Kids were fine... at a friends house. It just lasted a few seconds. Wife even said that it was terrifying and bizarrly exciting at the same time since I'm not one to show much emotion; she's glad to know there's some passion (however misdirected) is still in there.

We've done good with the kids so far, but my oldest (10) is smart enough to catch some wierd vibes... We're in conuseling with for for anxiety and will discuss asap what to say to her.

Not necessarily... maybe just some good suggestions. I'm taking my daughters xanax since she's doing really well! I need something of my own, at least to get to sleep... here it is almost 0600 and no sleep tonight. I probably walked 5 miles up and down the neighborhood -- maybe I'll drop a few lbs if nothing else!!!

Part of a listserv that she participates on... no details, but close knit group of 35 mothers for over 10 years. I own the domain and the email server is mine... Postfix has some good features originally designed for Sarbanes/Oxley compliance issues that work well here. Too many years in IT and security; it see *all* (every byte in and out of the house) and that's not always a good thing!

Maybe someday I'll work up a forensics guide for BS's

Self-medication is a hugely bad plan for many reasons. I would mention to your doctor that you have done this. I would mention it to the therapist as well.

No problem... I've seen that cars and chemicals don't mix. I'm PPASEL and have sworn off even driving by the airport 'till I'm way, way better!

Absolutely, but WW was one of the finest RNs to walk the Earth before becoming a SAHM -- that was at her recommendation. But absolutely, YES, I'll discuss it today.

WW was one of the finest RNs to walk the Earth before becoming a SAHM

Interesting. Squid was a clinical nursing specialist before becoming a SAHM ...and having an affair too.

Charlie ~ take advice from the awesome people here...we're only about 5 months into recovery, but their thoughts and advice have been invaluable!

Ahhhh...yes, I threw a glass of wine at my H (it missed, but just barely -good thing he ducked), and then a full BIG glass of water at our 8 foot sliding glass door (only the glass broke that time, thank God!) - but here's the lame thing: our 8 year old son heard it and the next day told my sister (who was here during the whole sick, ugly thing) that he'd had a dream that he heard glass breaking and that it sounded "so real" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />. So be careful my friend, to keep those emotions in check - you never know when they will strike, and maybe your kids will be around next time...you don't want that for them, and neither do they.


We've done some of this "Liquid Courage"/ liquid-numbing thing too...check out my thread here: it DOESN'T help. I got myself into BIG trouble with it. Hasn't helped a thing....so be careful my dear:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=1&fpart=3


Good man:) Bad Religion's "Sorrow" is helping me out a little more though these days....especially the acoustic version. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> It's easy to twist *any* of those words to fit our circumstance, isn't it?


We have a ten year old girl too....very smart, aren't they? She hasn't been "told" everything, but I would bet money that as HARD as we've tried to shield her (and our other 3 kids) from all of this, she's too smart NOT to have put two and two together....so sad. Again, be careful. You are one step ahead of me in that you have found this website so early - I didn't find it until about 3 months after d-day.


Go get yourself some Tylenol P.M. (or the "save-your-liver" alternative: Simply Sleep). That stuff has saved my life (and my doc OK'd it - said it's not addictive or anything..just like Benadryl)....been taking it for months now - and am able to sleep. Sleep deprivation can be totally and completely DETRIMENTAL to us at this point - it makes things SO MUCH more twisted than they already are. GO GET IT!


You probably will. I think most of us BS's have done this...I know I have. I'm still barely eating. Food makes me SICK.

That's it. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone....(BTW, I'm normally over on the Recovery board...somehow amidst links and other things got to your thread)...praying to see you over on that board real soon. Again, LISTEN to these people - they know what they're talking about! Take their advice and go with it...you won't regret it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

Best of luck to you, my friend,
~MF

Hi All,

Thanks again for so much wonderful advice. I feel like we're making progess at home.

I finally got WW to agree to NC on Monday and admit that this relationship had no place in any rational future.

You'd think I feel relief, but my emotions are all over the place; it's not a rollercoaster but more of a roulette wheel. From one five minute period to the next I'm feeling: happy, guilty, ashamed, insecure, excited, scared, etc.

When does that calm down?

We've read SAA and we're both excited about rebuilding a better future together. Still, I know she's missing a big emotional crutch. And I'm still reeling from a kick in the gut that I could never imagine.

We're probably trying to do too much, to quickly, but I figure it can't hurt. We did the emotional needs forms and discussed, we've had a few 'dates' in the past couple of days and it's really encouraging -- exciting, really.

Then I panic! Today she came up and met me for lunch which was great. I called her afterwards and couldn't get her at home or in the car and I started having a panic attack because I feared the worst!

I really want to think this is the catalyst for a better marriage (it may have just meandered along without it), but I'm really scared about letting my guard down. I guess that's natural, given my position.

Anyway - things appear to be heading in a positive direction. I can't say enough good things about the people who contribute here; it's been a huge help reading your experiences and advice!

That's great Charlie Echo - What is your recovery plan.

Are you going to get MC?

Have a PLAN Charlie.

Our Plan was doing the MB home study course.

It is a responsibility of your wife to make sure you know she is maintaining NC. Did she write a NC letter?

What was your real reason for calling her? Be honest. I'm not criticizing - just curious.

I ask this because I got to the point where I had to make serious decisions regarding phone calls in order to save my sanity.

1) NC - yes on the letter
2) Lining up MC... we've both had mediocre IC really want to find someone *really* good for MC. Looking for someone who can help with Harley's philosophies.
3) Doing the MB weekend in two weeks - we're both excited; it feels like a new start.

We'll see from there.

In the last two weeks we've both learned a *lot* about ourselves. We've communicated better in the last two weeks than we have in the last two years!



A good one -- I was calling to discuss options for flights to the MB weekend seminar!