No it isn't, it's in yours THTB......

You have concerns, legitimate ones, that you should address. Don't let it go on any longer b/c you continue to wonder and assume and the resentment is going to continue to build as brownhair's story points out.

No good could come from you waiting on him to respond. You reached out, yes, so do so again, b/c I think you've entered the land of "playing games".

Your feelings are your feelings and they are valid. Address them w/ him. TALK to your boyfriend and be specific and let him know that you NEED to talk......

JMHO

Yes brownhair - that DID make me smile.......and I can readily admit that I could possibly be making a mountain out of a molehill here - time will tell...

I appreciate you taking the time to read my saga and post your insight - I really do....

You're welcome, Truly.
Let us know what happens my dear !

OK friends - thought I'd update you on the "situation" I've been having here.

Spoke to BF on Wednesday, I invited him to a neighbor's chili cook-off on Saturday (he knows my neighbors). He did accept, albiet with a "I'll try to come after the football games". Remember, he's a youth football coach, and this year, like last year, the world stands still when it's football season. I respect that, believe it or not, because he is a man who is committed to his interests. Sometimes I think that he might take it to the extreme (after all, it's 13 year old boys, not the NFL) - I never nag or never have had a problem with the time he spends on his football commitment. Enough said.

So, he did come after the game. He was genuinely happy to see me, and I him. There was a little initial ackwardness, but within a few minutes, the conversation flowed. We had a nice time mingling with friends.

We left and I just live across the street from where the party was held. He walked me home, and I invited him in for a nightcap, and asked if we could talk a bit. We did.

I tried sooooo hard not to be accusatory, and I think I succeeded. I did tell him that I felt hurt and discouraged about how we both reacted to the dog crisis - didn't say much more than that.

At first, he seemed surprised - but then as the conversation went on a bit more, he did admit that his best relationship skill is NOT communication - as he's pretty much done what he wants, when he wants, with who he wants, for his entire marriage, and his first relationships after his divorce. He was single for over a year before he met me, so he was the first to admit that sometimes he can be selfish. He also admitted that he doesn't want to be selfish and doesn't do it on purpose - but that at age 49, he's finding it a challenge to think of others feelings ahead of his own.

I also admitted that I'm not the best at communication, and that it's a work in progress for me. I also admitted that I too am used to having things my way - and that since i've been divorced for over 2 1/2 years now, and pretty much have taken care of myself just fine, I find myself feeling sometimes uncomfortable "needing" anything from anyone.

So, we ended with apologies on both sides, and promises to try to be a little bit more attentive. I promised to try not to hold resentments in, and to call him on things as they happen. He said that he needs to be hit on the side of the head with a frying pan sometimes to get his attention - and I promised to accomodate him in the future - LOL!

Where will this go from here? Who knows. It was nice to see him again - and it was nice to get it all out in the open.....whether or not this relationship is "forever" or not, it's been a great growing experience for me - at the very least, I get to spend time with a wonderful person!

Thanks all....
Laura

Hi Laura,

I'm glad to hear you finally got around to "lighten your heart" about this, so to speak.

He may not be Mr Right4U, but if he makes you feel good and helps you communicate.. that's excellent.

It's funny, from how you have described him I wouldn't think he's selfish or putting his own feelings ahead of those from others.
This might simply be a case of clashing EN's / Love Languages.
Like if your top EN would be companionship, like it's with me, I could never have an R (much less a M) with this man, because his EN's are obviously very different.
That doesn't mean he's not a good guy..
Or that I'm needy...
Just different EN's.

Might be interesting to find out about his EN's and yours <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.