Hi old friends. I have been gone for a while but since this weekend is the 3 month anniversary of NC and there are feelings I don't know what to do with I thought I would lean on you guys again.

The last few months have been great and awful all at the same time.

I am positive there has been NC since 7-2-06 and I feel I am entitled to some answers now.
Am I wrong??

Isn't it time to get some answers from my WS???

For those of you who don't know me plan A worked no Plan b needed but we haven't discussed where we have been and where we are going????

Just looking for a pep talk!!!

Blind

Hi, BS06...nice to see you around...have you review the recovery section in SAA...

Have you discussed POJA with FWS? Radical Honesty?

I think that you will find some answers there. I think it would be in your best interest to follow the four rules to recovery.

Can you tell us a little more about where you are? The last time we talked was before the H, and that was beliefly.

hey ryn!

In a nutshell the last 3 moths have been harder than the 1 month he was gone. NC was 7-2-06. The last TM from her to him was "I guess this is your way of ending this"
He never replied.
I guess because it faded and didn't really end I am waiting to come home to the same shock I did last 4-1-06 which was our D day.

We are each more open and honest with each other but the last few weeks I feel he is again wishing his life were different. When I ask he gets quite.

He wasn't a "talker" before his A and I doubt he will be now either.

We have become more intimate with each other is that is even possible after 17 years but I think for the first time in our relationship there are no games. We ask for what we want and try to be open with each other.
I mean not just saying what we think the other one wants to hear but how we really feel.

I guess after you have been betrayed it is hard to let yourself be vunerable again.

As to answere where we are. I guess I have no idea.

I am re reading SAA for the 4th time and I am just having a hard time still focusing on him.

When is it my turn? I am not the one who cheated.

I'd better go...........I feel some BIG DJ's comming on!!

Blind

"When I ask he gets quite."

Honestly, BS...this is throwing up a red flag for me. It could just be about him, I don't know!

What work have you done on you? What kind of example are you setting for him to follow? Do you feel that you have created a safe environment for him and yourself?

What about MC/IC?

I think more information is needed to be of any assistance, IMHO. Perhaps someone else will have something...

off subject but how did you add a link to your sig line?
I have been searching on how I can take my old post and attach it but my hair color is standing in my way.

can you e mail me with directions???

Blind

go to my home, edit personal info.

don't mean to be a pain in the a** but how do I get a link to my old post in there??

keep in mind I am technically challenged.

Blind

I just sent it to your email!

I have done so much work on myself I can't really understand how our relationship went on the way it was for so long.

I had already decided that if this relationship didn't work out I would at the very least be much more prepared from the start to understand what I need from some one else and how to verbalize it.

Now I feel we have started to get comfortable again.

Do I insist he read HNHN? I just don't want to BE together I want us to really get emotionally what we need from each other.

I want us to grow together and learn from each other and all of those great things I read about here.

But even after his affair. And reading all of Harley's books I am not sure how to start the rebuilding?

any thoughts???

Blind

Hi, I've got awhole lot going right now...I'm doing well to think clearly...I'm sorry B...I don't feel that my advice would be all that helpful right now.

I'm far from recovery now!

(((((((BS06)))))))

Welcome back,

Thought I told you awhile back to get HNHN on CD audio version and listen to it TOGETHER on a roadtrip when you've got him trapped in a car unable to escape and nothing else to do. You can pause and talk at will and it covers much of SAA issues AND moving forward meeting emotional needs.

Also, Josephs letter can be found as a thread by Pepperband, I think, on the first page of the JustFoundOut Infidelity board. Modify it as you see fit but it's a request for information about your life that you can give to WS to explain WHY you need the information and WHY he should give it to you.

Recovery takes time. If your man is a conflict avoider and quiet it may take even longer to get him to open up. He may never and at some point a loveless, non-intimate relationship must end up not being good enough for YOU. YOU matter. Your only 4 months in though and your taker may be jumping up a bit. Which is very normal.

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

Blindsided:

Follow MrWonderings advice, he's got alot of good advice.

Josephs Letter and HNHN can get your partner to open up. You have to be able, however, to make it safe for him to say what he needs to say. Most men go quiet when they feel that anything they say will get them into trouble. A man in an A is going to get in trouble every time he opens his mouth. But, understand that some, or alot of it will be FOG talk. But in some of the conversations, if allowed to be spoken in a non DJ enviornment, will be indicators of what is wrong on the relationship.

If your H refuses to respond to the techniques that MB provides, such a Plan A and B, HNHN and SAA, and you have put in the effort to become a better person, than you may have to leave him by the side of the road.

Thanks for the advice.
His A is definately over. No question about it. I guess once again I am looking for info when it may be too soon. I will order the audi book tonight and use it asap.

I know I am only 4 months into this drama but I do know I have done well so far.

The A is over. The fog is long gone and the man I love has returned to me heart and soul.

I am just looking to learn more and mold my relationship into what I know in my heart it can be.

Thanks for the info.

Blind