My husband had a 6 week affair with a coworker this summer. Although he has had no contact with her for the last 6 weeks, I told him that I felt very hurt b/c when he broke things off with her 2 days after DDay (it took 2 days b/c he said it was harder than he thought it would be). He went to her house b/c he thought he was ‘in love’ and he wanted to see her one last time and breaking up with her in person was the ‘right thing to do’. When he broke up with her he hugged and kissed her and told her ‘I love you, but I have to be with my family’. This hurt me very much b/c he did not tell her he loved me or anything and I feel he probably made her think that he really loved her and was obligated to be with me. I especially feel this way b/c she tried to contact him 2 days later. Luckily I was there when she called or who knows how it would have turned out. The OW is from El Salvador and English is her second (and not very strong) language, so I’m worried she may misinterpret some things in the letter. These are his words and how he feels, so I don’t want to edit it too much but I wanted to make sure it would be clear to her. Please read the rough draft of his letter and give suggestions as needed. Thanks so much for your help.

Dear OW,

I am writing this letter to end our relationship properly and to make certain that there are no assumptions or any confusion on anyone’s part.

Let me start by saying I love my wife dearly. What I did to her and my family is unforgivable. I regret our affair every moment of every day. It will take a lifetime to try and repair the damage I have caused. Because of my love for my wife and family, to this task, I am totally committed.

What I started and shared with you was a mistake. What I mistook for love for you was nothing more than an unrealistic fantasy. It was this fantasy I was in love with and not you.

Having had time to think about the wrongs and hurt that I have done to my wife saddens me deeply. The guilt of what I have done to my family is at times unbearable.

Thinking back over our conversations, I realize that I was to blame for many of the hardships in my marriage. The problems that I thought were caused by my wife’s uncaring ways and words were based upon my own negative thoughts about myself, my wife, and the world. She has been by my side through some very low points in my life, in many instances carrying me to better times. By having this affair with you I failed my marriage and abandoned my wife and children. For this act of deception and betrayal I can only hope that the love that my wife and I share can again get us to better days.

I would appreciate that from this moment forward there is to be no contact between us whatsoever again.

FWH

First two paragraphs are all this needs to have.

The ending needs to have very direct and clear words.

Please do not contact me again.

Okay. I'll have him strip it down to the bare minimum. Thank you so much for your feedback.

I say remove this:


...and send it like that. The parts I removed aren't needed. Without it, it's simple and to the point. Maybe spell out in the paragraph that means NO contact...no emails, calls, etc.. Tell her that you're now sharing EVERYTHING with your wife to ensure that there are no 'mistakes'. And that even a 'friendship' type relationship is completely out of the question.