My husband and I have been married for 14 years now with 2 children. We dated for 5 years before marrying and he cheated on me several times then.

I thought that he wouldn't betray me once we were married. Six months ago after asking my husband what he wanted to do for our anniversery, he responded "see a marriage counselor". I figured that making a big deal of it would only cause another argument-that I never win so I didn't say much and just turned my back in bed and pretended to go to sleep until he started snoring--then I cried for hours.

The next night he said that he wanted to find a place of his own. I was shocked because we had had problems before, but it never came to this. He talked about me not wanting sex and making him feel unwanted. After crying and telling him that I didn't want him to leave he said that he had a chance to try something else(or words to that effect).

I thought he had just been talking to someone else and was getting interested. He then had to go to work so we talked again the next night and after more tears, from both of us, he got around to saying that he had been "seeing" someone else. He said that it had been going on for about 8 months but had only become sexual recently. He kept telling me how unwanted that I had made him feel for the last 5 years.

He said that I put my job and the children before him and that I didn't want him I just wanted the security of having a warm body there at night.I told him that I didn't want him to leave. Alot more was said and alot more has happened. My problem is that this was someone that he saw on a daily basis and continued to see on a daily basis because she worked at the gym where he went.


So of course, he continued to "see" her even after the affair supposedly ended. He also saw her every other weekend at his part time job where she also worked. Well, finally she quit her job at the gym but he continues to have contact with her at his part time job. The both have links because of their part time jobs and sometimes need to talk because of the job.

He admitted that she called him the other day to ask if he could talk to his boss to sponsor her for a project. He continues to say that it is over but admits that he had a hard time with it for the first couple of months. He says that it gets easier each day but I think as long as he is talking and seeing her even occasionally that it will never be completely over.

I know I keep bouncing around ,but when he told me about the affair he said that he was infactuated with her and that they "clicked". He also said that he didn't think you could care about two people at the same time but he did. I can't believe that 8 months can compare to 14 years. I sometimes think that he only stayed because of the children because he kept saying that when he was talking about leaving.

Another thing that makes me mad is that every time I ask about the affair or talk about feeling hurt he makes me feel like its all my fault because I shut him out. I take most of the blame but I can't take all of it. Instead of me bringing up the past, he continually says stuff like 6 months ago you didn't care whether I was here or not.


I keep telling him that I can't change the way I was 6 monthsago and that I am trying to be better now. I am giving him my undivided attention both emotionally and sexually. He seems content with me but if he and the other "clicked" so well how can I ever feel secure again? I feel like I am the one who had the affair because I am trying to be the accomodating one. [color:"blue"] [/color]

ins, as long as he continues to see her, he cannot withdraw and recovery is impossible. Have you snooped on him to see how much contact is still taking place? Who is this OW? Is she married? What is her occupation?