Our D-day was 22nd July 2004. The affair was at its height on that day. Squid was a very nasty WW. We had a complicated recovery time with my MIL hanging on to life despite bing riddled with cancer for 18 months after d-day, my suicide attempt and all kinds of rubbish best forgotten now.
Some of you may have seen my
BS TOOLKIT which described our early experiences and recovery.
I haven't posted much the past year but I wanted to post an update that may give people some hope for their own situations.
It was our 20th wedding Anniversary last weekend. we are recovered enough that I arranged a romantic weekend in Madrid for Squid and I.
I don't mean to wax too lyrical here but it was a truly lovely weekend. I saw contained in a capsule everything I have fought for and worried over. Our shared history is inescapable, and it was a privelege and a pleasure to review most of the last 20 years anecdotes between us , especially in such a warm, wonderful and romantic setting. We have filled each others lives for so long, that we are both delighted to have this opportunity to share more adventures for the NEXT 20 years, God willing.
I arranged for some orchids and a bottle of fizz to be in the room when we arrived, and Squid was swept off her feet !
We walked and walked on Friday, when we arrived, right along to the Plaza Mayor, a famous old square, and had a drink watching the Madrilenos get on with their life ! Artists , musicians and shysters all abound in the Plaza Major, and Squid squealed with delight at what we saw - just like a schoolgirl !
We ate tapas and sipped Fino Jerez and set off to walk again - this time to the parque del Buen Retiro - a famous and beautiful green oasis in central Madrid. We strolled arm in arm soaking up the warmth and the history and giggling.
We decided to go back to the hotel to freshen up before going out for dinner. We ended up needing TWO showers * ahem *
Our room in the hotel ( Westin Palace Madrid) was just lovely - I stay in some cool cribs with my job, but nothing like this ! Squid and me were on the bed after we made love, and were wearing the huge squidgy bath robes from the dressing room. Squid asked "whats your favourite thing in this hotel ? Mine is the lovely glass dome over the restaurant".
I replied " That you love me ; the hotel could be anywhere as long as you love me". She teared up and clung to me a while.
We went out at nine-ish and joined the massed ranks of lovers of all ages strolling arm in arm around the pretty green spaces of Madrid. We watched a wedding at the Monastere de Jeronimos - an ancient old building in perfect condition and we prayed them joy and strength. Not a single drifting thought of the affair polluted our thoughts. Not one, honestly.
We were pooped so we ate Calamari & Anchovy tapas for dinner with sherry and were in bed by eleven. The bed was HEAVENLY and we slept dead til she woke me up at nine thirty ( I didn't mind !! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ) on Saturday morning.
We had the luxury of an unhurried and hearty breakfast unecumbered by kids moaning about boredom or the menu. Lovely ! And that restaurant was really something else.
We put on our "hot weather exploring" duds and wandered off on a hand-holding tour of Madrid - Squid buying a Peruvian wall hanging for our dining room at home from a market in Plaza De Espania. Visited the Temple of Debod - a gift from the Egyptians when the Spanish helped move Abu Simbel from the flood of the Aswan dam.
Then Squid "ooh"ed and "ah"ed like a kid as she saw the Palacio Real appear in front of us !! Buckingham palace in the UK is pretty crappy as palaces go, but THIS one was the full-on fairytale ! We were really impressed by our tour - visiting the throne room, as well as the historic armoury !. Squid took photos like a teen in a shampoo advertisement !
We found a magnificent place to rest our feet and get a drink in La Casa de Pimientos - "The pepper house" - is a quaintly tumbledown part of Old Madrid. The speciality - roasted peppers in salt, olive oil and garlic were DELICIOUS if stinky ! At least we both ate them so we didnt stink to the other one ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Back to the hotel to freshen up for our posh dinner that evening ( and more lovely prolonged, needful sex of course ! * ahem * ) . We lay on the bed watching a TERRIBLE movie - American Dreamz ( Squid likes Hugh Grant but even she admitted it reeked) then got our dancing togs on.
Before we left for our weekend, Squid shopped for a new dress when she heard it was a REAL posh hotel and restaurant and it was a BRAVE choice she made for her ! Sheer silk print in red with black rose silhouettes on it, that showed off her lovely figure to perfection. She has not been confident enough to dress that way for a LONG time, and it was a delight to see her swish around in this gorgeous creation ! We danced in our room for a while to Stevie Wonder on the room radio.
She gave me my anniversary gift - a Raymond Weil watch that she must have saved for a year to afford ! We went to eat.
The restaurant was truly lovely: circular with us all sat under a huge glass done on doric columns frescoed to show scenes of the acts of the apostles. Our meal was lovely, almost reverential, I was so full of love for my baby I could barely stop myself laughing or crying. The meal and the wine were lovely, but we could have been eating KFC, as we were only focussed on each other.
The Maitre'd called us up to the dancefloor and the string ensemble started playing Squids' choice : " when you say nothing at all" and we danced alone under the dome.
When the music stopped the other diners applauded, but we still held and danced, not wanting that moment to end.
"I love you baby - I never stopped loving you -I am humbled by your love for me" Squid whispered to me.
I teared up and went to the bathroom to clean up.
Came back to some cheese and sherry and a beaming Squid ! Yum !! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
We finished off the last of the second bottle of Marques de Murrieta 2001 "Ygay" Rioja and alighted to join Madrid's lovers once again out in the park. There was an orchestra playing in the park ( it was "la noche blanco" - a big cultural evening in Madrid) and we reeled around the fountain laughing ! Further on a Dixieland jazz band added a seal to the evening. We went to bed very happy.
After a wonderful sleep in we had a lazy lie in then breakfast on the terrace overlooking the Plaza De Cibeles in the sunshine. We kissed, packed and walked around the lazy city centre to look for gifts for our kids. We strolled hand in hand, giggling; taking dumb posed photos. Just lovely.....
We sadly bade farewell to Magical Madrid and left for the airport. We found a great seat in the Iberia club lounge and Squid indulged one of her passions - watching planes take off and land !
A lot of what we said and did are far too intimate to recount. Just know that we know how we feel about each other now. I realised that I have felt appreciated by Squid because of my efforts in recovery , but possibly not loved FOR MYSELF. I learned that Squid truly loves me for myself.
I do not write this as a travelogue: I wrote it to show readers how far Squid and I have come from a very unpleasant affair. I was broken: suicidal, Squid's entitlement and vindictiveness knew no bounds.
Yet I doubt there has ever been a happier couple as we were last weekend, and it did not end when we returned home. We were not temporarily deludedly happy for the sake of our anniversary: our weekend was a manifestation of how far we have come.
YES we both still hurt sometimes, but I can say, at last, that we are now reunited as man and wife. No man has torn us asunder. we have some way to go to be fully healed, but we ar ehappier than we ever thought we could be again.
Please take heart. This success is not rare.
All blessings
