Help!I'm new to MB. My H left 10 days after he told me the M was over 7/12/06, because he didn't love me any more, unhappy for a long time and that I have anger issues(that's new to me). I didn't see any of this until the weekend that we had an argument over his time being spent on myspace.com. I knew he was depressed for the last couple of weeks, but I didn't realize it was an A. I was the stupid wife, I thought we were very much in love, I was(am) anyway. He has been taking Prescription diet pills that I feel has added to his drastic mood changes.

Any way, I tried Plan A with out success, as he would only communicate with me by email. So I decided to stop responding to his emails and work on Plan B. It only took 12 days until he called he and gave me his new number(yesterday). He was civil on the phone, not giving me any indication that he wanted to reconcile, butI thought that this was a very position step forward. In the last month his mood had seemed to mellow, so I thought that the A was over. He was even responding to me with "hope everything is ok" I'll call you soon" I'll meet with you soon" I'll give you my number soon" and "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to be so cold". He reached out a few times for emotional support also. I don't have any way to confirm if the A is or or not. He's moved and I don't know where he's living.

I don't want to end my marriage, but I filed for divorce, to try to get financial support from him (he got served today). He left and refuses to contribute. As a result I could loose the house to foreclosure. Needless to say he went blastic when he got the papers, and now wants no commumication until the divorce is final and told me to loose his phone number.

After reading some of the postings I see that his behavior has been referred to the text book behavior of an A. Being mean and nasty, blaming everything on me. That makes me feel as though there maybe a chance to resolve our problems.

I don't want to give up on my marriage. I really know that there are other underlying issues that have influenced my husband. Should I wait it out, or just come to terms with his decision. I need some good help and guidance.

How long married? Do you have kids?

When you say you were working on Plan B, what does that mean exactly? Do you understand Plan B and did you send a Plan B letter?

Married 6 years, together 11 and only my children from a previous M.

My plan B was no contact. No I didn't send a plan B letter. I understood plan A was the positive and supportive type personality and Plan B was just no contact. Help me. Can I still do the Plan B letter. Or maybe he did that today, by telling me today that we shouldn't have any further contact until the divorce is final. Should I try to contact or wait for him? What should I do?

Can I suggest you read up on both plans first? I think they will make much more sense and you will be more effective if you understand them. I would get your hands on the book Surviving an Affair by Willard Harley. In the meantime, read up about plan A and Plan B on this website. But I wouldn 't suggest doing either until you fully understand them.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html

ok, I read over the website and I do understand them. I'm not sure if I gave plan A enough time, but our contact was limited by email only and I thought he was living with OW, so I thought the only other step was plan B. How should I continue? Should I revert back to plan A even though I filed for D? Or continue with plan B?

I would get the book I suggested and get a better understanding of MB principles. In the meantime, I would try and find out what he is doing and with whom. If he is having an affair, I would expose it.

I wouldn 't suggest going into Plan B right now, especially right after you filed for D. That will just seem like punishment. How did yall become so very far apart? What happened here?

Thank you I ordered the book.

I know who the OW is, but don't know her. He sister is very religous and has a myspace site, should I let her know about the affair also?

Our problem started by my husband being depressed and very distant with me, but phsycially the same. Still called me everyday, kissed me before he left, the normal happy married routine.

Then I found out that he marked his myspace page private-he uses it to promote his band (small local band) and he wanted to keep me out of the drama. I realized he wanted me out of his business. My gut told me he was up to something. So I told him that if he didn't have anything to hide then give me his password and log on so I could see his site for myself(i didn't find anything). He did, but told me he was fed up. We had some heated emails that day. I thought he needed time to think about his actions, so I went to my mom's for the weekend and told him we would talk on Monday. By Sunday afternoon he told me the marriage was over stating that I didn't trust him (of course) and that I had anger issues (first I heard of it) H moved out 10 days later.

That was 3 months ago. Since then we have had limited contact, his choice. He changed his phone number so I can't call him, except at work, and I won't do that. I thought contact by email is impossible to work on Plan A. Also, my C told me that I should stop reading his email, since they upset me so much. I was getting obcessed with them. I'm on ADs.

If you have information about the affair, it should be exposed. Expose to the OWs sister, your H's family, your family and any other key close people in your lives.

Did you have anger issues? Did you treat him with respect? What were his other complaints?

No anger issues, just normal complaints with the kids. I don't think I ever yelled at my H. I respected and adored my H. Everyone that knew us, thought we had a great relationship, because we did.

His other complaints were many, "how can I love you if I don't love myself", "I've been unhappy for a long time", "I'm only happy when I alone", "Holding you has never been the problem but its not the answer either", "I have been living a lie of happyness with you". With each complaint he would respond to me you just don't get it. I thought it was a way to end the conversation and shuting me down. I understand that he says he was unhappy, but that only surfaced one month prior. We just bought a house in Feb 2006. It was a wonderful time. He was so excited about this move. It waa actual, not just an act.