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BS': What tools do you have at your disposal and which ones have you used?
L.
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You mean other than the MB Program?
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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You mean other than the MB Program? Name what u know and what worked for you. This thread may help others realize they are not without tools. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> L.
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- A bench mounted vise.
- When you need something, clearly state your need for it. Often, when you state a need clearly or ask nicely for help, you get it. Conversely, if you do not let anyone know you have a need, they can not help you fill that void in your life or rectify the situation.
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--A pair of running shoes (running helped me lose weight and gave me time to think and blow off steam)
--An assortment of dumbbells and a weight bench (when it was raining and to build some muscle for my wife to look at)
--This website and forum
--The local Christian bookstore for reading material
--Breathing control to keep from crying most of the time through our conversations/confrontations
--Wordprocessor to help sound out my feelings/conversations to review if I was being unfair or childish. It really saved me going down some stupid paths somedays.
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A table saw, sawzall, skill saw, hammer, drill, screws, nails...
Of course, here.
The local Library!
My kids!
love U, O!
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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Rinderella: A table saw, sawzall, skill saw, hammer, drill, screws, nails... Cinderella- A bench mounted vise. Rin & Cin, It's scary how u 2 picked these kinds of tools. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />fft I like your other suggestions/tools. From my years of posting I have seen BS' come here in a panic and spend valuable time spinning around durint the shock stage not knowing what t/d or feeling totally hopeless. All the while, there were priceless tools all around them. Most of them were not costly. So I am hoping this thread will help some newer ones to learn how to be the most effective. It will be interesting to see what persons and situations causes them to recognize the tools around them and use it to kill the A. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> RE: The A is usually a temporary thing. It may result in a D and the WS may even marry the OP but at some point the A dies. It is vital for the BS to know how they can play a part in minimizing the A into a size that the BS can handle or eliminate it. Violent? No. Eliminating the A is a good thing. Harming people is not. Big difference. L.
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"A table saw, sawzall, skill saw, hammer, drill, screws, nails..." No harm intented...I did use these to remodel my garage...I'm still not finished...part of my self-care, and focusing on my passion of building/working with wood...I demo'ed a wall and made one big room...LMAO This project helped me concentrate on ME and not the devestation in my life! I suggest painting a room, or anything that you love to do, arts and crafts, anything! I have also searched the web for enmeshment, self-help, Orpha's website is wonderful, Dr. Phil has some good stuff, and Amazon.com is where I purchased alot of book...SAA, HNHn, Living with a PA man, Self Matters... You can also get IC for your local pastor... Also, check with your insurance company for IC and MC... Edited to add: Something I did in Plan A...
Last edited by Rinderella; 09/22/06 10:18 AM.
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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The Boundaries book (Clouds and Townsend) and the boundaries course were a huge help for me. With that aid I was finally able to stop blaming myself for my H`s choices. It also helped me to take charge of my life and become responsible for my own well being. It also helped me to become a nicer, more placid person to live with IMHO.
MBer`s had recommended that book to me for a longtime before I finally bought the book. I liked the book so much I signed up for the course. I should have done it sooner.
BS 42
WS 39
WH ONS 04/97 and EA ???-08/00
D-day for both 08/00
-Life is 10% what you make it...90% how you take it-
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Besides this forum which let me know I wasn't going crazy...IC, and the Harley books, I found these books to be helpful: Torn Asunder-David Carder Healing is a Choice-Stephen Arterburn When He Leaves-Kari west and Noelle Quinn Anything by Phillip Yancey but mostly: What's so Amazing About Grace and Where is God When It hurts. (I've had a lot of time to read lately ). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
johnstwin-
"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther
Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!
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Prayer
Music
Internet Reading
Support System
Spouse's Remorse
Exercise
Changing my diet
Vitamins
Cleaning House
Reading
Bible Study
Coaching -- Pastor
Prayer Partners
Working on Myself
Buying a new wardrobe
Taking better care of myself (typical mom taking care of everyone else)
...............
Books:
Power of the Praying Wife
HNHN
Suriving Infidelity
My Husband's Affair
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A notebook full of paper and a pen.
GOALS, short term/long term
WRITE THEM DOWN and refer to them often, so as not to get caught up in the murky mire of the chaos.
Remember, frightening is what you see when you take your eyes off of the goal.
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My children.
pokerstars.com
websudoku.com
stephen king
john grisham
patience
MB of course
Wiffleball, touch football.
The absolute belief that I will be OK no matter where this journey leads me.
A clear goal. A better M. (or no M if FWW doesn't have the same goal)
The NY Yankees who btw clinced.
A good memory and a heart that is willing to forgive.
BS 38
FWW 35
D Day 10/03
Recovery started 11/06
3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby
When life hands you lemons make lemonade then try to find the person life hands vodka and have a party.
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What is an ONS? I am usually pretty good at figuring it out. ONS has me. Tried the list of acronyms but cannot find it?
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BS 38
FWW 35
D Day 10/03
Recovery started 11/06
3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby
When life hands you lemons make lemonade then try to find the person life hands vodka and have a party.
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journaling
most of my really really bad moments came in the middle of the night when everyone else was asleep
journaling is a quiet activity which respects others in the house
but also ... in my journal...
I could YELL & CURSE as loud as I wanted
the rant without the consequences
Pep
Last edited by Pepperband; 09/23/06 08:35 AM.
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this is a good list, thanks
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Personal contact with Dr. Bill Harley The Home Improvement Series with Dr. David Jeremiah from Turning Point Online(Everyone should check this out) My Pastor However, despite the fact that I get the 're'encouragement I need when I feel like throwing in the towel, and all the flip-flopping that happens(only in subtle behavior changes from Stacy), I still wrestle with what seems like the unbreakable wall. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
Everybody Lies.
Gregory House, M.D.
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Look forward to the day when your mind and heart will be in sync. That is the day every WS fears. Their fear will be your strength.
L.
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S-Snon - helped me deal w/ my x's sexual issues. Helped me see that his choices are his choices.
Figuring out that, since God gave us free will, He does not always see his children do what He wants them to do. Therefore, He is often disappointed by the choices we humans make.
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