piojitos, I understand that is your opinion, but if I received that letter I would not view it that way and I have been a hiring manager for 2 Fortune 500 companies. Sorry.

Karanba, on second thought, you probably should change that sentence given piojito's reaction to it. If he has that reaction, then someone at your H's company might have the same reaction. Instead use this sentence:


" I would like to know what you intend to do about this."

This shows clearly that you have an expectation that something WILL be done about it.

The problem I see with this is that "take this further" is too vague. Sad as it is, in today's climate, "take this further" might be writing a letter to the next person up the chain or storming the lobby with an AK-47. People can't afford to give anyone the benefit of the doubt anymore -- look at what's going on in schools all over the country.

Maybe change that to something like: "I would like to know what you intend to do about this or I would like to know who in your organization has the authority to act on this matter."

That doesn't sound quite right. Maybe Melody can wordsmith it to something specific (so people aren't taking out restraining orders against you).

Mys

I took the liberty of rewriting your letter for you. If I made any typos, spelling or grammar errors, I'm sure someone will point those out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

"Dear Mr (Boss' name):

I am (my name), (WH`s name)`s wife, and we met at XXX a couple of years ago.

My husband has been involved in an adulterous affair with his co-worker, Ms. Xxxxxxxxx, at xxx office (Direct No. 123-456-789), which resulted in his leaving our home a couple of months ago. This affair has affected our family dramatically, and I am asking you to help me save our marriage and family.

I am sure that (Company`s name) may have policies against inappropriate relationships in the workplace and may take disciplinary action as most companies do. Adulterous affairs between co-workers are not good for the company in many ways, especially if company resources are involved.

Although my husband may deny having the affair with Ms. OW, I have positive proof that they are having an affair.

My husband is very proud of his job and is a hard worker. Although this affair seems to have affected his behavior in so many negative ways, I still love my husband and believe that, with your help in ending this affair, he can return to the man he once was.

My expectation from (Company`s name) is that my husband and Ms. OW will no longer work together or have any need for contact on company premises or via company resources. I need to know what actions you are going to take toward putting an end to this affair.

I will appreciate your response in regard to this affair as soon as possible, as I consider this matter to be urgent. Please call me at 987-654-3210.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Karamba"

Now, I left out the "threat", because I think you need to cc EVERYBODY in the company who has any influence. I would cc the Director of Human Resources, the boss' immediate superior, the head of the Media Relations department (if any), the VP in charge of whatever your H does for the company, the President of the company, and the CEO. Send this out to ALL of them, and on 2nd thought, include YOUR ATTORNEY in the cc. On the letter to your H's boss, I'd just put "blind cc:" at the bottom of the letter. That way, he'll have absolutely NO IDEA who all you've contacted (at least, until they ask him what he's doing ), so he will just about HAVE to do SOMETHING to put a stop to the affair (to protect his own backside <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ). It will also pre-empt any effort to paint you as a crazy, jealous woman to the higher-ups.

I've written many complaint letters over the years, and the most effective ones were the ones that I cc'd to EVERYBODY possible. After my last complaint letter, I got all kinds of free stuff from the company as an apology! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Oh...and BE SURE to send an exposure letter to the OW's family at the same time. Having to deal with work AND family should keep her awfully busy for a while. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Dear piojitos, Orchid, MelodyLane, myschae, and Lady Clueless

Thank you all so so so much. I have been feeling so lonely since WH`s thing happened. Fortunately, I found this site and learned a lot and got lots of advices to direct me how I can face to this situation and I am still learning a lot from everybody.
I was having a hard time to stop crying last night because of you all respond to me very honestly and discuss for me. Now I can feel I am not alone. I have never cried so much last three months, and my counselor also try to figure out why I cannot cry (Maybe she knows why already, but she wants me try to figure out by myself).

As I said before, I am not a native English speaker that is why I have no confidence to write a formal/business letter. I know the letter to WH`s boss is not professional. That`s the reason I am here now. I think I still have a lot of homework to deal with situation and to face to my true feeling.
LC, thank your for re-writing the letter. I like your letter much better. I saved the letter and will do some more homework. Thanks again.

