At least in my case.

The EX asked if I could watch the kids an extra day this weekend, she has a "friend" coming into town and this person isnt leaving until Mon. afternoon.....(its my weekend).....but I had already made plans, and I really can't watch them an extra day. Well, I guess my answer of "No, I really can't wasnt good enough......so she called me a "Fu#@ing A$%#hole" and hung up in my face. I was even polite when I told her I couldn't.

By the way.....my EX always asks me for favors on changing dates and times of dropping the kids off and picking them up, and I really never say no.....until this weekend.

*shrugs*

SO,

Sorry you had to endure that.Stinks doesn't it when the exws doesn't get their way? You foiled her little plans.Too bad.

I have so far put up with my ex making the scheduling since it didn't really affect me much and I am not dating yet.But when the schedule is out,it's out and I don't allow him to shuffle the kids around to suit his needs.I make plans too and the kids need to see him.Next month: he is only seeing them only one weekend."Work" obligations you know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I will never be friends with my ex.I can't stand him anymore.

I wouldn't say that is proof that you can't be friends.

It may be proof that you and your x are not communicating effectively and respectfully. If she had asked early enough, your response might have been different.

However, I can safely say that her response to your answer was not respectful.

As much as my x and I have disliked each other through the years, we have both tried to work cooperatively in regards to the children. We have always felt that the divorce was not about them but was about us. (However, let me go on record as saying I am not totally sure that is the accurate truth if my x truly looked at all his issues. I think there was a child-trigger because that child brought up x's inner demons. I do not fault the child.)

Most ex's won't be good friends. Just won't happen...for there is too much baggage and anger. At church today, it was the most inspiring talk a couple presented. They were married 18 years ago. With the fairytale wedding and honeymoon. They divorced after 2 years of marriage. Hating each other and resenting each other. After 11 years of being single, the woman just wasn't happy in her life. She dated and never married. She was a professional business woman...going back to school after the divorce and received her masters and Phd. He went back to school after his divorce and received his masters and was not happy. With teaching full time he decided to get into real estate and golfing and all the other sports. He still wasn't happy. He dated but didn't marry either. One day, the woman said she asked God, which she hadn't done in years...to help her. She wasn't happy, and she gave her life to God. He had her write letters to all that she felt resentment towards. She did but didn't to her husband. She said never....she was so upset with him. Then with prayers she did send the letter. She lived in Calif. and he lived in Florida. He received the letter and was baffled. He reread the letter and decided to call her. They talked and met at a middle point in Colorado. From there the agenda went that they started dating...and did marry. They are now happily married for 5 years and enjoying each other immensely. They both gave their lives totally to God....and God knew what was best for them. Praise the Lord....Blessings.

Thats a wonderful, beautiful story......unfortunately, its about as rare as winning the powerball lottery. LOL

Is it? I think I read somewhere that 13% of couples who divorce eventually remarry each other...

Of course, the other 87% probably don't get on too good...

Alph.

Try saying:
"Thanks for asking me first! But I already made plans to do xyz, I am sorry. How about trying <person>?"

So you are acting like you want to work with them, but just can't, and you are giving them other options.

I am bothered by the term "watch the children." A babysitter watches them - a parent parents them.

I am bothered by the term visitation, I'm my daughters father, not a vistor.

It's parenting time, not visitation.

Hmm. When the father of your kids leaves them for a younger woman to have fun, and refuses to have them for overnights because it costs more $$$, then I am quite happy to call his contact with them 'visitation' and not 'parenting'. My Ex is 100% a Disneyland Dad now, and has completely forgotten what it means to be a real parent.

He buys his 13 year old daughter make up and tight, revealing clothing because she wants it and the OW thinks it looks good. He spends $$$ on taking DD6 to play parks and the movies yet refuses to help me with any bills.

I agree 100% that those people who are separated from their children through no fault of their own still make excellent parents. But if you leave for entirely selfish reasons, for example to live with your affair partner, you prove that your children mean far less to you than the affair.

He actually said that our divorce would be good for our children. This man is not a parent. He's a joke.

Alph.

Alphin,

Sometimes, the person you describe is the custodial parent, and the betrayed spouse has to trust tht CS is used to take care of the child and not for visits to OM.

Personally, I think an affair should be grounds for losing custodial rights, period.

If you are too selfish to work things out with your spouse or leave before you have an affair, then you are probably too selfish to be a good parent.

I don't know what bills you want your ex-husband to help with, and I don't know who filed for divorce. I do believe the stats are true, men usually have an improvement in their standard of living, and women see a drop as the result of a divorce.

I can say that is true for me, and that now that I have free cash, besides saving and investing about 20% of what I make, I have cash to take DD on some pretty fun trips.

Perhaps my ex-wife calls me a Disneyland dad since DD and I went to Disney World last year. However, it was a much cheaper Disney trip than the two that I took with XW when you look at the per-person costs, as well as the total costs.
YD and I are grilling chicken and having crab legs for dinner tonight, all prepared by this "Disneyland Dad" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Personally, I think an affair should be grounds for losing custodial rights, period.

If you are too selfish to work things out with your spouse or leave before you have an affair, then you are probably too selfish to be a good parent.
I think the above statement is a very real look at adultery and what it does to a family. I always hated the statement,"Adultery does not make you a bad parent just a bad wife/husband." I always said a parent who cheats and put their happiness first over the families is a very selfish person. If their willing to put themselves first during the time of an affair then they will continue to make bad choices for themselves and their kids. This is why I believe the cheating spouse should not have custody of the kids till the affair is ended. I know some judges don't look at it this way but if any of them walked our footsteps I bet you their way of thinking would change. JMHO

Yes. The only reason I have custody of our children is because I am their mother, and I stayed at home to bring them up.

In the UK, very little 'blame' is attached to either financial settlements or the custody of the children, especially with regard to infidelity. All is supposedly decided in the best interests of the children.

I do not happen to think that awarding custody to someone who lies and deliberately causes enormous pain to children is in those children's best interest.

I pointed out to my WXH that if he had caused the same amount of emotionl trauma to a child in his school (he and OW are both teachers) as he had to his own flesh and blood he would have been struck off and in jail. But because it is a domestic situation it is OK?


My main problem is that I have a disabling disease and can't work. WXH knew this when he left, so I don't know how he expects me to support myself. The OW thinks I'm faking it to get money out of them. The disease has actually got a lot worse since WXH left (it's aggravated by stress). My standard of living is certainly much lower than it was, but I take pride in making do and making the money go as far as it possibly can. It's a real challenge, but my kids aren't starving! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Yes, their behaviour can be horrible at this time. My WXH began smoking and drinking heavily after he began his A with the OW. They go out all the time and party. He's 10 years older than her, and his new lifestyle is having a very bad effect on his health. He is only 39, but he looks more than 50 now. It is shocking.

For some reason, WXH thinks that a judge will give him joint custody. Even bearing in mind the liberal 'no fault' style of family law courts in this country, WXH is deluding himself utterly!

Alph.