So... a friend of mine, R, (he works at our other back-office building, where I used to work), we talk every now and then (about once a week), we've gone out to dinner & movies for both of our b'days (July and Sept), and for dinner one other time (like, May) since I left the other office in March. When I worked there, we used to hang out in each other's cubicles and talk and laugh once or twice a week.... out to lunch twice (Christmas and to celebrate my leaving in March).

Sooo... our conversations are mostly just about stuff... nothing... and just what's going on at work, in our life, etc... and sometimes a tad flirty. When we have gone out, he tries to initiate some kind of physical contact, like elbow-wrestling (you-know when you share an armrest at the movie)... or when I playfully hit him and pout when he says something mean, he says it again so I can hit him again. I invited him to a concert with a couple of my friends 2 Fridays ago, and he didn't go. Sooo... today I e-mailed him to tell him what a good concert it was and to ask how he was doing. He called me, and we talked for a few.... he was interrupted... and he called back and we talked for 40 minutes. It's always like that. He ENJOYS talking to me. Is that "just friends"??? He was really hurt in his divorce 6-7 years ago, has NEVER dated again, and says he's not interested in looking. We've been friends for 5 years now, since I started going through my divorce. He's not dead, he will joke about sex every now and then (he's a guy). He seems so afraid to take another step with me. I really don't think I'm pushing for that next step... I mean, I don't think I'm doing anything to cause him to back up. But he doesn't make any moves in the direction of the next level, and resists if I suggest anything. I just have to wait for him to be ready to do something (dinner or something), or for a special occasion, and he seems content with where we are.... talking for 40 minutes, once a week. What's up with that? Is that possible? What goes through a guy's mind when he's "just friends", and not looking for a mate... or not interested in a woman romantically?

You may have heard this before...


He's Just Not That Into You

If he's too "afraid" to pursue you, then he's not the one you want. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Welcome back!

oops!

I totally agree with Big Guy hon...he's just not that into you..and if and when he does become that "into you" you'll know it. Hang in there!

Hugs!

ok, so I'm an idiot. There's nothing there at all. And everyone wonders why I'm taking a break in dating. *sigh* <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

ahhhhh sweetie!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Not an idiot. Just human.

Something is there, just probably not what you're looking for.

To answer this question...

I can't speak for all men, so I am only speaking for myself. It's different for different situations. If the woman is not 'my type', then it is what it is, just friends. I may flirt with her, (generally she initiates it) and joke around, but that's the extent of it. At times I might think that I want benefits, but I've never been in that position so I've never had to make that decision.

In my mind, I think, I like this person, she's fun to be around, but that's the extent of it.

Thank ya'll for responding. Thanks Big Guy. I believe that is really my question. I don't *know* that I am *looking* for anything there. I have always valued his friendship, and not expected, or really hoped for anything more, but always kinda curious.

I also have a hard time believe that JUST because a man is not in hot pursuit, that he isn't interested. But I can also see that he THEREFORE may not be someone that would be good for me ANYWAY.

But I appreciate you coming back to post... you are right... I believe I am just trying to understand it/him better, and wanted deeper insight into the perspective of men in their friendships with women.