To be very very honest with you all, I do not want to hurt my husband. If he is happy with OW, why do I need to keep him to be with me??? But on the other hand, I do not want to lose him. I love him so much.

As Orchid mentioned,
Realize this wil upset the WS and could cost him his job. If you are still ok with it, move forward. If not, find another way to expose. You have to be willing to accept the risks.

I have to ask myself if I am still ok with this. Am I willing to accept the risks? Am I ready? Am I strong enough to do this by myself? I am so confused. [color:"black"] [/color]

Karanba,

We don't want you to be confused. We want you to be supported and empowered to what you need to do for you.

As for the letter, stick to the spirit which you intended. Make the changes as needed to give it character and strength. Don't be afraid to call it for what it is and let the reader know you want to respect their position so you are taking a chance by notifying them because at this time, you feel they are a person of integrity. This may bring them more on your side since their reputation now rests on how they handle this situation.

Most managers will want to sweep this under the rug. Smart managers will want to deal with it swiftly. I would include something like that in the letter.

ex: Mr. ___________, thank you for taking the time to read this. I realize it is hard for you read this almost as much as it is hard for me to write it. It is not my desire to see anyone hurt but the pain inflicted on our family has been intense. While some managers would prefer to sweep this type of issue under the rug, the manager with true integrity will deal with this in a fair and swift manner.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
Karanba

Just a quick note for updating my situation, since I am in a hurry right now. I will post longer version later.

I am still doing my home work everybody gave me.

Two days ago, I found out where my WH lives through his e-mail, that place is only two blocks away from OW. Both WH and OW have roommates. OW lives with two friends and WH sheres with two other guys. What is the situation??? Is that excuse to say "we are just friends"?

I called HR yesterday. A guy said that the company has no policies against office affair. He actually said that is two adults` matter and the company don`t care about employees personal matter and I was advised to talk to my husband..... That`s it. I feel like what I am trying to do is just making noise to the company. But I am still re-writing a letter for hope.

Given that information from HR, I definitely would not make any threats. What you want to do is get someone on your side and get them to take an action beyond what the company policy indicates. I agree - write the letter. No company likes problems or scandals.

I had a friend working in Singapore. He had a girlfriend who he treated very badly. I can't remember who dumped who but she ended up getting very angry and packing up all his belongings and delivered them personally to his office, made a big scene, got management all out to the reception and dumped the stuff on the floor. The company had not policy against the guy having a girlfriend so he really hadn't done anything wrong. He got transferred to Beijing the following week.

I want to tell what I want to do now, but a part of my moral sense stops me to do it.

My WH still keeps most of his belongings in our home where I am living alone now (that is my another question why he does not take everything with him if he does not try to save our marriage?) and whenever he needs something, he will visit here to pick up. I really can not stand the way he is doing now. What I am thinking is to pack all of his belongings and send them to his office(will be more than 10 boxes). BUT, I will write his name and OW`s name out side of those boxes with big note and then everybody will see what is going on. That is my dream now, but is that explosion? I think that is a kind of LB and I will lose him forever. If I am ready to get a D, I will do so. And I really feel like to do so sometimes.
Am I evil? Of course, Yes. Am I functioning normally? Of course, No. I think I am a crazy woman right now.

I need to be very honest here, otherwise I will be out of control. Thank you for reading.

I can't say why he keeps his things at your house other than it gives him a legitimate excuse to spy on you. it is a form of control.

As far as sending everything to his office, I would personally do that and not feel any guilt. I would send it along with a registered letter explaining I was taking this action because he had abandoned me for Ms.X and refused to give a forwarding address so this was my only alternative.

I would also get other opinions because I think maybe I push the edge of the envelope a bit. If I were in your position, I would definitely get WH's things out of my house.

You said English is not your native language, if you don't mind, can I ask what is your native language? I am just wondering if maybe someone could not post to you in your native tongue. I think that helps you feel less alone.