My divorce has been final since March; we separated in November 2005. HIS request for the divorce, his infidelity that prompted the separation. We were able to amicably divide property (and debts! Oh the debts....), as well as agree on custody of our two kids.

I mention that I would like to introduce him to my boyfriend, a man I've been dating a while and intend to introduce to the children soon. Suddenly, he wants me back. Texting me about how beautiful I am, asking me if he can come over (!!!), ALL while knowing I have a boyfriend and that I think cheating is awful.

Oh, and he has a girlfriend (a different girl than the first OR second one, naturally) right now, too.

I've made it clear I have no intention of getting back together with him. I have no idea what else to do, but he is making me uncomfortable when I am around him. He stands too close, he makes excuses to touch my arm. I allow him open access to the kids, but lately, that practice has put me around him far more than I would like. What can I do? Will he ever get used to the idea that I've moved on?

Hi lulu7,

Welcome to MB.

I think since you have established that you do not want to get back together with your ex,you have to be specific,firm and keep those boundaries with him.And how do you keep those boundaries? Consequences.

If your ex stands too close or touches you when you exchange kids,tell him **the next time you will not exchange the kids the same way so he can't have access to you.

Make it clear and stick to those consequences.You have to show him you mean business.Tell him that you do not appreciate the texting now,you are involved with someone else you care about and to stop.If he doesn't, tell him you will not tolerate it.You can immediately delete any message from him,change your number,whatever you feel you need to do.

Just like children,you have to express what behavior you feel is inappropriate,don't give second,third,fourth chances to stop the behavior and have a plan in place/consequences ( "punishment") if he keeps bothering you.

If you keep firm about how you feel and don't allow him to manipulate you,he should get tired of trying.

Good Luck

He doesn't want YOU back -- he wants to be reassured that what used to be available to him is not now "off limits".

That isn't true, of course. Just as he has moved on, so have you -- to someone you feel ready to introduce to your children.

Your ex is having a hard time adapting to the changes in his life. It's nothing personal, you shouldn't feel bad about not wanting him anymore, and just take whatever he does or says with a grain of salt.

It's his ego, not his heart, that is at work here.