Called him on his cell.
Yet another reason for not discussing - he wants to talk in person, not on the phone.
I told him this wasn't rocket science and there is no reason, other than him avoiding the answers, that he can't
discuss this over the phone.
I didn't get anywhere with him of course, so now I have to tt him when i get home from work. i told WH this means when i get home from work - not a moment later.

I am so tired of his $%^&, i really really am. SO what do I say when he comes up with some other excuse tonight, which I am sure he will....
or not, he just called back to say that we would talk tonight when i got home, that he isnt avoiding this...yeah, whatever. All he's doing today is gearing up to tell me everything i dont want to hear - its all going to be why he shouldnt have to do what i am telling him he has to do.

Ugh. I have a headache.

This is what we've been telling you to expect.
He's doing his best to make no decision or to draw it out as long as possible.

Are you OK with being strung along until tonight?
What happens when he has to work late, or gets a flat tire, or invites friends over to be there when he's supposed to talk to you? Or distracts you with DD or plans for the weekend?

You need to be firmer -- what happened to THIS MORNING?
That was the last plan for talking....

MPELE,



It is easy to talk the talk. Based on all your recent posts are you willing to walk the walk???????

We will find out tomorrow.

I wasn't surprised in the least. I was expecting it too.

I was firm but not enough, obviously. Hard to make some one talk to you over the phone.

If he has some reason for not talking this evening, then I will tell him that it is obviously not important to him and that I am taking that as my cue to move on withhout any answers - his refusal tonight would be my answer, after all.

I know what game he is playing. And I am sick of it. Pretty much sick of him too.

How about the next conversation being - there are two things you have to take care of before close of business, or you may find another place to sleep tonight, and tomorrow look for another place to live. Am I clear on this boundary?

Love it Kayla --
Although I would be more specific (cuz I can already predict where he'll wiggle....)

There are two things you must have done before you come home tonight.
1) Change your phone number
2) Write the letter and bring it to me.

Otherwise...(just like kayla said....)

I can just picture him telling you he did the letter and you never knowing for sure that he did.

you don't really need him to wait until he comes home to TALK about it, do you?
I'd make it a condition that he have those things done or he doesn't GET to TALK to you!

Love it, too! Honestly though, i want to see what WH is going to say...not in the warm fuzzy 'i would like to talk with WH about this later' - no, i want to see what [censored] reasoning comes out of his mouth. Because that is exactly what he is going to do.
He's probably making mental notes right now of all the things i have ever done wrong in our marriage, and thinking of how unreasonable i am being to demand he change his # and write the NC letter. I mean, do i think I am perfect or something? You know, i have done plenty of things to mess up this marriage, it wasn't just him...blah di blah blah.

I am 90% certain that i will be onto Plan D after this evening. Giving WH 10% is probably WAY too generous, but what the ******. I am quite the giver <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Let's face it - if WH were considering actually doing either of these things, don't you think he would have told me that already? Over the phone, even? I mean, who doesn't want to be the hero?
He isnt going to do it, and that's why he's making me wait. He thinks his gaslighting and blame shifting - in person - are going to actually work (and, well, they have before - unfortunately) IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK ANYMORE. I say that with every fiber of my being.

you rock!

Are you prepared to implement Plan B?
Or are you not interested in saving this anymore?
You mentioned "D" so maybe you're planning to file.

Do you think you will have to spend the weekend with him trying to justify himself?
Can you go away for the weekend and get away from him?

Lexx- Yes, i am planning to file if he nixes the phone/letter plan. I've been through ****** and back with this guy, and this is a deal breaker for me.

I hope I don't have to spend the weekend with him if he says no, but i have gotten quite good at ignoring and avoiding him <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Rather than saying:

"I'm obviously not important enough to you"

Rephrase - "I matter, honey...why should I remain another day longer with someone that apparently doesn't value me above all others?"

Then when he tries to answer...you say:

"Those are just words...I know you care about me in word but I am not fed up with words, I require "caring" ACTION...prove what you are trying to say!!!! It's really THAT simple."

Some food for thought...I'm not entirely happy with what I've written above but hope you get the point. Instead of making it about whether he cares about you or not, make it about whether you feel cared about and what he can do to change that. He can deny how you perceive he feels but he can't deny your feelings.

Mr. Wondering

For what it's worth, I agree with Mr. Dubya AND I think you need to change this:

>I am back on the board and I am a mess.

You may be back on the board...but YOU ARE NO MESS! You are awesome!

- Kimmy

THanks everyone!!!!!! I cant post this weekend because our PC at home is down - but first thing monday i will be back!!!!

MPELE,

Rooting for you!

bump

?



What is going on?
Getting worried....anyone else hear from her?

????

bump

It's Wednesday morning even out here in the middle of the big blue. Where's the status? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.