Based on my previous thread I decided to start a new thread as the other is long. I just wanted to say the following and thanks to all who visited to read my story and to those who replied.

First I would like to address the last comment within my previous thread:

Previous thread Link:
Emotional turmoil and inner battle…Can’t take it anymore…help

Comment within the precious thread:

My final comments…

Thank you again for your post. I know my posts are long and wish I could trim it down but for the understanding of the situation requires much to say.

I guess this is where I am at a loss and have no available support. I was on this site for the first couple of months and decided to stop posting and reading to let the pros handle my situation. Here is the story behind my therapy and why I have resulted back to this site as I had no other alternative:

I’ve been involved in weekly therapy starting 10 months ago (1 month after dday). I've gone through many sessions to deal with the A as I like all BS’s was suffering a great deal. We began to find other traumatic events that I’ve healed from in the past to resurface and began to suffer from Chronic delayed onset PTSD causing many other insecurities, trust issues, etc. I wanted help so bad to end this pain that I opened up fully to my therapists and invested 1000’s of dollars regardless of the repercussions (should have been committed by now). My very good therapist used many techniques including some sort of weird subconscious electro technique. She finally had to stop therapy due to the dangerous emotional state I was entering and downward thoughts (she took me seriously) and decided to find something more appropriate. She thought I required proper meds and a team of DR’s therapists, councilors, etc and found the DR I have been seeing now for many months. I've confronted my suicidal thoughts many, many times but I feel like it’s taken as a joke and it rages me even more (I've told him that too). I am still in contact with the first DR and told her what I thought which was I felt it was going nowhere and the meds haven’t worked over the past 10 months (tried many concoctions). She says he is doing what he is supposed to but also tried to find something else without success regardless that I am getting worse.

I have along with my original therapist spoken with many people, DR’s, programs, etc. to try and find the help I need but I’m at a loss nor am I taken seriously by the other individuals and programs. The past traumatic events continually remind me of how I’m suffering with the A even though they have nothing to do with each other. The flashbacks of the A along with some previously regressed memories and nightmares are devastating. I’ve even had my nightmares analyzed by many professionals who were extremely surprised with the details and how devastating and reoccurring they are. The analysis proved to be inconclusive and had no proper interpretation or resolve.

So my fate, as it would seam to me, is unknown without the proper support and continual pain. Truthfully, I don’t feel like I am suffering from the other traumatic events because all I think about is the trauma of the A and just can’t get it out of my head or dreams but I am not professional to conclude that. I think I’m screwed as no one can help and no matter how much I divulge I am not taken seriously and sort of feel patronized. Although, I think I am the only one who can help me, regardless of the help and support you have all been offering along with the DR’s, I am stuck and can’t move on within my own turmoil. Again…I’m at a loss…

I think I am alone in my dilemma but just wanted to say thanks anyway.

What tools from here have you read, implemented or used?

Have you called Steve H @ MB for some phone counseling? He is quite effective in pulling one out of a rut and setting them on a healthy recovery. Of course you have to cooperate with him but that s/b expected, right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

I've gone through many posts to read other stories and get a different perspective. Although, mine is quite different and not as bad as most (and I feel so strongly towards those who are also suffering), I’ve also implemented many tools, bought books, visited sites and tried to get other ways to cope. My story is miniscule compared to so many out there whereas my wife’s 3 day physical A was due to many medical and mental reasons including a bad trip on cortisone and anti-depressants. The repercussions for her was months in the hospital and for me, many months of turmoil and still trying to recover.

The trouble is a huge wound opened up with my wife’s A whereas the wound isn’t closing due to so many other events that occurred since the A. For example, the latest issue was our home. We took over my in-laws house a year and a half ago to help them out because of their divorce. FYI, they have always been selfish and materialistic even over their grandchildren. Willingly, they allowed us to move in after covering up mold in the basement because they couldn’t afford the insurance deductible, which finally surfaced these last few weeks. All our belongings were removed from the house to be disinfected and they ended up screwing us out of about $12,000. Now we’re living in a hotel with 3 children as a result and in the area we are having no luck finding another place to live. Well to top all this off, today we found out that we have to put our cat down because of lesions throughout her body from toxic mold spores attacking her skin. Just think what this has done to our children’s health. That explains the fatigue, depression, migraines and sicknesses over the last year and a half. What selfish people. Regardless, we, especially my wife, have ended the relationship with her parents.

