AS Send Me On My Way said "by George I think he's got it!!"

Way to go HTW!!!! You are on the path to recovery, be it personal recovery or marital recovery. Either way you will be better for it.

In light of what DLK21 said do be careful to not LB, DJ and so on. I wish I had done better at this but sometimes the anger, frustration and such was too much to bear and I unloaded on her (albeit the truth, but my delivery wasn't so good). The more calm, cool, collected and self assured (not cocky) you can be in conversations with her the better off you will be in both her eyes and in your soul. You will feel in control of your emotions.

God bless.

There is a defenite skill in being calm in the face anger and I will defenitely try to minimize any LB'ers during contact with her. However sometimes the occasional reverse babble comment may be laced with some sarcasm. It is a fine line for sure.

(((HTW))) You sound very strong and confident....very attractive..

..you said somewhere in one of your responses that you felt like the person you were before you met WW w/ the bonus of MB principles. This is so key! IMHO I think we lose part of our identity when you become 1/2 of a couple then again when you become a parent. Its part of the process to adapt to a new life. But I think overtime w/o even realizing it we can lose too much of it. When I look back....at the person I was just prior to WH's A. I was not the woman he had married, didn't look like her or act like her...I had given away so much and placed myself very low on the priority list. Its great to have my identity back...I'm stronger than before...more confident than ever!

It sounds like you are too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I think your WW has been testing the waters. Especially with the break-in attempt, reality is sneaking in. Its not so great to be on your own...its scarey sometimes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />.

Keep your plan B dark, you know the drill!

What are you doing for Christmas?

Hi CC good to hear from you as always.

Things are going well and my house renovation is almost complete as it has gone from geek to sheik. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
It feels like a new home and has removed many of the old memories.

Originally my WW was scheduled to be with my kids on both Christmas Eve and Day, however she offered to let me have the kids on Christmas Eve which was a nice gesture. I replied by giving her New Year's Eve.

I will be spending Christmas day with my parents so I expect it to be fairly quiet without any kids running around. This will be my first Christmas without my family so I expect it to be a little tough.

Other than that things are going well and I am back to being dark in Plan B.

Are things continuing to improve for your situation and how is your FIL's health.

HTW

Hey Hope, wanted to drop by and say....stay strong and still my friend!! Your strength will eventually draw her back, but the other side of that is that as your strength grows....your value of self increases, and in turn, the perceived value of your WW decreases....without her making any LB deposits.

My sitch has been very good to excellent! We are preparing for the holidays, and both are so grateful for how far we've come. I still have a few things that come up....and then I have to decide do I bring it up....or just wait to see if it's my imagination. Her actions almost always tell me it's just my imagination. SF has tapered off a bit (#1 EN for me to please her)...but I know this recovery is lengthier than 5 months! But we are in a loving home.....much different a year ago!!!!

Godspeed.
MWIL

G, thanks for dropping by and glad to hear your recocery is still going well. Last Christmas was a terrible time for you as I can remember your WW making plans to move out. The sudden transformation of your story still astounds me.


Could you be more specific on what these things that come up are and how they get settled...just curious.

HTW

Well, I believe it is just a bunch of little "reminders" that trigger a bit of anxiety.....until I remember that "I have more value in myself than anyone else." It is that high value in one's self, that allows one to be an attractive, giving and always internally self checking person. Instantly, anxiety goes away.

Details??? Well, my DW bought some new perfume, dropped by her sister's for a bit, has been busy at work, a "touch" cranky (about alot of work to do before X-mas). No SF for about a week....(that drought just ended last night <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> ) It all added up to just a little "zap" of anxiety. But we continue to talk (and listen, of course) about our marriage and how far we have come. These 5 months have been great!! Yes, a tiny bit of a rollercoaster, but not the "hardest part" that many here said would take place. She has been the model FWW, in almost everyway!! We now can have VERY deep conversations, but we also enjoy the crap out of each other all the time!!!!!

Keep plugging along, my friend!! Thoughts are with you!
MWIL/George

HI! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I saw you posting on another thread...I was thinking of you this morning. (prayer list) I hope you are well, taking care of yourself and keeping busy.

Things are still good on my end...almost unbelievable. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks CC <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> I'm doing very well and have not heard from my WW in 2 weeks now. The last I heard she was upset that I was asking to take my kids to Disney World as she said I never wanted to to these things with the kids when she was around and only started once I "got rid of her" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


I am sooooo happy for you CC as hearing success stories warms my heart...especially for those that I have become fond of here on MB <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Remember I said your FWH would suprise you one day! Boy it wasn't long ago where you were contimplating a D <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

HTW,

You keep focusing on the obsurdity of the second half of her statement -- the part about you getting rid of her.

But I have to ask...

How true is the first part? The part about you not doing those things before?

