound like a better person to me. You have been working on your short comings and learing to be a better man. Now if (I hope not) your M does not work out can you see yourself, the better man, having a life with some other woman? You would already be a better partner from the start with her. Artor, you were a good person - now your a better person. Live YOUR life and let your W notice you, she will one day. Your sitch is still very new and I'm sure your W is still trying to deal with alot herself.
good luck to you,
M2L

MB2L,

I think that everyone gets to this point sooner or later.

It’s a necessary development in actually being ok when everything shakes out one way or the other.

I reached this point myself, but it took quite a while.

I believe that the trip is so exhausting that it takes everything out of you and you have to start fresh again, from an introspective point of view.

Everything that you have built on seems like it’s gone, so you have to get back in touch with what you know about yourself and start to move out from that small sphere into the realm of your S’s influence.

But in the end you have to BELIEVE that the truth is you are a quality person that ANYONE would be happy to have as a S.

This is also usually when the BS decides to do everything that they can to be “their best person”.

I personally never took my eye off the ball and lost site of my goals, but in concentrating on recovering sometimes you are left with only one option and that’s to work on yourself.

I also believe that positive influence is very infectious. If you repeatedly live your life in a certain way, your S will eventually understand that it is not temporary and either get on board or become repulsed.

Mrs. W you said: When Mr. W began to feel that way, it really shined through...No longer did I see him as "needy" or "desperate", but once again as the man that I fell in love with!!!

I’m about to bet a zillion dollars that every WWS/FWS at one time or another sees their BS as “needy”.

I heard those very words on more than one occasion.

The one that sent me reeling was that I was “desperate”.

At the time that I heard that, after calling my W’s parents to ask for their support, I was notified that I was acting kookoo and desperate.

Funny how having your heart extracted through your [censored] makes you a little kookoo and desperate. I wonder why. LOL Plank.