I just wanted to tell you I am [cheering] for you. I wish you the best of luck.

Edited to remove Australian bad word. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

LOL

I was scratching my head to work out what the word was until I came and looked here. It's obvious.

Now if only I can work out which thread Pio posted to twice but deleted his first post..... Hmm.

Thank you so very much. I laid in bed a couple of nights ago and decided that I don't want a divorce. It's a tricky, complicated situation but I've seen worse in the two years I've posted here. My WH screwed up BADLY and I'm not yet sure of his commitment to NC. But if I lay down my ground rules and he comes through, then I think we stand a good chance of a decent relationship again.

He is a very sick man. Having him home makes life more comfortable for all of us and, best of all, I have help in the home to make the domestic burden a lot easier. He can't manage on his own and we can't stay in HK without his paid employment. So we need each other. It's not all lovey dovey but it might work out. And, if not, well at least I can say I tried instead of floundering in 'no man's land' forever!

Thank you for rooting for me. Oops, I swore in Australian!

TT

Thinkin' about ya mate.

However, if I were financially independent, I'm pretty sure I would not be embarking on this road. I'm sure that's why all those Hollywood stars marry and divorce so readily. They really don't 'need' one another.

Thank you piojiots,

Point taken. I was not aware of the not posting on one anothers threads. He has been onmine from the begining. I was feeling desperate at the moment. We just had our first fight. I needed to say something. Next time I'll use personal e-mail.

Thanks again. I'm new and I like to know the rules. Spoken and not.
Jess

Fights are par for the course. You will likely have more. It is best to have them in private rather than on a public forum. You may read things in your H's thread you don't like and he may do the same in yours. My best advice is don't read each others' thread. I agree he did start it and I almost made that comment to him but, since he started his on thread, I didn't. If he does post on your thread, I will advise him the same so please don't feel singled out.

Hopefully he will feel safe to say what he really thinks and feels on his thread as you will on yours without fear of being criticized by the other. Remember we are not necessarily talking about right or wrong - we are talking about feelings and perceptions and they should never have to be justified.

By separating your posts, you will receive much more benefit from the advice and probably get much better advice. That is what's most important. If you do read something on your H's thread that makes you angry or you don't agree with, sit down and calmly discuss that with him. You are both in a very awkward situation and being radically honest is difficult at first but you both will need to accept the fact that it will ultimately be a necessity. In the meantime, there is a lot of emotion. Don't always listen to the words. Neither of you always say what you really mean. If you really need to vent, do so on your thread and you will have people help you understand it better.

I haven't really followed your sitch since both were posting on the same thread but I am guessing you are having a rough time. Rest assured you are both in the right place. I wish the best of luck to both of you.

thanks again....