SC, there is some truth to that statment as she wanted to go to Disney Land with the kids when they were younger, however I felt it would be wasted since they were so young and would prefer to take them when they got old enough to remember and enjoy it. There were other things that I was against doing and in hindsight is one of the things that I wish I had done differently and I have addressed it in my Plan A and continue to do so.

After being married for a while my WW seemed to take on the decision making process for many of our outings or family get togethers. I fell into a routine where I would find out about things we were doing with little input from me. I think she felt I didn't want to do things and was indifferent, whereas I was leaving it up to her to plan.

So she does have a valid point and I did validate her concern on this matter.

Now that I am alone with the kids, I have been forced to make all the decisions for them and plan family outings. It is something that I never used to do while married and it is preparing me for recovery, or for when I proceed into a new R with another woman. It is all part of the improvements that I am continually making and that is why she is probably resentful. Why didn't I do it before? Why did I have to wait for her to leave before I became the man she wanted all along?

If I had know this then we would never have gotten to the point where our M was susceptible to an A.

So there is some truth to this comment as I conducted myself differently pre-A. I have accepted this.

Cool. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

ETA: (meaning -- cool that you can acknowledge it without beating yourself up for it.)

Any movement Hope????

Hi G...thanks for checking up on me.

No new developments to report only that FIL read my WW the riot act after she completely disrespected her mother in mid December. Since then her attitude has softened much according to my MIL as she is now able to discuss things with her without WW becoming angry or defensive.

My WW gave me a hard time about not informing her that my DD had cut her cheek while in my care and that DD did not go to school one morning because she was having a tantrum. In her email she said that as a mother she has the right to know when DD gets a cut and when she stays home from school. She added that my silence is "making things worse". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I just chalked it up as frustration due to my dark plan B.

I'm doing well and am considering ending my Plan B sometime later this spring as I feel I have waited long enough for her to defog. My needs have not been met in a long time and I don't plan on waiting around for her to meet them.

I'm at the point now where if I find out she is still in contact with OM or begins a R with a new OM I will be done with her for good. There is just not much left in the tank for her.

I spoke to my best friend last week and it turns out that my WW called his wife for her b-day. His wife considers my WW her best friend and has been very hurt by my WW's actions, including her disinterest in maintaning the friendship. This doesn't suprise me as most WS's seem to seek out new enabling friends that will not interfere in the A.

I didn't really ask much about what was said but my friend stated "it sounds like she is hitting bottom" as my WW was apparently crying for most of the conversation. He said she sounded very humble and was in sharp contrast to her indignant and careless attitude from many months ago. My friend's wife had almost given up on the friendship so she was very suprised to recieve the call from my WW. My friend asked me if I talked to her to which I explained my Plan B and subsequent darkness.

I also found out through my MIL that my WW is seeking a new job at a new company since her excessive hours make it difficult to manage the kids as a single mom. I am very glad to hear this as it will make accidental contact with OM extremely difficult. I can still remember her saying that she loved her job when I asked her to leave it just after the A was exposed in late 2005.

Other than that, I am doing very well and have maintained a very dark Plan B. I hosted a Super Bowl party yesterday with a bunch of friends and finally felt like I have returned to my old self (with all the MB improvments of course <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />). Many of them even commented that they haven't seen me look this good and healthy in a long time.

So for everyong struggling through Plan A and the terrible effects of discovering their spouses A, just know that it does get better with time. A year ago, I was in a very bad place and now things are much, much better.

I would certainly not be in the position I am today without going into Plan B.

HTW

Good job on the Super Bowl party! It does give hope to hear the things you are saying, you have been instrumental in a number of folks turnarounds, including mine. I have a long ways to go, and you are not done yet. But it can be done.

I envy your strength, I can't wait until I feel like me again. My heartfelt congrats on having a good day yesterday!

(((HTW)))
Its nice to see you post. I've not been around much, computer problems and trying to get away from constant reminders of A. Now that H and I are trying to rebuild I kind of felt I needed to step away from the board...all this pain...I need to focus on my family. Its been going well I'll start a thread w/ update.

You sound wonderful!!! Back to living again, thats a great thing...normal stuff is so valuable. Living w/ a WS that wouldn't leave really drains the life out...I'm glad you have some positive energy back. It sounds like your WW is doing some soul searching....GOOD!!! I wouldn't be surprised if the call to her ex-best friend wasn't an effort to find out about you. I think she'll come around. Then its up to you to decide what is next.

Keep doing what you're doing. Anyway this turns out I know you have grown from all this and will be wonderful partner. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi CC <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I understand about having to step away for a while as this whole adultery stuff can consume you at times.

You are defenitely missed around here.

I can't wait to hear your update...keep us posted!


Yes is does and when you get that life back you know that you won't accept that treatment any longer. So happy for you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

HTW,

How are you doing? I can't post that much on genral because it won't alow me to log on weird. I read your story and wanted an update.

Unsure