Today is a new beginning.

I've been separated from my WW wife for about 6 months and the affair has been going on for about 7 months. She has moved to his town to be closer to him and shows no regret in her decision. She still takes the time to talk to me from time to time but it's always about the weather, our pets, never anything substantial. She claims to love me and has said that she "can't" come home. She won't talk about the affair and says that she has the right to "heal" anyway that she wants to.

Ugh, i'm so done. I'm tired of being the doormat. I was asked out on a date yesterday and i think i'm gonna go. I'm starting to hate my wife and the way she is still choosing to treat me.

I think that perhaps its time to start fresh and move on with my life. I'm a good man with a good head on his shoulders and lot of love to give. I told myself that i wouldn't become one of those people who nine months down the road is still hoping for a miracle while his wife is sleeping with an ******. No way.

I've done everything i can do for my wife. I've taken more than my share of the blame for our marital breakdown. I've remained a friend to my wife in the face of this behaviour, i moved out of our home at her request only to have her move away the next month without telling me. I've kept the lines of communication open and have tried to show her my willingness to improve both myself and our marriage.

In retrospect i ask myself WHY? I didn't cheat. I didn't purposefully stick a dagger into my wife's back. She did!(with my trusted friend no less).

The lines of communication are now closed.
I'm done dealing with a selfish, hurtful, adulteress. I'm a good man and i'm tired of being treated like a pariah.

I almost want to tell her that i'm going on a date just to inflict a little pain in return but i won't stoop to that level.

Here's to a new beginning.

I understand how you feel.

Every betrayed spouse has probably asked themselves, "Is the marriage worth all the pain?"

It looks like you are new to all of this.

You might want to look at this in a more logical point of view.

Have you done everything in your power to try to break up your ww's affair?

Have you completed a stellar Plan A, or do you even know what Plan A is?

Why should your wife want to come back to you? Have you admitted to your part in the destruction of your marriage and have you done anything to help restore your marriage?

Only you can answer those questions.

I was a BS. My husband chose to have an EA with a young woman that was young enough to be his daughter.

It would have been easy for me to have walked away. My state is a 50/50 state and I would have come out financially smelling like a rose.

I chose to stay and fight for my marriage and my husband.

We now have a little over a year under our belt and I do not regret one bit, taking a chance on saving our marriage.

Now you have to decide if you want to take a chance on your marriage.

Only you can figure that one out.


Best of luck,

k.d.'s heartbreak

I've been plan A'ing my [censored] off. I've asked her to stop seeing him, i've tried to negotiate that issue but she won't even speak of it. Even if she agreed to it, she lives in his city 1000km from me and i could never trust her word. I've completely taken responsability for my part, read books, gone to a counsellor, talked with my wife from the heart about the changes i've made.

I have tried extremely hard to restore my marriage. Even her parents would acknowledge that. I've been optimistic, upbeat, made great changes to my life and have been a friend to her throughout her continued behaviour.

I need to start thinking even more about me and my future without the grim shadow of an estranged spouse lurking over my shoulder.

She talks to me once a week at best and often i'll notice her joining MSN messenger and then logging out before having to talk to me. It's ridiculous. It's childish. It's selfish.

I'm so done.

You have every right to choose to end your marriage.

Have you exposed her affair though?

Nothing rocks the boat like making family and friends aware of cheating spouses infidelity.

Also, how about exposing to OM family and wife if he has one.

Maybe, its time to expose like crazy and go into a dark plan B.

It sounds like WW has the best of both worlds right now.

She is wanting to keep in contact with you, filling her EN that only you can fill, and getting her infidelity time.

Before you give up, maybe its time to rock hers and OM's fantasy with a big dose of EXPOSURE REALITY.

Take care,

K.D.'s Heartbreak

Please get one thing clear, very clear, do not date, etc... until you are divorced, if you do you are taking yourself down to her level. Think about it.

Dating right now will not help your case in court later either. Your Call!

If you feel like dating while your still in so much pain I think you may end up either hurting yourself or the other person more.

Someone above said something about exposure. My husband made sure everyone in our circle new what I did. That included both our families and friends and co-workers. That part is killing me. I don't like the fact that everyone knows what I did. It is the price that I pay for what I did. I except it.

I keep having the thought that if he would just go out and have sex that we would be even. Sick and childish I know.

I hope you can move on or forward soon. Good luck.

I wouldn't say that i'm in pain anymore. I see things pretty clearly these days. As much as i love my wife, i don't believe that things "happen for a reason" as she seems to. It's a convenient sentiment for someone who wants to keep certain things "happening". Marriages survive based on hard work and real commitment -period. We've only been married for two years, life is going to get more difficult as we get older, is she going to have an affair everytime things get dicey.



I'm pushing 30 years old, i'm close to embarking on a real career for once, i would like to lay some solid roots for a family before its too late. I'm not willing to wait for two years for recovery to run its course, let alone another 6 months before she decides to come home. Along with that, i will never trust her again and in all likelihood we will suffer from failures in recovery which may put me back to square one. I will never ever ever allow myself to be put through that experience again.

She is stringing me along. The other day she said that "she can't come home" and didn't want to say "yet" because it may give me "false hope".

Oh pleeeeaaase. How friggin' manipulative is that statement.

I'm so tired of allowing her to do this to me. Plan A is ridiculous.

You are right. If you think your ready and it's over then it's done. So why the questions. To move forward we have to do just that move forward.

I am the WW and trying like heck to make my marriage work. I can't imagine how you must feel. I can't even imagine how I made my husband feel. I just know what the actions made me feel like. It wasn't good.

Manuipulation sucks. I try not to go that route but sadly can't say it dosen'y happen. Good luck to you.

Magritte --
If I were in your shoes, I would be done.

Recovering after an affair is so incredibly difficult.
In a short marriage with no children, I think the better route is for you to start over fresh.

Love her, forgive her, and let her go. Move on.

'We've only been married for two years, life is going to get more difficult as we get older, is she going to have an affair everytime things get dicey.'

Magritte- i was married 3 months when my WH had A #1 - now its been 4.5 years and we are in the midst of A #2. My WH does have an A every time things get dicey.

I am 35...I always wanted more kids and now probably won't, thanks to the disgusting behavior of my H. I will never forgive him for that, or myself for staying and wasting the best years of my life on someone who apparently can't keep his $%^ in his pants.
I cannot, of course predict that your WW would have multiple A's, I am just sharing part of my story so you know you are not alone in how you feel right now.
If you want to salvage your M, then work your a$$ off to do it. If you don't have it in you, then cut your losses now, you are still so young and have alot of time to find someone deserving of your love.
I know I am not ancient, but it absolutely breaks my heart to think about moving forward with the knowledge that there will be no beautiful little ones in my future. I am so blessed with my 13 yo DD, but I never thought she would be an only child.

MPELE