First our marriage probably wasn't that good to begin with so for this to happen was inevitable I guess. Married for 9 1/2 years seperated for 5 months just got back together a month and a half ago and he just told me the last time he cheated (he says he didn't sleep with them this time) was 2 days ago. WHAT!!! I flipped out punched him in the face 5 times until he grabbed me to stop me or I would have kept going. On top of this he tells me he is addicted to pain killers and wants to stop.
Everything he has ever told me has been a lie. He kicked me and our 6 year old autistic son out of the house last night at 11 pm then called me nonstop to ask me to come back home, which I did because where am I going to go? I am a stay at home mom. I just don't know what to do. I don't blame him for cheating on me before we seperated but since we have only been back together a short time and he has done this how many times???( I emotionally cheated on him 5 years ago, he found out and has been using it as his excuse ever since) How many times have I slept with him after he has been with her? How can I believe him when he says hes going out? She works at his bank (he was there this morning) i CAN'T BELIEVE i AM THIS STUPID.
He doesn't want me asking him any questions under the pretense it will just hurt me. He says I don't ask about yours, um that was 5 years ago, whereas yours was 2 days ago. I just feel like a fool. He doesn't want to talk about anything that has happened he just wants to move on but I have to know and when I do it makes me sick to my stomach. I know if we don't discuss it things will just stay the way they were I can't live this way. I just can't believe anythng he says and now with the addiction (background I have no sympathy for junkies I grew up with mom sister addicted so I am very hard on this topic) I am lost and have no where to go I know I have to do something for myself I just keep thinking its going to get better and I believe him again. I love him unconditionally and he has no idea how to do that. He is very mean and spiteful when we fight. I just want to slit my throat and be done with this whole thing but my son needs me as I am all has so I am still here. I can't deal with the lies I can't deal with the cheating I can't deal with the hurt. I don't know how to deal with it. He doesn't want me to be angry over this last episode of him cheating and gets mad at me then he will bring up my past mistake then again I have to defend myself. I have apologized a million times but it was once compared to who knows how many of his. This sucks.

My first advice would be to get yourself into a position where you can support yourself and your son. Then kick him out of your house, until he gets help for his addictions and develops a sense that he has done wrong in committing adultery.

Implement plan A while you are getting a job, then go immediately to plan B as soon as you don't need his income to survive.

my first advice is to get yourself and your son somewhere you can support yourself. get away from him. he isnt going to stop cheating and he isnt going to give you what you need. he blames you for all your past mistakes, like he is such a saint? but Im sure that bringing it up would only cause a big fight. My suggestion is to just step away from the situation before it gets too volitile and someone gets seriously hurt.

Oh do I know the blame game! First I'd like to say I'm sorry and will pray for you. I just don't think there's ever any one clear answer. As a stay at home mom myself I understand the feeling of being somewhat trapped and not having anyone to turn to. I come from a family of addicts myself. I recently found out my husband cheated again, but this time I do have a way out. Our 5 children stand to lose the most and that makes me so angry. He loves me and will do anything, but I've heard it all before. I'm going to graduate from college in November, so I will be able to stand on my own feet. I highly encourage you to get more education if at all possible. The best advice that I can give is to pray and follow where God leads you. The thing I've learned is that I can only change me, not him.

ok 20 days later, let's see what has happened. Husband quit his job (double edge sword, he needed to quit because he deserves more but we need money so...) He has not attempted to get another job yet he said he is not ready to go back to work. I know when he applies for a job he will get one and I even understand why he needs time off but the reality is that we can not afford it at this time. I need to move out of this house and this town. I desperately need to move from here it takes’ so much of my energy to stay here that I don’t have time to think of other things.
Dealing with the addiction, I hold every penny that we have so if he does try to get some he will burn those bridges because he won't be able to pay them anytime soon. Taking meds for his problem so I haven't seen him "clean" yet. Doc thinks possibly Bipolar on top of addiction.
The OW sent IM while I was on computer so I tried getting her to come to the house but she was home with her husband! What!!! Plan for dealing with her is still in my head, I gave her the only warning that she is going to get from me so if/when the next time comes I will not have any problem going to her husband, her job or her house, this will end.
I don’t know her but she is very local so that in it self is going to be difficult for me to handle. When he does go out it would be very easy for him to contact her, when he goes to fighting class does she hang out there with him? Is that why I could only go on certain days to watch him fight? Have I seen her at the supermarket?
I put myself in this position to be hurt daily because I love him and if one of my friends came to me with this story I would tell her she is crazy to stay with him, what is he doing for her? Does she feel safe and secure with him? Does she feel like she is the only person in the world for him?
I got a job working evenings, so while I am at work do I worry if he will do drugs or do the girlfriend? I have to work regardless at this point. I just have to figure out how to save money so we can move away from here. I get too many anxiety attacks this is just a horrible situation. Having a difficult time with Plan A I just feel so withdrawn at this point. We are both so defensive at this point. He has to deal with my anger, dismay, doubt, so many feelings. I have to deal with drugs and cheating, lying about both. Is it really supposed to be this hard?
Due to the drugs he wants me to keep tabs on him and help him to prevent any slips. I just don’t know that I have the energy to keep doing this I am not strong enough for me let alone for both of us, then again I have to be strong enough for the family.
20 days and things have barely changed. We don’t talk about it. He doesn’t want to hear how hurt I am. He counters with I feel the same way. He doesn’t want to hear how hard we struggled financially while he was spending 500 a week on drugs sometimes.
Things are not going to change unless we plan for them to change.


GOALS
Drug free
Financially secure
Faithful
Happy

1 month later: Same as last post. AHHHHHH!!!!!! I can't take it anymore. When I ask if there is anything he want's to talk about he says no. When I do try to talk to him I get all the right answers but nothing really changes. He gets mad when I try to talk about his affairs and thinks I should really only be concerned about his drug addiction problem. I am concerned about both.

I don't know how to trust him he has lied to my face for so many years. I have all his passwords (ok the truth is I have what he has given me, but he is a pro at lying to me) He hasn't really gone anywhere without me but that doesn't prove much since before he would text her (probably while I was beside him, it makes me sick to my stomach) We got rid of the cell phones so for now texting her by phone is out.
We can't really work on anything since he is still on meds for the detox (the way I read this is: Instead of buying drugs on the street he gets a lower dose from his doctor)
I just don't know what to do. I can't make this work by myself. I can't do plan A again. ( I did plan A without knowing about it when we first got back together, and he was still cheating at that time although I didn't know for sure. I just feel like banging my head against a wall.
We are not going to be able to move anytime soon and at this point does it really matter? He has cheated numerous times so it doesn't matter where we live. I don't want to be hurt again. I won't go through this again. He won't tell me how many times he has cheated, he says only twice but I don't believe it.
I am so tired of being alone.
Sorry so long I need to get this out of my head, thanks for reading.

I suggest that you go to a counselor, and figure out why you want to stay with a serial cheater who throws you and your son out of the house.