I have been separated from my wife for several months now. DDay was June 5 and she has shown one solitary sign of remorse for her ongoing affair with my former friend. She has moved to his town and their affair continues.

She has told me that she wants me to be part of her "healing process" and that she doesn't want a divorce.

I found out that when she first moved there she had no contact with him for several weeks. Perhaps she attempted to end it but couldn't follow through.

I'm getting to the point where i can't implement a good plan A because i'm feeling so fed up.

Should i take solace in the fact that she doesn't seem to want to lose me?

She's also said that she can't come home and wouldn't come home even if her affair was over. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

She never contacts me which forces me to do all of the communication. I'm afraid that jumping straight into plan B will just finish the marriage off. Our last communications were quite intense and i'm sure i accomplished a few serious LB's. (lots of "i love you" and "we can work it out" blah blah).

Part of me wants to cut my losses and move on to be with a better person. The other part of me loves my wife dearly and wants to recover, however there is no light at the end of this tunnel.

What do i do?

More info, please.

How long have you been married?

Are there children?

Did you do a real plan A including exposure?

Is the OM married?

Have you read the book Surving an Affair?

Have you read the articles on the site?
Sorry you have to be here.

More info, please.

2 years and together for 6 years and friends for many more.


No Children

I exposed to her family. They love me but have taken a very soft position with her hoping that they can love her back to reality. It ain't helping matters. My plan A has been pretty crappy with some backtracking, begging, and ultimatum-ish stuff.

Nope, single and a bit of a loser i might add.

Not yet, having trouble finding a copy.

Absolutely, i've read the articles over and over.


I'm really at a standstill right now. Maybe i should just cut my losses. After months of this nonsense i have yet to receive a kind word from my WW. I know that plan A is partly to negotiate a split from the OM but her feeling is that since she is "no longer in a marriage", she can "heal" however she wants to.

How the heck do you respond to that logic. Firstly, she is in a marriage and secondly, "healing" and affairs rarely coincide one would think.

Is she just holding on until she feels secure enough to divorce? I'm glad she doesn't seem to want to divorce but marriage seems to be meaningless to her anyways.

You are giving up with out giving yourself or your M a chance which later may be something that can give you regrets.

Howz about getting you a plan to move forward with the dignity you need for your personal well-being? That is what plan A is about.

Please go read Surviving an Affair. If you would like to know how to help yourself, read His Need/Her Needs.

Don't give up so easily. This is hard stuff but you can be a survivor. If the interim your W comes to her senses, then if and only IF you want her back can she come back.

Got it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

You can order the book here on the site. Usually Books a Million, etc and most Christian Book stores will have it.

that is very important reading

Magritte,

Don't kid yourself, your WW is acting and talking like almost every other WS on these pages.


Please read the following several times so that you understand it's principles



Hope for Couples in Crisis