I'm really baffled as to why people feel they have to lie. My SO has lied on a few occassions (probably more, but I didn't catch him). He says these lies were just misleading information.<P>If you read my thread entitled "Glutton for Punishment" I was upset that I called and he didn't answer his phone and the answering machine wasn't on. <P>I was very upset and angry and vowed I was moving on. Well, he kept calling me at work (I didn't answer, left the answering machine on) and he finally left a message that he didn't know why I was avoiding him and that he had gone to the ER with severe stomach cramps and he wasn't sure why the answering machine didn't pick up. He said he had tried calling me right back after I did talk to him and he said he'd call back, but he said he left a message on my machine when I didn't answer. I didn't get a message so he said he must have gotten a wrong number.<P>I felt badly that he had to go to the hospital and we got together to run and I was concerned for his health. I finally called the hospital to put my fears to rest and they didn't have him registered and that meant he wasn't there. I asked him if I could see his discharge paperwork and he said he'd give them to me, but they were at work with the lady who handles their medical bills. He said he didn't know why the hospital didn't have him on their computer.<P>He told me yesterday that he has the paperwork for me, but I haven't seen him yet to see it.<P>I have a feeling he will finally confess that he lied. Why would he lie? He could have told me he didn't feel like talking and we could have each hung up and gone to sleep without the suspicions and heart ache. How do I know if he was talking to someone on the other line and not answering or if he just turned the ringer/answering machine off?<P>Some of his lies were really nothing to get upset about, so I don't know why he'd lie. I just don't understand it.<P>God Bless.<P>------------------<BR>Carpe Diem<BR>~~ Lady K ~~<P><BR>

LadyK<BR>They lie to protect themselves. Sometimes they lie because they think they are protecting your feelings. Sometimes they lie because it has become such a habit.<BR>unfortunately it is up to us to get them out of that habit. This is not an easy task.<BR>first of all we need to make it safe for them to tell the truth. That means that no matter how bad the truth is we need to accept it calmly.<BR>We need to encourage the truth. Concentrate on how wonderful truth is. Does that make sense? We need to make a big deal out of every truth we get. Let them know how wonderful it is to hear. Positive reinforcement for what we want to achieve.<BR>This is absolutely the toughest part of it for me. <BR>No truth can be as damaging as a lie. This is something that takes time for them to understand. Lies interfere with intimacy.

Some times I find myself pondering the "little lies" not the grnad I am not seeing anyone else lie but the ones like I'll be staying at this location tonight. But when you call there for any reason the person on the phone says I haven't seen or heard from them. Maybe plans change? Maybe they had no way? Maybe they lied? Once that first barrier is broke it seems so easy to break again.

<BR>wasstubborn, I understand what you're saying, but I feel like I've been coddling him for so long. What about me? He's 35 years old and should know better. He expects ME to be honest and open. Why should I lead him to believe it's okay to lie? If he does end up confessing to this lie I will be needing some time away from him. A friend of mine said recently that I can't find Mr. Right with mr. Wrong hanging around. That is so very true. I don't think I could handle another lie. I really, really hope he has paperwork from the hospital because I want to believe in him and I want to be married to him.<P><P>------------------<BR>Carpe Diem<BR>~~ Lady K ~~<P><BR>