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Dealing with anger
#1754352 10/04/06 04:13 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
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ready2wait Offline OP
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I've felt a lot of anger towards my WH recently. At first, I was just overwhelmed with sadness but now I'm just plain angry at what he has done. He's inflicted so many wounds and I'm mad that he's getting away with so much as he continues to commit adultery. I know God will take care of my WH's sin but it just seems like WH is getting away with murder while I suffer the consequences.

How do I deal with this anger?

Looking forward to a new chapter since D was finalized on 4/24/07 from WH.

"I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
Re: Dealing with anger
ready2wait #1754353 10/04/06 04:26 PM
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What really helps me is to think about what Jesus would do. I don't know how religious you are, but trust me there is a lot of strength in Jesus.

I also think about how love is patient, kind, and not jealous. This helps me to stay focused on the bigger picture, not just my immediate pain and hurt.

Lastly, I think about the story of the Prodigal Son (Sp?). I think about how the father was so willing to forgive his son after essentially having wished he was dead.

All of these things keep me focused. I also think of my poor children and their hurt. Somebody has to fight for them. That responsibility lies squarely on my shoulders.

Hang in there. We are both in the same situation. Don't give up.
Re: Dealing with anger
bgtg1 #1754354 10/04/06 04:31 PM
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MelodyLane Offline
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r2w, you are supposed to feel anger at injustice, that is a good thing. Anger can propel folks into action so don't view it as something that is bad. Jesus also expressed anger at injustice. Eventually, you will get through the anger stage and move onto acceptance, so just try and view it as a normal stage of recovery.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101
Re: Dealing with anger
ready2wait #1754355 10/04/06 04:46 PM
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Orchid Offline
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R2W,

U realize that is one of the stages a BS goes through right? Now that you are in that stage, learn how to deal with it. That anger stage can be quite helpful in moving forward or quite dangerous if you make life changing decisions in this state.

Please read the link about the stages of grieving in my sig line. Let us know when you are ready to channel that pent up anger into some useful WS butt kickin energy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.
Re: Dealing with anger
Orchid #1754356 10/04/06 05:46 PM
Joined: Oct 2006
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InHisCare Offline
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If you are a believer, the only thing I have found to help ward off the unhealthy, revengeful anger is prayer and worship. Some anger is healthy like mentioned above...it's a righteous anger at sin.

I have felt this at times during my last 3 months as well, almost in waves. I just try not to act on it.

BW 35 (Me) WH 35 DS 11, DS 10, DD 10, DS 5, DS 3 Married 1994 Dday 7-9-06 Plan B started 12-24-06 Psalm 62:5 My soul wait only upon God and silently submit to Him; for my hope and expectation are from Him.
Re: Dealing with anger
InHisCare #1754357 10/04/06 06:09 PM
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frognomore Offline
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Below is a little addition to the Grief process with a link to the website I got it from. It is called the Tear process which occurs after Acceptance.

T = To accept the reality of the loss
E = Experience the pain of the loss
A = Adjust to the new environment without the lost object
R = Reinvest in the new reality

http://www.counselingforloss.com/article8.htm

This made a lot of sense to me. Especially Reinvest in the New reality.

The web page is really good because it shows how we go through the process in more then just death.

I agree that anger is good though. Supressing it will cause ulcers. Your anger may help you act in a strong decisive manner.

Good luck

BS 38
FWW 35
D Day 10/03
Recovery started 11/06
3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby


When life hands you lemons make lemonade then try to find the person life hands vodka and have a party.

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