So tomorrow is trash day, and I've been throwing things out gradually on Monday nights when XH has DD. Tonight, I decided it was time to go through Mom's purse. It's been sitting on a shelf in my closet for a long time now. So I pulled it out and started unpacking it.

And totally lost it. It just hit me so hard. I was literally doubled over in my kitchen, hurting so much that no matter how hard I sobbed, it didn't go away. I felt like I was a black hole or something. Wave after wave.

I was still crying with XH came back with DD. He asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He actually hugged me and said he was sorry, which made me cry even more. Just then, DD came to me wanting me to pick her up. So I picked her up, and she looked so concerned. She threw her arms around my neck and kept whispering "Mommy, mommy." Then kept kissing me on my face.

He left, telling DD to "be sweet for Mommy, be very sweet for Mommy."

I talked to my friends out in California for a while. It was just the strangest thing. When she was in the hospital, I cried a little. I hardly cried when I found out she died, and even at the funeral I didn't cry much, not even going through her things at her house. But it was just seeing her life, her everyday things strewn out on my kitchen counter... her mints, her change purse, receipts from the few days before she got sick, all the doctor's appointment cards, shopping cards, etc.... that just really hit me like a ton of bricks.

(((((((SG)))))))))))

You've dealt with a ton--so much. I wish I could help make it easier.

Crying is good, though. Getting it out may give you a headah, but sometimes it's just the relese you need.

((((((SG)))))

(((((Shimmygrrrl)))))

I'm sorry I don't know your story,but I do know what it's like to lose your Mom.

Take care. Try to do something nice for yourself.

Thanks, guys. Your support means a lot. I tried calling my neighbor friend, but she had her voicemail on. I just got off the phone with Bro1. He is always good to talk to in times like this. He said it hasn't really hit him yet, either.

I'm so sorry, SG.
I, too, lost my mother. I lost her three years ago and I didn't cry much while she was in hospice or during her memorial service. She was my best friend. In fact, I didn't cry much in three years until d-day. I think the combination of losing my beloved mother and losing my H to OW made the grieving more real. Last night, at my Divorce Care class, I sobbed as I talked about losing my mother. After three years, I have finally been able to let the tears fall over the loss of my dear mother. Stay strong. Your mother would be so proud.
((((shimmygrrrl))))

(((Shimmy)))