b3d, don't go into Plan B until you can completely cut off contact off with him. You can't be having him in your house every day and very well acheive no contact.

You could make arrangements for him to pick up the kids and babysit them at his place, though, via your vistation schedule. OR have him pay for the baby sitter. But you have to carefully plan this all out before you go into Plan B. For example, when you go into Plan B, attach a visitation schedule to your letter and tell him to pick up the kids as usual, but to please let them off at the door and honk when he arrives in order to respect your request for no contact.

I would also suggest designating an intermediary that can act as a SPAM filter for any CRITICAL communications.

Also, is he still paying his share of the bills?

whoops! I just remembered he is living with the OW, so he can't take the kids over there. In that case, I would just have him pay for the extra babysitting time and stick to a regular visitation schedule.

You don't allow him to take your kids around the OW, do you?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> No way!
Tell me, why does it matter if he's here at the house when I'm not here? I want him to see it looking good, see that I'm coping without him. I want him to see what he's missing. He has nowhere else to take them. I guess I could get by without him watching them while I'm at work, I thought it was the best of both worlds- more $ for me, and the kids get to see him somewhere where he can play with them, make them dinner, put them to bed, etc. Bad? Why?
He is paying child support and spousal support, just not *enough* to cover all the bills. My schedule allows me to be home after school, and he will be taking the kids out on Saturday mornings. I will drop them off at an 'intermediary' of sorts- my sitter's work, and he will pick them up there and drop them back there. The only time I will see him is if I get home after he does on the weeknight- I could honk when I got home and wait for him to leave via the other door?
Tomorrow night he will pick up from here when the sitter leaves, take them for dinner (OW will be at work), then drop them off when I get home, or if it is later, put them to bed and watch TV, I suppose.
I guess I'm just not 'getting' it, huh? I really want to have as little contact as possible, but I have a 2yo. Should he just drop the kids off and let them come inside alone?
Oh, BTW, this would only be Saturday mornings, and one weeknight, not every day. Neither one of our schedules allows for a set schedule at all. Really. I swear. I'm using GoogleCalendar to share my schedule with him, and he is doing the same, so that we can communicate via a third party (his Mom for now, but may change to a close friend here). I just want what's best for the kids right now, and 2 hours in 3 weeks is not OK with me.

b3d, you can do whatever you want. But I just telling you that Plan B is complete seperation. It is supposed to emulate divorce in order for it to be effective. Plan B is supposed to ptotect you from his destructive behavior and effect a WITHDRAWAL from him. That doesn't happen if you are seeing him all the time and he is coming in the house. Plan B means COMPLETE seperation, not partial.

Like MelodyLane said, get ALL of your ducks in a row before going completely silent.

The purpose of Plan B is to emulate divorce and all of it's trappings. Your WH being in the house having fun with the kids does not give him a full picture. Do not help him find his way. He will have to find a way to spend time with the kids. Also, remember, if he does not show interest in the children, you cannot place it there. I'm not saying to make his life harder, I'm saying to emulate divorce. Think about what divorce would look like, even though it is the farthest thing from your goal, think about it, and apply it here and now. Heal thyself; look into you and comfort yourself, move forward, slowly. This is also a time for you.

Like I said, get everything together, then go into Plan B. Keep us updated. Breath