Wow, is there any greater rollercoaster of emotions? I didn't know there was this much high and low available.

I travel about 50% with my job, and was packing up to leave on a flight the last Sunday night in August when I noticed my wife shut down the computer screen when I walked by the doorway. I didn't really think much of it until Wednesday the 30th (D-Day) when I'd returned. I was having lunch by myself at home, just watching the news, when something (GOD?) made me get up and go looking around.
It took all of about 2 minutes to find an email that had been sent, but not deleted from the "deleted" folder. It was from the day before, when I was still out of town. It was sent to another member of our church, married with 2 kids, said "they'd spent way too much time eating the day before and only left a little time for showing love with hands, lips, and other body parts"...yadda, yadda, yadda.
Well, there I was losing my mind. I sent the email to my account, went and forwarded it to the OP with a "what the he%$" attached. I sent it to our pastor as well, saying we'll be at his office at some point. I called my WS's cell and confronted her. Silence, and then her tone said it all. She got home, I yelled for 5 minutes, then we went directly to the pastor. I think I did all of this while in a state of shock.

Turns out they'd kinda flirted on a youth mission trip earlier this summer. Sent a couple of emails to each other, then went to lunch. They kissed after that first lunch. A week and a half later they had lunch/drinks and the tops came off. My WS told OP "I love you" at the end of July. She said that from that point on, if they had the opportunity, they'd have had intercourse...but in the car didn't fit with the "romantic" ideal they'd created.
Even during a few trips that she came with me, and EVERY day and evening in Jul/Aug, there were an amazing amount of phone calls; usually about 7 per day. There were emails almost daily and they also instant messaged...somehow the OP kept his job?!?!
I was absolutely clueless, we still laughed, played, loved like always, but looking back, I could see a change in my wife's eyes - they'd turned to "shark eyes", kinda lifeless. Also, the clues were everywhere! Cellphone records, emails, Instant Messanger info, jeez.
We've always attended church, bible studies, etc...she always seemed the more convicted of us. And it turns out that church activities is where the A began. They'd met about 6 times to make out while I was out of town, in between all of the romantic fixes that technology was providing.
Two days after D-Day, I looked up a detailed Internet history on her computer - they'd planned to get a hotel room during lunch - two blocks from my kid's school, 6 blocks from the house, and 2 blocks from where I'd be entertaining clients for lunch. All of this contact was very indicative of an obsession and addiction.

She claims to be repulsed by the decision she'd made this summer. Some interesting statements she made about the whole affair:
- "It just never seemed wrong! Me, who is the biggest rule follower in the world"!
- "Once I started, I felt God had abandoned me to the pit, so why stop now".
- "Looking back, I've never been in as dark and lonely a place, completly separated from my husband, kids, friends, God, family, and everything I held dear my whole life"
- "Everything that was wrong seemed so right, and the right seemed so wrong"
- "There was never a time I thought to tell you...I didn't think anyone would ever find out, and it wouldn't hurt anything"
- "It started as just a little fun, temporary thing"

She has taken full responsibility, asked profusely for forgiveness, and is doing everything a person can do to try and patch her life, and our marriage together. She seems to be SO much better so fast, it is kind of scary. She's upheld the NC agreement, very open about her activities, calls and emails me often with the right words.
Now I have to figure out how to get my life back together. The images, movies, pain, betrayal, disrespect, etc that I feel is eating me up. She'd lost about 20 lbs this summer, now I've almost done the same! We're both seeing a Christian counselor.
I'll be moving to the Recovery Forum now...

The old adage that "time heals all wounds" is crap.

Time doesn't heal anything.... doing the work, and setting your heart right with God does. It can take 50 years, or it can take 5 days. It is really up to us how willing we are to get into that right attitude and let Him heal us.

It sure sounds like your W has learned a lesson from her experience, and that God has saved you from what could have become a terrible ride indeed. Not to minimize that it has hurt you, for sure.... but she sure does have the right words.... it is obvious that she "gets it".



May God bless you and your family richly as you go forth from this injury to your marriage. May His balm and His healing be completed quickly for you. I am confident that you know of His matchless grace, and that He can bring restoration to you, even though you have been severely hurt by your wife's selfish and sinful actions.

gottago - Welcome to MB, though it is sad to see yet another join our "illustrious ranks."

It's good that you are both seeing a Christian counselor, one that is trained in biblical based marriage counseling I hope.

So, would you like to talk about recovery for Christians, or just the MB methods? How can we be of help to you?





Okay, you may not like this next part so much, but what you are going through is, unfortunately, very normal for a Betrayed Spouse. I can't offer you "immediate help," but I can assure you that over time and with committed effort by both of you to recover your marriage, they will fade and the intensity won't be nearly as strong.

So let's talk, if you'd like to, about biblical forgiveness and how it impacts your recovery and those "nasty thoughts and images." Are you aware of the threefold promise that you, as the Betrayed Spouse, make when you say "I forgive you?" If not, that's a good starting point.

God bless.

I am so sorry for you. I hope you contacted the OM's wife. This is absolutely essential. In addition, you both must be tested for STD's. These are the consequences of affairs.