WS is from a far away country. Wants to take DD3 home for a visit. This is okay with me (aside from the fact that I want to go with as we had previously planned.)

BUT she also wants to visit another country (2nd world/developing) on the same trip, I assume to visit some people she met through work when they were here on contract.
I'm quite concerned about this part. Not sure how she would travel but unlikely to have car seats there. Doubt she would deliberately put DD3 in direct physical harm but has obviously not been putting DD3 ahead of herself for quite awhile. Also concerned that she compared the city there to a local city - I'm pretty sure this is not the case, much more disparity have/have not and much more poverty there. Also cultural differences that would concern me about single female travelling with DD3. And food/drink/disease issues.

Her mother has offered to look after DD3 while WS visits other country (this is good, also has me wondering if MIL has similar concerns or if WS is anticipating my reaction as it would fit nicely with her justifications.)

Also tried to think what I would do if we were together and this issue came up. I think I would have the same concerns and since DD3 is really too young to appreciate and remember the different culture believe the risk outweighs the benefit - would want this to be an adults only side trip.

Maybe not enough info to go on but am I being paranoid or controlling? (just some of WSs justifications)

How best to (calmly) enforce this with somewhat unpredictable WS?

I have already told her that I have no trouble with the visit to family but am concerned and have reservations about the side trip. I haven't said what I will allow. My thought is to tell her what a great opportunity the trip is for her to explore another culture and that it is very good of her mother to take DD3 for the week. And to tell her that my concern is the risks outweighing the benefits.

Concerned about how I minimize my reaction if she goes on the attack and furthers her justification. They are so many and so ludicrous sometimes it really gets my goat. As an example she said/asked, "Well it's not like you'd want to visit <country> again anyway." sounding surprised that I would. This despite us having planned to do exactly that pre-A. Then again the previous trip became another fabricated justification so I shouldn't be surprised.

Wish I could talk to MIL but she doesn't understand English and I don't understand her language either.

Thanks,
love_left

IMO, I don't think this is the basis of your objection. I have traveled all over the world and I have seen car seats everywhere I have been. Laws don't always require their use but they are available.



Yes. In a nutshell.



What passport does your wife carry? What passport does your daughter carry? You do realize that your wife cannot take your daughter out of the country without a notarized letter from you? What she is allowed to do once in her home country will depend on what passport each carries.

Sorry I see you have a common law marriage. I have no clue what rights you have regarding travel. It just sounds to me like you are using this as a pretext to keep her from traveling and it isn't a good one IMO. Have you spoken to a lawyer?

Most car seats are made in China any more BTW. Most everything is made there.

Carseat is only part of my concern but definitely not common in the country in question. Not common in her home country either but there she'll be with her family who do have and use them. Not China BTW.

Same privledge regarding travel - I took DD3 to see my family earlier this year, had letter. WS and DD3 both hold Canadian passports. WS may still hold passport for her home country though that country does not allow dual citizenship.

Not trying to stop her from travelling. I do want DD3 to see her family - they are half way round the world so she doesn't get to see them often. Just leery of the side trip - there's no family there. Since MIL happy to look after DD3 in her home country while WS takes the side trip and made that offer independantly it seems to me that would be a reasonable compromise and probably of more benefit to DD3 at this age too.

There's a couple of people at work I will ask more detail about the country she wants to visit to get a better feel for the risk too. Maybe I am being paranoid but right now I'm not at all comfortable with that part of the trip.

Thanks,
love_left