What is the right way to go about asking your spouse to change jobs? Her job is really affecting our marriage. I made the comment once to her that it seems she’s married to her job. Her devotion, commitment, emotions, feelings of responsibilities, priorities, loyalty all point to her work. I get leftovers. There are some issues with her boss’s personality comments and behavior he has made that when I asked the marriage counselor at our church, he was quite concerned. I then called a local marriage counselor and she said I had reason to be concerned.
She goes overseas on business trips and stays away for almost a month at a time. At home, she spends almost 2 to 3 hours after work making phone calls, checking work email and chatting with friends on the internet. Sometimes, almost until the time she goes to bed. I feel like she becomes a different person when she travels. She will stay out late with her friends sometimes until midnight during the week. When I ask to ge see a movie during the week with her she complains its too late. She defends her boss if I comment on him, and then agrees with her boss when he makes comments about me. Just like on this website, the comment made about exaggerations and being selfish, she does this. When I ask her if possible that she not be on the computer every night or maybe limit her time on the computer until 8:00pm. I let her know it is ok for her to chat with her friends overseas on the computer, but 7 days a week is too much, 2 or 3 times a week is preferably. She makes comments like I don’t want her talking with them at all. When I ask her to please take our relationship in consideration when she is making decisions that will over-commit her even more with her job, emotionally and physically she again exaggerates in this regard. Even when we talk and she agrees that the decision can ultimately be damaging to our relationship, still she continues forward with it. She is unresponsive to the pain and turmoil her behavior causes inside me. It’s like since her decisions cause no pain or difficult for her and she’s fine with her commitment to her job, it’s my problem to deal with not our problem. I even remember her commenting that “we” don’t have any problems and that our relationship is fine. For her it is, she can do however she pleases. Her definition of marriage is only that we trust and support each other.
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