I am having a problem moving on from hurtful things my husband has said to me. Over the years he has said things, about me as a person, that he says he regretted saying, but they hurt so much they have stuck with me. He said that "we all say things we regret" that I should just let it roll off my back. Well, yes, we do all say things we regret, but I am having a hard time letting them roll off my back. To me, it seems like an excuse for him to not deal with the fact that he has really hurt me.

Any advice? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Thanks.

I sympathize with your position.

Speaking from the otehr side (I was the one saying hurtful things)...one cannot take back what has already been said. I wish I could, but I never realized until recently how much pain I have caused my once loving wife. We are still together and I am working on Love Busters very hard and she has begun to speak to me again but it is not the same.

As in my case, your H will have to realize that what he has done/said has caused pain and work on stopping such behavior. My W is still bringing things up that I said 10-12 years ago.

It is an excuse not to deal with his problems. I hope you have talked to him about how you feel. My W did not and let problems fester for a very long time until one day she just said "I think I want a divorce." I can say for certain that once informed, I worked very hard to change myself. I feel better about me and how I am treating W and kids.

W and I have been having problems for about a year now. Just recently she has begun to talk with me again, friendly conversations about household/children logistics. You said your H regretted what was said, that indicates to me that he was aware of what he said. In my case, I was not aware that I was being hurtful (now on meds and feeling great).

Bottom line-verbal abuse is ABUSE and both of you need help...especially H. I hope you can convince him to work on self and your relationship.

I'm going thorugh the same thing as you are. I have a big heart, and it can be used as a weakness with my husband. It never happened before we were married, which is odd. I usually place it on post-war stress, but I know it's becoming a problem.

Hey it's hard - have you tried counselling? Counselling has helped us some - but still my dh seems to think that if he says he is sorry for saying something when mad - that I should just accept it and not be hurt because he was mad. I still take it personally, so I can sympathize. I suggest some counselling for both of you.

I have recently been through some things with my husband of 5years. I was the one saying mean and hurtful things to him. Basically you have to get it all out there and confront it all again if it is not resolved because you will both be continuing to live a lie. It is hard to bring it all up again, but hey...it's the only way to sort it out. Him saying that they should not worry you and you should get over is a cop out. I found that stuff i said ages ago was still hurting my H even tho he had forgiven me for it. You both need to sit down and say exactly what is going on and exactly how u feel. It hurts too, to bring it all up again and he will prob get cranky, but it has to be sorted, now or never.

I had been on the receiving end of verbal and occasional physical abuse from my H for over 30 years -- finally it began to affect my health so I left for six months. My H immediatley did a 360, took anger management and begged me to return so I did. But a year later, I find my heart is still shut down -- I can never get past all the horrible names he called me, which I never deserved ( was a good, church-going wife, kept a lovely home and was kind to H).

I think there comes a time when you just can't feel anything for the person who abused you and that's where I am. If my H didn't have MS I would have left permanently by now and am still thinking about it. H thinks now thet he'se changed I should get past it and move on, but at 54, that's very hard for me to do.

Post deleted by Soul_Sistah

New Here,What do you do when you(Me) have left because Child Protection Service stepped in-5th Degree Assult on 7yr old son with marks left imprinted on face and Assult against me resulting in broken wrist and Heart Attack (48yrs old)?Then Order of Protection (1yr time limit-07-07-06 to 07-07-07) and you know Arresting (delayed to 01-16-07 trial) will hurt son more than husband (20yr married to me)?
Hurtful words-verbal abuse/physical abuse since 2nd yr of marriage - any suggestions - Done Counseling,Done Parenting Classes - Son is Autistic, Done Mental Health Counseling. Now Husband wants answer Divorce or Come Home. Help please

I'm in the same situation. After 30 years of emot.,verbal & physical abuse I left him for 3wks in March. He & we startd counseling but I dont know if I will ever trust again. I feel so dull inside - even when he does things that are special. He says that the problems we are having now are because I cannot forget/forgive the past. I think the past has just left me empty....and I'm afraid that he is just manipulating me again - not truly changing. I'm so confused.. I don't want to scrap our 30 yr. marriage because I think I still love him but I can't allow myself to be trapped again in his abuse stuff. He is so good at inverting the truth to make it look like I am the problem. He's also a pro at lying. he says he hasn't lied since we started counseling but I've caught him in two small ones. Like you I just want to get the feelings back and be able to be open, loving and trusting but I'm so afraid t let my defenses down.The counselor says he has PTSS from the way he was raised by an abusive mother but I think they just handed him an "excuse card" That's how unfeeling I am right now. Maybe we can help eachother since we both want our marriages to work.

Three cheers for you slm. You sound like a one in a million man. You can see both sides of the coin. Not many men are willing to do that. Most want to blame it all on the other person. And the fact that you can see both parties need help just proves that you can look at things from a logistical instead of egotistical view. Like I said, THREE CHEERS FOR YOU!!! Wish more men could see and understand as well as you!!