Another time I'll post my story, but for now let's start with this.

On Friday, 9/29, after my wife telling me on Labor Day that I needed to find someone to love who loved me, I happened to actually look at her most recent cell phone bill details. Big suspicions immediatedly from the number of calls, length of some of them, and time placed of some. Looked up the numbers -- physical therapy where she now works out several times/week and massage therapist (who turned out to also work from that location). Over last weekend I checked old bills. Same pattern for maybe a year. I confronted her Tuesday night. "What are you saying?" "Why would you say that?" "What makes you think that?" No confirmation, lot of logical explanations, I kept pushing, never got a denial, just got "Ok" & "Ok" again at the end. Wednesday night - show me what you looked at. Okay, how about here when you left a clinic about 45 minutes from home and took over 2 hours (getting home after 8:00). Had told me she ate a cafeteria first, but still missing time plus phone calls to those numbers at 6:12 & 6:33. Came up with other places she went, never explained the calls. I kept pushing, too many calls, too many odd times, too long a time period, I want to believe your explanations but I know about evasion, why didn't you just tell me no last night? Finally, "I thought you would hurt the family." Say again? So, you're having an affair? Yes. You thought I would contact his wife. Yes. Later that night she admitted a year long affair (bad bad bad). Said first time ever in our 33 year marriage. Happy for the first time in her life.

I'm in shock. Thought about it all day Thursday. What to do, what to do. Read things here. Yes, must stop the affair. Will take action next week. Got in bed, still high anxiety for me, "What am I doing in bed with her after this?" Got up without saying anything & went to another bed room. Moved my pillows again last night.

Finally the question. I think I'm moving back to the bed tonight. I plan to bring down (with help) the house of cards next week. I would rather be in the bed with her from here out as there may be more opportunites to talk plus don't want to move back in on the day his wife (and maybe employer) come down on him.

Any thoughts about staying in the bed with her? Before the exposure I wanted her back. I still do, but damn the thoughts & images now. If I see her partially clothed, my chest gets tight because of what she now gives to someone else. Obviously there is a lot more to think about and do (as I have got to be proactive in this), but how about starting with this one question?

You will find the help you need here, I think. I'm in the same boat as you, though a different situation.

Just read the articles about infidelity, start at the beginning, and read through them--print them out, and read every second you can.

I would stay in bed--everyone's gonna tell you about Plans A & B, and you need to read about them as well.(My WH (wayward husband) and I hadn't slept in the same bed in years. It was just one of the things that wasn't good for our relationship. After revealing an almost-full-blown affair, we're back in bed together, and that's been the first step in our healing process. Anyone here can understand how you're feeling about your wife and being with someone else. It makes me sick to my stomach when I think of my husband touching the OW. The thoughts stop coming as often, but it's something that will drive you crazy if you let it.

Read, read, read and keep us posted.

m4

BT,
Ouch. Welcome to MBs, although I am sure you wish you didn't have to be here. You are welcome and you have come to a good place for support. As far as your question, you have to act in a manner that is comfortable for you. Some people separate from each other by moving out. Some people separate by sleeping on the couch. Some people are able to continue sharing the same bed. But it has to be what you are comfortable doing.

As far as your wife and her A. There has to be NC. She has to be willing to agree to this. You need to read everything on the MBs website about Plan A/Plan B, information about surviving an A, etc., etc. This website was a tremendous help for me. I learned that what I was feeling was normal. I learned that the A had nothing to do with me. I learned that things that he said when he was in the "fog" was just that. The ENs questionnaires were so helpful in understanding each other.

You are embarking on a long, tough road. Your marriage can be saved if you both work at it. Your marriage is worth it and you can recover. YOU CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THIS.

My H and I are 7 months post D-Day. We have our ups and downs. But we have learned to talk. He is learning to understand my feelings. We are both committed and working to rebuild our marriage.

Good luck to you. And, FYI, I continued to sleep in the same bed with him, but he was 1000 miles away from OW and was committed to NC and to rebuilding our marriage. And those images....those awful pictures that pop into your head at all hours do fade with time. They are less frequent, less intense. I won't lie, they are still there, but time heals. Communication is essential. You can do this.

Good luck and God bless. Take care of yourself.

SS

"Happy for the first time in her life."

These are the things said through the fog. They're said to hurt you and to push you away. They make absolutely no sense, but the WS has to say them in order to feel justified.

They hurt. A lot. My WW continues to say things like this to me, so I've pretty much cut all ties with her.

Good luck.

You might want to start a thread in GQII as well - much more traffic there....

I just found out..(day 4) he disclosed everything to me from the past 3 years. (so he says). This disclosure came after I found a womans number programmed into his cell phone. NOW what do I do? In our discussion about this.. he said over the last 3 years he has has sex with 10 other women. He says he doesnt understand why he does this... he claims that our sexual relationship is great. These are stupid acts that mean nothing and he claims he has never been with any of these women a second time. I am so messed up right now...I came here to talk to some one...I am ashamed to tell anyone in my family or my friends...please help! Kat

Kat - How long have you been married? Do you have any children?

I suggest you start a new thread on General Questions II - link here...

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/postlist.php?Cat=0&Board=UBB37&PHPSESSID=