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Joined: Jul 2004
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Joined: Jul 2004
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do not talk to the OW, Masosa. It will only hurt you further. Make a deal with your H. Tell him to go total NC with OW for 4 weeks. No phone calls, emails, text messages for 4 weeks. If he honestly thinks he is "in love" with her after that then you agree to let him go. He has to be open and honest with you at every attempt she makes to contact him. He cannot listen to VM messages or read TM's. I can almost guarentee you that things will turn around for your M during that time.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Joined: May 2006
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OP
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Thanks for writing guys. I dont know when the due date is...probably in March or April. I will try to see if he will agree to NC, but I have a feeling he wont b.c. he has this sense of abandoment for her. I dont know if we will make it anymore. My husband does not have a backbone, and is soo gulliable, and she is using that to her advantage. She tears into him, makes him feel like the scum of the earth, and than I have to try and pick up the pieces. I have told him to stop talking to her, and to realize what she is doing, ...but he wont up his eyes. It is so obvious and clear as day as to what she is up to.
Faithfulfollower, I dont want to talk to her. And I dont plan to pick up if she calls.
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Joined: Jul 2004
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Just big {{{hugs}}} honey
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 242
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Masosa,
Hang in there! It sounds bad, but everyone's story sounds really bad at this point. Lots of H make the right decision, they just can't do it when we need them to! They dont' want to hurt OW, but it is okay to continue to hurt us. I got, "There is time for your feelings to matter later"! That still hurts, actually.
But the ladies before me have given you good advice. It is not over yet. Don't talk to her. She may really want to apologize, but she may also really just want to tell you crappy stuff about your H to make you want to leave. Neither of them are trustworthy, at this point.
Keep your course! We know what you are going through. Maybe we can help.
BW
DDay March 2004
OC born 8-04
NC
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Joined: Apr 2001
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I might be tempted to send the following communication to OW:
I understand you want to apologize to me - however, I cannot accept apologies from someone who continues to plunge a knife into my heart by contacting MY husband and trying to make him HER husband - who has used every means possible to destroy my marriage, and who will stop at nothing to complete that destruction.
If you truly are sorry for what you have done, go away; arrange visitation through a third party intermediary and NEVER contact my husband again for any reason!!!!!! That is the only apology I can ever accept. Words cost you nothing and are meaningless.
Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1 The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"? The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!" If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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