How can one heal from a traumatic event when so many others pop up? If I told you what has occurred elsewhere since the A you would understand that my body cannot heal. I’ve heard that things will get better and time will heal but how when so much is continually happening. How can I heal from the A especially when my wife has handled everything about the A the wrong way according to the advice on this site? I’ve asked her to read to find out how she can help. She has done so many other things to help me deal with the A but lacked in emotional support and what I needed emotionally to get past this. Trouble now is I feel it may be far too long since she’s done it the wrong way that revisiting it may be difficult. So many talks and counseling, that now if we revisit the A it would probably bring on more turmoil towards her in dealing with it herself. I do know for sure, that if she had handled things differently about the A after it happened I would feel different about it now. Can we revisit it and last??? I don’t know. Regardless if we do I still have other work to do to get my personal life for my family straight along with my business.

IsItWorthIt,
No point in considering what might have happened had your wife acted differently.

You have control over your actions today, and that is it. What can you do differently today?

I have found that two things seem to work in dealing with the choice of an A which clearly shows that the spouse has been unwilling to live a marriage in which "the two become one". These two things are:

1) Follow the Policy of Joint Agreement yourself. This means not doing anything which your spouse finds to be negative and not allowing yourself to be talked into anything which you might find negative. You moved into your in laws house when you already knew they were selfish people. Why? You violated the POJA yourself.

2) Ask your wife what you can do to make your marriage better -- what you can do and what you can stop doing.

Respectful

It is easy to fall into the trap and feel your case is different and without help. Despite all that is stacked against you, you do have help and you will survive.

Right now your W isn't your W, she has turned into a WS who is an enemy of the family and the family arrangement. That is what is making it hard for you to deal with everything.

The shock of her NOT wanting to work with her family to help her family survive is mind numbing to say the least.

After the shock wears off, you will see the clearer picture. If $$ is a problem right now, go to the library and check out Surviving an Affair along with His needs/Her needs. Both are by Dr. Harley.

See if you can place a call to Jennifer C @ MB for some phone counseling. Worht the effort. They will ask you read those books 1st and take the EN questionnaire once as yourself and once as your W (not as a WS but as your real W), if she won't take it.

Secure your finances. Expect her to act selfishly and spew venom on your R & M.

Protect your children.

take care,
L.

You hit the nail on the head with that comment. That is how I feel when things crumble around me. I feel as though she is an enemy and sometimes wish I have never met her. But on the other hand she is also everything I ever wanted in a woman. So much love for her but now I can't even feel love for myself. Sometimes I can't even look at her and the anger is unbearable and everything else is cloudy. While all that is crumbling around me, I can't open up to her regardless of being the type of person who could open up to anyone. To make it worse, I can't open up to anyone anymore. What's a relationship without the openness to ones spouse? I think it would be different if she handled it differently and could possibly be different if she was handling things differently now.

Just to make it clear, she is trying so hard to help out but not in the emotional ways I need. She has done pretty much everything I asked, like quit her job, etc but lacks in emotional needs. She grew up with a very bad structure in the family and has always been emotionally inept. Something, I've been working on trying to change in her and teach her the ways of love and sharing that love. She is not listening and I don't think she has it in her which is something I need more than ever now. She just doesn't get it.

I will definitely consider calling Jen C and have already bought the book along with gone through the EN questionnaires. She quickly realized she failed miserably. So far, I think I’ve done everything I should have up to this point except for calling for counseling. As for personal counseling, I feel as though the DR’s don’t take anyone serious if they’re looking for help on their own. It’s as though you have to do something really stupid to get them to listen and realize something is wrong which is something I am not willing to do.

Thank you again for your post!

I would also consider following a physical regimen as well as a relationship regimen.

Study all you can about detoxing. You lived in a poisonous, toxic house before your wife broke down and you broke down, and your children are at risk as well.

My husband went through an entire personality change after a few weeks of working in a two-car garage on a piece of equipment the size of a tractor - he moved probably four ton of product through that machine daily - 16 hour shifts, 6 days a week. Chemicals such as oils, solvents and varnishes with no ventilation... you get the picture. He wound up in the hospital after 1 year of that routine - if you've seen "A Beautiful Mind", consider that experience from Alicia Nash's perspective to be similar to mine, without the electrical shock treatments.

Getting him out of the environment was only part of the battle.

He can no longer do that job - ever. I will divorce him if he ever gets so desperate about money that he even thinks about going back to it.

Part of your research ought to include cleansing the tissues, the lymphatic system, etc. www.drnatura.com is a good resource. www.upledger.com - look for practitioners in your area by zip code - lymphatic drainage/viscera as well as the other modalities would be good for you to consider.