Well Here Goes,

I found out on Sept 4th that my wide was having an affair with a contractor from another state. They later cooresponded though email which is how I eventually found out. I confronted her and she admitted to the affair. She says that she was planning on ending this affair the next weekend - yea right!

I'm told they were only together sexually four times, but each time she went back for more, which just tears me apart and leaves me with lots of questions about what happened and about myself. The emails profess love for this man in many letters and ecards. I dont know if I want to know any more specifics?

I had no idea I could be emotionally ruined like this. Its been four weeks now and I am still a mess - How long can I expect to feel like this. I have loved this woman from when I was 23 and thats been quite a few years now, like 26 years.

Anyway she says its now over, but I have no way to really tell for sure. I have contacted the WS and revealed all to my W's dislike - She threatened to leave me if I called this woman - I did anyway and not out of spite.

We have sought counciling as she says she wants to work on the marriage and are currently reading many books on the subject. I have already read suggested reading here - books anyway.

So whats next and what can I expect - I never thought I would be here - I feel so ashamed

One strange thing is I find I need her more now then ever. Its almost like an addiction, this can't be good?

How long can I expect to feel like this.

It's different for everyone. For me the first few months were the hardest. I never knew that I could hurt so bad and cry so much.

One strange thing is I find I need her more now then ever. Its almost like an addiction, this can't be good?

I was the same way. I needed my husband more. It's a few days till our one year mark and I find I still need him a lot. I know it's because I need to feel like I'm important again, that he still loves me.
It's going to be a roller coaster ride of emotions so hang on and keep coming to the boards for support.
There are a lot of great people on these boards and a lot of great information.
Take Care

Me~32
Fwh~35
D-Day 10/10/05
Currently recovering in Cali

LNC,

Welcome to Marriage Builders. I’m sorry that you are here under these circumstances.

I am assuming that you wish to recover your M(arriage)or you wouldn’t be here.

First of all, hang on! It’s going to be a real roller coaster for a while.

I went through the same emotions at about the same time after D-day. I was like a kid of 18 again. Wow! Where did that come from? It was like I needed to take back what was mine to start with and also needed to prove to my W(ife) that I was the right one for her. I also found that I missed her if she even left the room. Then when she came back, I felt like punching her in the face.

Since you seem to have already looked around on this site, I will only say for now, make sure you have read and understand the basic concepts. Then be sure you have read the top 4 posts on the Just Found Out forum. Pay close attention to WAT’s Quick Start Guide.

You could also consider reposting in the General Questions II forum. The traffic there is a hundred times what it is in here.

Learn about Plan A, Plan B and address the issue of No Contact. (NC) This should be via letter, not in person or by phone.

The ride is just beginning, my friend, and so hang on. You need to understand that the things being said are all the same things we’ve all heard. Nearly every WS (wayward spouse) thinks they have found their “soul mate.” They all think that they are just so compatible with OP.

She will be in withdrawal once NC actually starts. She will experience the same emotions as you are, but in a different time frame. She will be mad, hurt, empty, withdrawn, depressed….the whole gamut. A good Plan A will help you help her get through it all and give her hope that you will be her protector and her husband when this is all over. At the same time, it will give you hope, since Plan A is about improving you, not changing her.

As for how long you can expect to feel this way, I can’t say. For me, I ate almost nothing and slept an hour or two a night for about three weeks. It was once I realized that my W was saying the same things and acting the same way as all WSs that I was able to say to myself, “Self, it’s going to be ok.”

Eventually, marriage counseling (MC) and/or individual counseling (IC) may be needed. One or both may also need antidepressants at some point.

Keep reading here and pick up Surviving An Affair and His needs, Her Needs from the bookstore on this site (or look somewhere else. I found them at my local library. Try to avoid showing anger when talking to her. Come here to vent all you want, we’ve been there, done that and got a dozen tee shirts to prove it.