Hi,

I just found out a week ago that my WW was having A for the past three months. She didn't tell me; I figured it out.

Normally, I'm the emotional rock, but I'm all over the place from minute to minute. I feel like 15 years of marriage and 2 kids down the drain.

She's not immedieately willing to NC with the OM. That's kind of a dealbreaker for me.

I don't have the book with PlanA/PlanB, but I guess I need it asap - I get the gist from this website. I want so bad to save things, but she seems pretty far gone in the addiction. My reaction right now is to jump to PlanB if OM isn't let go. Then the next minute I'm practically grovelling and willing to do PlanA stuff so there can be no excuses if we face the worst.

I've been reading this website and these forums. They've been so helpful and so insightful. If WW and I had read this five years ago, you'd never know me! I feel like we were following some program. The things we each did, the things we have said are all here, like someone had a hidden camera and wrote it all down!!! It seems so predictable in hindsight.

She hasn't agreed to NC, but she has agreed to the weekend seminar. I'm going to try so hard between now and then to be nice and pray that we have hope coming out of that. I know it's a small basket to put my eggs in, but it's the only one I have! I was shocked to hear that she was willing to go; in fact she beat me to the punch after I showed her this website and suggested it first (I was just going to sign us up and see what happened). That gave me a ray of hope on Monday morning.

That's two weeks away. I want to inist on NC between now an then, but can't enforce it. I confronted OM and respectfully appealed to him, but WW has been calling him. I know that she doesn't fully see what a dead end this A is and how it's jeopardizing our family.

This PartA stuff seems really, really hard and I don't know if I have it in me. Right now there's a huge part of me that wants to jump to PartB and say, "Call me when you're ready to start working on US, or call me when you're ready with the paperwork to end it all." But I guess that's not trying.

Anyway, I'm just spewing random thoughts. This is one of the most constructive discussion forums I've ever seen on the Internet; I've learned a lot and I hope that I'll be able to tell you some happy stories someday; I'm really on the rollercoaster right now.

I can't say I'm happy to be here, but you folks seem like a good bunch of people...

Welcome to MB CE.

Read the links in my signature below.

Does the OM have a wife? Have you exposed the affair?

I suggest you move post also in GQII - JFO is quiet at the best of times but even on the weekends there is traffic in GQII.

Note well what Pepperband says in the Plan A thread below - read the whole thread because she explains every part of Plan A.

Thanks... I'll repost over there... just noticed the increased traffic. Yes OM is in a bad marriage. I sent her a very respectful email telling what i know.

I like what Pepperband says... it feels empowering. I know it's gonna be so hard for the carrots some days!

I just found out..(day 4) he disclosed everything to me from the past 3 years. (so he says). This disclosure came after I found a womans number programmed into his cell phone. NOW what do I do? In our discussion about this.. he said over the last 3 years he has has sex with 10 other women. He says he doesnt understand why he does this... he claims that our sexual relationship is great. These are stupid acts that mean nothing and he claims he has never been with any of these women a second time. I am so messed up right now...I came here to talk to some one...I am ashamed to tell anyone in my family or my friends...please help! Kat

Kat

So sorry you are in this situation but you've found a good place to find help and caring hearts. I would encourage you to read everything on this site. Start with Dr. Harley's basic concepts and surviving infidelity. Surviving an Affair is the book that is the basis for concepts such as Plan A and Plan B.

Also, take care of yourself. Are you eating and sleeping? I'd head to the dr to help you deal with the incredible stress this causes.

Next, you need to protect yourself. As embarrassing as it may seem, go to your dr and get tested for STD's. Your dr. will understand and can't/won't by law and ethics, share anything with anyone else. I would insist that your WH get tested also.

It sounds like he may have a sexual addiction. I'm not real familiar with that but there are others on this site who have experienced that and can direct you to more sources.
I know there are sources such as Every Man's Battle, but I don't know much about them. There's a companion book for wives called Every Heart Restored. It might be helpful for your sitch.

Perhaps you should post on General Questions-as there is more traffic over there, but things are somewhat slow on week-ends.

Please know you are not alone Kat. Right now just breathe-read-and know there are others who are here for you.