Okay, I'm new here. And what a joke of a marriage I've got. Married 10 years ago, I had 4 beautiful kids and he had none he was raising (he has a couple he never raised, saw etc...).So-I jump into marriage with this guy, move myself and kids into his home (actually his dad owns it) and wala-new family. Immediate problems surfaced, he became instant dictator to 4 kids that hardly knew him and had only been raised by mom-and within 3.5 years we were forced to move out due to my daughter acting out by taking my car and wrecking it and almost killing herself. So I moved along and bought us a home and proceeded as a single mom again, although he and I are still married. And we do things together as a couple, although I always think he hates my kids most of the time. He and I get a long together-but on his terms. So I like fishing with him etc... he makes a real good friend. But of course infidelity has played a role on both sides, although he doesn't want to know what I have done. So for 6.5 years we have lived apart, I go to him 99% of the time, he hardly ever comes to my house,and doesn't take care of me or kids with the exception of I am on his health insurance. All my kids are 19 and older, and now I have 3 grandkids. Anyway, I am terrified to live with him because he kicked me out before, but I won't divorce him for some unknown reason. In July I thought I had finally had it with him,and I didn't see him for 2 months, I told him we needed a complete separation. We only talked on the phone a few times during those 2 months. Well, I finally gave in and went back to him-to find out he had been calling ex whoever and didn't like the fact that I figured out his cellphone password and found out who he was calling. So-he promises it is over, but I cannot see his cell phone calls anymore. So I found Marriage Builders to try and figure out what to do, and told him to look at it, but of course he doesn't take the time. But he claims to love me-and we have fun together, but I don't even know if I love him. Anybody have any ideas, I am in a real rut, and the thing is I am attractive, smart and I make good money. Why I am stuck with him? He is always in Taker mode, never Giver.

Welcome, Marlin...to MarriageBuilders...best place to be on the planet, in my opinion.

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What boundaries had you both agreed to prior to marriage about blending your family? What were/are your boundaries? What are your enforcements?

Have you read all the great articles on this website? About The Love Bank, Love Busters (LBs), meeting Emotional Needs (ENs), the four rules of marriage, including Policy of Joint Agreement (POJA)?

How were you forced to move out? Did he file legal separation papers?

"But of course infidelity has played a role on both sides, although he doesn't want to know what I have done."

You will get a lot more responses for your marital situation and personal recovery if you move this post over to Infidelity General Questions II forum...it gets the most traffic. You can do so by copying your post here and creating a new thread over there (then pasting).

More people will read your post if you paragraph...helps our eyes and our responses because it makes it easier to copy and quote, easier on my ol' brain, too.

Your post is full of DJs (Disrespectful Judgments) which really bust the Love Bank, both yours and his...I don't see you stuck with him...I see you making yourself a victim of your own choices...

You chose to move out and not divorce...I didn't read where you sought family counseling or marital counseling to help you understand your blended family dynamics...

You chose to remain married and not divorce. You chose to stay separated from him...you chose from your fear...and it is your fear...

You either choose to love him or not...your choice...and only you CAN choose to do that.

Would you consider that if you're always in Giver mode then you're as abusive as he is, if in fact, he's always in Taker mode? Equally so?

Would you like to change your entire life? I did that when I came here...learned that my patterns of behavior were all mine...from relationship to relationship...not dependent on my H, but on me...sounds like you've had that same experience.

MB can guide you from surviving to thriving...your choice, all the way along.

See you in GQII.

LA