3 days ago. Sunday night. talked for 35 minutes while he was driving back from a football game - HE called HER.

I showed WH the cell phone this morning with the call details and then just left for work. Told WH i was done.

VM left at work by WH literally made me laugh...he is sorry, NOW he WILL block her # from his phone - and his excuse - he called b/c he was bored. HE CALLED B/C he was BORED?!?!?! WTF??? That's the best excuse he can come up with??
i have a txt message ready to go to OW and i really really want to send it...basically tells her she can have WH because i am DONE. Is this in the heat of the moment? Yes, but i am SO tired of this - i truly want out OUT of this.

Thought about Plan B - but what the ****** is that going to do for me? Look at my signature, WH has done this before and will do it again...i think all plan B will do is cause WH to tell me what i want to hear.
i dont want to live with someone like this! I am sick and tired of looking over my shoulder wondering when he will do this again! And he will do it again, won't he? its inevitable. Serial cheater. Liar. [censored]!!! ARGH!!!

I want to send the txt to OW because i mean what i say in it, let her have him - let someone else deal with the BS from him~ it could be my best revenge.

Ack. Feels good to get all that out.

Ok. Your choice. You are finished with your WH, you say.

I don't get the point of disrespecting yourself by contacting the OW.

You want to insure that your M is over by handing him over to her?

You want to have her laughing and celebrating tonight about this?

I just don't understand what GOOD this will do.

The FOW in my case could never figure me out because I would not stoop to her gutter level. I didn't want to have a thing to do with her.

This is between YOU and your WH....




This is your opinion about PLAN B..based on what? It was the KEY to the RECOVERY of my marriage...



You can let her have him without sending her a text message...and sharing any of yourself with her...

{{{MPELE}}}}

I am sorry that your WH is such a #$%)()#%)@ I sometimes wonder if they are really fogged out or if we are just really seeing who they are when times are tough and stress levels are high. They say they want a family, marriage, wife, children, two car garage, soccer games, picnics, church, etc but do they really want to run around acting like a hormonally driven teenager in heat (this includes WW's too)? I sometimes wonder.

In any case I am sorry for the new development. You are doing well be venting here before taking any further action. You are well within your rights to D him if you choose to. The neat thing at this point is that you are in control and you decide when its over not him. Hang in there!

YOU KNOW what you need to do next!

YOU said Plan B, are you ready for that?


((((((((((MPELE)))))))))))

I'm so sorry that you are going through this! My heart goes out to YOU!

oh, Mimi - thank you. Needed to take it down a notch after this morning's discovery. You are right, i will not contact OW - i am so much better than that trash.

So tell me about Plan B - i assume that with the continued contact i need to do that now...plan A was from June to end of August.

Rind - I don't think i am truly ready for Plan B, but i dont know what else to do - the continued contact, the broken promises, the lies upon lies...i feel completely trampled on.
I don't think WH is going to 'Get it' withhout Plan B - and frankly, i am real close to just Plan D....remember, this is A #2 and we haven't even been married 5 years!

Sometimes it is difficult to face that the people that we choose to spend our lives with are not very good or deserving of that love. Sounds like your H is a real jerk and perhaps it is just time to send him packing. How many tears and years will you allow this man to steal from you? Plan B might be in order... but Plan D might also be the right call.
I am sorry for what you are going through. Only you can decide when enough is enough.

MPele,

I am sorry to hear about this. It gives me shivers to hear it because it sounds sooo familar. You know in our case it took the RO and the OW t/g nuts before it stopped. Yea, he tried but over and over again contact was broken.

Don't be afraid of plan B. It is for your protection.

U R very hurt and angry right now. Justifiably so. However, what you do next is critical. So for now, go vent somewhere safe and if you can with a good friend. You can always vent here. Let us know if you need to chat.

I am on vacation this week but have lots t/d. Can listen if you need an ear.

take care,
L.

Thanks, All.
I am ordering a no-fault D kit this week. It's only $40.00 and at least then I have it. God knows when/if I do file, I want it to be as painless as possible, so no-fault is fine with me.
I also found out I can take a loan out from work for $2500.00 so I have that $$ to use if need be.

