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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 307
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OP
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 307 |
I asked my W to come to this website and post any question she had. I thought this web site may help her but no I'm having second thoughts.
Was I right to ask her here?
D-Day Sept 4th 2006 (Labor Day Holiday)
No Holiday for me...
Numerous D-Day's
BS - 50
FWS - 47
Three Children DD(26) DD(24) DS(21)
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978 |
If she is a BS yes...we can definitely help her. If she is WS it depends....if she is still involved in affair and is not thinking clearly she won't like what she hears. She will get an honest response to any question she asks.
aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 981
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 981 |
I asked my W to come to this website and post any question she had. I thought this web site may help her but no I'm having second thoughts.
Was I right to ask her here? Hmmm. Probably not the best move. Since your wife is a new wandering spouse, you have now given up the one source you could have used to help you combat the WS and insure that your wife is not involved in an affair anymore. Talk to Melody Lane. k.d.'s heartbreak
In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.
Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 307
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OP
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 307 |
W found out I was at this website and asked questions. She visited when she was at work and grilled me about what I was doing here? Dont know if she found my threads.
I'm sure she is curious about what advise I get. You may be suprised at how may WS are visiting this site?
D-Day Sept 4th 2006 (Labor Day Holiday)
No Holiday for me...
Numerous D-Day's
BS - 50
FWS - 47
Three Children DD(26) DD(24) DS(21)
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I'm sure she is curious about what advise I get. You may be suprised at how may WS are visiting this site? No, we are not surprised. We only hope that they don't come here until the marriage is in recovery. Because if they come here before they are truly done with the affair, they only learn things that will help them PROLONG their affair. It they come here before their marriage is in recovery, the BS loses this forum as a resource if the WS is reading their thread. We can't help a BS bust up the affair and protect himself if the WS is reading here. I won't be giving you any advice anymore if I know your WS is reading my posts because I know it will be a waste of time. That only puts the folks who are trying to help you in a very bad postition when your WS blows up at them.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Just so you know, we have had numerous betrayed spouses who had to LEAVE this forum because their WS was reading their posts, which directly impeded their ability to stop the affair and save their marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 55
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 55 |
I'm on the other foot. I had a ONS. I found this fourm and I posted my story and got lots of help. I am so sorry for what I did. I have NC with OM.
I invited my H to read my threads and see what this site is about. He felt like I was being portrayed as the victim so he will not post anymore. I'm not sure if he is reading my stuff anymore. I hope he is.
Anyway there are some great people on this site. They don't always say what I want to hear. In this world who does. I hope you stay and find the help you need.
It has helped me a great deal.
Jess
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297 |
As an FWW who found the forum on my own and has received nothing but support and friendship and yes, some very tough 2x4s, I can say maybe, yes.
As Mel so rightly pointed out, a WS who is still a WS who comes here will not like what they hear.
They will fight against everything that is said to them and will think that everyone is out to "get" them. They will think they are unique and that noone "understands" them or the uniqueness of their situation (which is never unique by the way).
That is not the case. Everyone here is here to help.
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,813
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,813 |
LostNCrazy,
If your W is still wayward (continuing the A/contact with OM); behaves entitled and justifying & rationalizing her behavior, then I will say no, it was not the right thing to ask her here. But if she is FWS committed to you and the M then yes, it was the right thing to do.
I don’t know your story so I don’t know whether your W is still wayward or not.
Like Jen, I’m a FWW who discovered this website one my own. I discovered it while I was doing a google search on opposite sex/on-line friendships. (At that time I didn’t know about EA’s yet.) This website and forums was extremely helpful to me; was a big eye-opener and helped to lift the “fog” I was in.
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