So - to those who did Plan B and had success - tell me about it, please! I can start it now if i want to, but don't know what to do/say/etc.

HI MPELE

cut your loses and get out.

it's the second time, how much more BS you are going to take?

He violated your boundry. I think it IS time for consequences and action. I think you are exactly in the place to stop your efforts, protect yourself, and let him do ALL the work required for recovery. Write down exactly what you require to consider continue working on the marriage. It will be part of your Plan B letter.

How will your Plan B work? Will he leave the home?
Let's get the logistics worked out!

Leave OW out of it -- gets you nothing by contacting her.

Lexx-
YES. Help me with logistics here.
I would like WH to leave the home. It has done no good for me to have him there since he continues to violate boundaries.
What i would like to do, frankly, is to actually file for D, as part of my plan B. I truly believe this may be the only thing that could get through to WH - i dont think asking WH to leave is going to be enough. If WH does not do all the work required for recovery (help me with this list, please!~) then I honestly don't have any qualms about following through with the D. In my state, I can complete the no-fault papers from a D kit, then file with the county for $198.00.
Filing also allows me to force WH to leave the home, if he decides to be ugly - in IL if you have filed, you can ask that the spouse leave the home and the papers being filed is your backup if they refuse to go.

Once WH is out, then he can decide what he is willing to do to save the M based on what I have told him he has to do. The D filing will give us a court date in 4-6 weeks, and if WH can't get his #$% together by then, then I go to court and it's done.

What do you think of this?
I need help with this plan b letter too!

Sorry for the threadjack Mpele. Orchid, I'm not that familiar with your story but I was wondering if you could elaborate on this a little more. Did your H send an NC letter, did he break NC or did he allow OW to break NC. Meaning did he contact her or did he just accept contact from her? Was it gradual NC?

Threadjack over...

Mpele, I did have very quick success with plan B. It literally took 1 week and my FWH ended it for good with OW, she doesn't quite seem to grasp that yet. My plan B was successful but I wish I would have stuck with it a little longer. I don't feel that FWH really got the full effect of it. I wish I would have made him work a little harder at getting me back. I also suggest that if you go to plan B you really put thought into what your conditions for reconciliation are.

Also, try not do any major LBing right before you go to plan B. It needs to be a seamless transition to get the most impact.

Goodluck.

He's already "sorry". So my guess is he wants another tyr at recovery. What do you want? Do you really want Plan B?

If it were me, I would put him in the drivers seat. I would tell him --
I require honesty, openness, and transparency.
I do not want to snoop anymore.
I am tired of having to prove or disprove your innocence or guilt.
What are you going to do, WS, to make me feel safe and earn my trust?
My trust for you is at ZERO. What actions are you willing to do to earn it back?
No more words, actions only.

Now -- what will those actions look like to you Mpele?
No more cell phone?
Or a limited one?
A no contact letter?
Do you want him out of the house?
How will he prove himself to you if he's gone?
Counselling with MB?

Can you call the radio show for advice?

MPELE,

I have often stated my position on Plan B.... it ALWAYS works.

It worked for me and if you do a PROPER plan B it will work for you.

Best of luck

Can i get a link from someone for Plan B details/sample Plan B letters? i looked on the plan b board but didnt find anything right off the bat.
Thanks!

MPELE- Go back in to the plan a/plan b section go to second page theres a couple of good one there. And if they don't work keep looking thru you will find something that you can make your own. Plus if you have SAA there is a good one there to. And make sure you post it here you will get some great advise.

I just gave my WH my plan b letter yesterday.

Good Luck

Don't they have those cell phones you can buy for kids now with outgoing call only to a limited number of contacts? That might be a good "present" to get for WS's who can't seem to control themselves. OTH, where there's a will, there's a way.

LOVE the kid phone idea, lol~~!!

WH said he will 'now' block OW # (gee, thanks for throwin' me a bone) but i already looked into that and our service won't do that. He will have to change his cell phone # completely, which is what i will inform him to do...and I will get the reaction of 'i can't do that'...really??? Well, then, you can sign D papers as far as i am concerned.

Funny that when i asked WH to change his # a couple weeks ago, he huffily told me he 'did have some self control' when it came to OW...oh, really????!! What a moron.